Kauai Pics

Christmas Photo

Here is the holiday family photo of 2007...

Just got back from Hawaii- pictures to follow.....

Week

I feel like sharing what has been a crazy week. A good week but a stressful one none the less for me. As many of you know we leave for Kauai tomorrow for the next 7 days. We are very excited as I think any two people that are ready for a relaxing get away can be. But before we left we needed to see our parents and do the exchange of gifts and holiday events a bit ahead of time. Last sunday I mentioned we went to my moms for the combined Birthday event and dinner. Tuesday night Jonathans parents came and met us downtown to have a nice casual dinner and take in the lights at temple square. Now that being said I have to pause here. See I want to start traditions of Christmas with my own family. So part of the holiday traditions that I have done in the past and want to continue : ice skating, lights at temple square, the christmas tree decorating, gingerbread houses, candy making, neighborhood presents, charity donations...etc etc. So when I suggested to Jonathan that this was the last week we had to see lights before Christmas we got his parents to join us. Now seeing them was great. Visiting with them, eating, walking etc was all fun. Its Elijiah that was difficult. I could blame it on the long day, the anticipation, taking a 5 year old after a long day at school and expect him to behave perfectly on an outing with adults is a stretch, but I was hoping. However it wasnt to be. He started to fade quickly after dinner ended. The lights were pretty, the weather warm enough to enjoy the night but both Jonathan and I had enough by the time we got home. I am grateful for the effort his parents put in to meet us though...its not easy to do that during the week regardless. We got some great gifts( THANK YOU!) and I hope they liked what we gave them.
My dad came over last night to have dinner with us and see Elijiah. Again I cant say that Elijiah is all that well behaved as of late. He seems to have developed this degree of know it all'ness and Im not sure how to deal. He tries and corrects me and indicates that he is right and I am wrong. Now Elijiah is incredibly sensitive and his feelings get hurt quite easily- so when I start to get mad or try and explain why he is incorect or just that he needs to listen he either gets very angry or cries. I dont know how else to get through to him. (sigh) I digress, dinner was nice, Dad is doing a bit better with some possibilities on the horizon( he just went through a painful divorce and lost his job- great timing for the season eh?) So I was glad to see some spark in him again. I worry about him a lot as any one would. But he went above and beyond in thinking about the gifts he gave us and because I know where he is at its all the more appreciated. Im sure trying to do things for your children and grandchildren with such limited funds at the moment is hard. Elijiah didnt give adequate thanks in my opinion, but in case my dad is reading this- Elijiah read your books in the bath and at bedtime last night. He really loves them. Thanks again.

I guess Im rambling but really work, laundry, cooking, and packing on top of everything else this week, I cannot wait to be outta here!

I do want to mention something regarding Jonathans school. He switched to IT like many of you know, and its been going well. However he had his first programming class and it was supposed to be a concepts class. Well his teacher the lamo, was incredibly unhelpful and Jonathan spent 5 weeks basically trying to teach himself to program. While this wouldnt be an issue for some, Jonathan is beginning these concepts and needed a bit of help. After a grueling 5 weeks and him studying typically 4-5 hours each night and every weekend he pulled a B+( which is the lowest grade he has gotten thus far) out of the class. Im so proud of him. However he has decided to retake the class as he just doesnt feel like he got enough out of it to continue on with the classes that are coming. I admire his determination to not just get good grades but actually learning the material so he understands it. I wouldnt have been able to do the same I think....I would have just continued to struggle along, but he has shown me that he is willing to step up to the plate time and time again and really do his best. Its a wonderful quality to have in a spouse- to have them work hard, and a knowledge that he will give his best -in school or his employment.

I have decided that I wont fixate on not being with Elijiah for a week, to enjoy quite possibly our last couples vacation in a long time, and relax. I hope everyone has a great Christmas and Ill post pictures when we are back!!!

this is funny

Found this on the internet...very funny and very true....

*Maternity Clothes

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your
OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

*Preparing

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don' t bother because you remember that last time,
breathing didn't' t do a thing.

3rd baby: You ask for a n epidural in your eighth month.


*The Layette

1st baby: You pre-wash newborns clothes, color-coordinate them, and
fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and
discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

*Worries

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick
up the baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

3rd baby: You teach your three year old how to rewind the mechanical swing

*Pacifier

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until
you can go home to wash and boil it.

2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off
with some juice from the baby's bottle.

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

*Diapering

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they
need it or not.

2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.

3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to
complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

*Activities

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and
Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

*Going Out

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call
home five times.

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a
number where you can be reached.

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she
sees blood.

*At Home

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older
child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

*Swallowing Coins (a favorite)

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to
the hospital and demand x-rays.

2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for
the coin to pass.

3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!

So..

We have 6 days till we leave for hawaii and this week looks like a busy one with work and preparing to leave...
The weekend was great, got to hang out with friends and family, take in a new movie with Jonathan and clean house. I guess Im just so glad to have my energy back and feeling good enough to do things again. We moved the baby stuff upstairs and starting to put together the nursery. Its amazing how much stuff that I kept from Elijiah, but what we still need to get. The list is endless at this point. We are trying to stock pile formula and diapers as I know how costly these things are, but I dont think we will really get ahead. My only hope is this baby wont eat as much as Elijiah did. With him it was close to 400.00 a month in formula and $ was tight that first year. I know I should breast feed, but anyone that knows me - knows why I cant. Between working( not that you cant work and pump), my lack of production, my surgeries, Migraine headaches which I had to pump and discard the milk and feed Elijiah formula during that time, it was too much. I was so stressed out. So in attempt to try and learn from my past situation, and enjoy things more this time, we have decided to just bottle feed. I jokingly said to my sister that is still breast feeding to start storing hers and Id pay for it, but thats not really feasible.

Anyway my Moms birthday is the 18th and we had a nice family dinner on Sunday to celebrate.
This week we will be seeing Jonathans parents for an early christmas exchange of gifts along with my Dad as well. I love the holidays even though things can get crazy..anyway back to work I go, I have tons of stuff to do today- Yipee!!!

Ode to my man

This is a post dedicated to my love.. I want Jonathan to know he is my everything and that Im super stoked to be going to paradise with him in a few short weeks.
These are a couple of pictures of him that always put a smile on my face and I wanted to share...

We are headed to Hawaii in 2 weeks and I am so excited to hang out, just the two of us( oh please oh please dont rain) enjoy some much needed R & R, and some good quality "us" time. I cant wait!

First things First

Its my sister Whitneys bday today so Im sending a shout out to her!! Happy birthday! While it wasnt fun for her to have Josh gone a year, it gave us a year of being together which was priceless. ( she moved in with me while I was single and having her and kate as roommates was a blast ) I have a lot of great memories of us hanging out that year, and Im so grateful I got to know my sister as an adult. Im 9 years older? I think--- and I dont have a lot of memories of Whitney while I lived at home. There was the year that I moved in with Mom after she got divorced, but I still was caught up in my own life to really spend time with her. Anyway I miss her tons and I hope someday she and Josh move west of the mississippi again.

I got tagged by Casey so because I am willing to play along here goes:

Best thing you cooked last week: Nothing I dont cook anymore.


If money, time and babysitting were no object, where would you go and with who...1. Europe, my home away from home with Jonathan and Elijiah- forever. I would move there and never come back...well except to visit family. Where exactly? Well there are tons of places that I have loved to visit, but if I were to choose some place there to live it would be Tuscany. The countryside is beautiful, its full of quaint towns and small villages- but I would be close enough to all the big cities I love.


When was the last time you cried? Yesterday thinking about how long it had been without having a good dose of time with Elijiah and the reality of that being the norm. Can I contribute this emotion to being pregnant? I seem to cry ALL THE TIME

Five things you were doing 10 years ago: This one is hard for me: 1997.... 1. Dating Khory 2. Enrolled at SLCC 3. Working at discover card 4. Living in the Aves 5. having no money to do anything but still finding ways to travel

Five things you were doing 5 years ago: 2002:1. Elijiah was born 2. Had just bought our first house ( nov 2001) and starting to do the remodeling on it 3. Enjoying the Olympics and fun house guests. 4. Working at Comphealth 5. Back to school again for Nursing prereqs

Five things you were doing 1 year ago: 2006 1. Dating - hadnet met Jonathan yet. 2. Renting a great condo and planning Christmas events 3. Teaching Relief Society 4. Working at Pacificorp and trying to make the best of it. 5. Finally at a place in life that financially I was ok on my own, and I knew I could support myself and Elijiah...what a great feeling.

Seven of your favorite hobbies: reading, running, baking, traveling, trying new restaurants and going back to old favorites, hanging out with Elijiah, camping.

Five favorite foods: Authentic Italian food in general, muffins from Great Harvest, Thai food, Indian food( too numerous again to name) and cold cereal.

Five places you've been: Mexico, France, Croatia, Prague, Italy

Five Favorite Memories: The first time I saw Jonathan, my first trip to Europe, holding Elijiah for the first time, my weddings ( both of them but for different reasons: to Khory because it was wonderful to have all my family and friends there, to Jonathan because I felt that I was finally making the right decision and we would spend eternity together) Seeing fireworks over the S.F bay off battleships. I love July 4th and that was a spectacular display.
While those are 5 memories the last isnt a favorite...I have too many incredible memories that all rank up there: Early morning moutain bike riding with my dad, the birth of Noel, seeing the Duomo in Milan for the first time, Walking across the St. Charles Bridge in Prague, New Years Eve in Paris with friends, rock climbing in Moab, getting Keeva, buying my first house, graduating from College because I worked full time the entire time and paid for it myself, taking a canoe trip down a river in Maine, eating at the top of the needle in Seattle, and on and on and on....

not much to say...

It was Khorys weekend with Elijiah so I took advantage of Jonathans study time for some R & R. He got me a gift certificate to a spa for my birthday, and I ended up booking the ultimate facial. Now let me say I love all things spa related. If he gave me that gift every year I would be a happy camper. As a mom I feel bad taking that time and money on something so frivilous if you will, so as a gift? I love it!!! It was bliss. Thanks honey!

So the other night Jonathan and I were talking about Elijiah and how hard it is for me now that he splits his time between Khory and I to be super strict with him. When I was married to Khory, this wasnt hard, he was an easy baby and toddler, he listened well, knew when he was wrong, and I prided myself on consistency and structure. Now that hes in and out so much, I find myself wanting Elijiah to have a good time when hes in our home. I hate hearing the words" I hate you, I want my dad", "When do I get to be with my dad again?" So I try and make his time a happy time, full of love and still some structure, but Im started to fail in a few areas. Such as not wanting him mad at me so doing everything I can to make things right even when I know he needs a time out, or whatever. An example of this:
We were all eating dinner and a comment was made about no one likes to be bossed around and that Elijiah needs to make sure he isnt bossy with his friends at school. Well Elijiah took immediate offense to this jumped up from the table was terribly upset, and ran to his room. I gave him a minute and then went down to Elijiah to talk to him about it. He yelled at me to leave him alone but no...I couldnt do that. I had to follow him around ask him what was wrong, why he was mad and to come upstairs and eat. I realize my stubborn child will do what he wants and ultimately didnt join us, but I had to try. Jonathan made a point that in a normal situation I would have probably let him throw his fit and come back when he was ready and then talk to him. But since Im so worried about every little thing I cant just let things go.... Im going to work on this.

Does anyone know about divorce guilt or experienced it? Its dreadful. I already lament my time away, and so the precious few hours I get with Elijiah I just want to be good. Over the last 6 days Ive had 3 hours with Elijiah, and today Im crawling out of my skin. Its been too long. I miss my son. Im starting to feel anxious. Oh I know this is life. I have to get used to it. Khory needs this time with Elijiah as Elijiah needs time with his Dad. Somewhere in my backwards mind though I think to myself, nope Mommy time is most important, and it would be ok if he was with me 100%. I know this isnt true. I know he is fine. Or this is what I have to tell myself alot so I dont fixate on how little Ive seen Elijiah in the last week. Today on my lunch break I even ran over to Elijiahs school for 15 mintues just to say hi, give him a kiss. Pathetic I know, but there is a feeling of relief. I got to hold my child for just a minute breathe in his smell and I think Ill be okay for another 24 hours- I get him tomorrow after school. This coming week Ill have Elijiah Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. Then it will be Khorys turn again. This is my life and this is the part of it that really sucks.

Too much information?

Ok I was reading a fellow bloggers blog about sleep deprivation, and how funny but not so funny being tired really is...

So tell me fellow mothers...do you remember getting up to pee in the night while pregnant? I mean maybe once or twice a most. Heck I dont remember doing it at all with Elijiah or Noel...but with this little one....EVERY night for MONTHS now Im up several times. Last night a grand total of 8 times. I cannot possibly fathom Im drinking that much water to create such events. And I dont fall asleep easily once up. I wish I could be a walking zombie to the bathroom do my duty and sleep walk back to bed. This is the same for when baby is born. When Elijiah was up every 3 hours feeding...It would take 1/2 hour 45 minutes to change, feed and put back to sleep and then I took a painful amount of time to fall back asleep only to be awakened a short time later for the same cycle to take place...
Anyway I digress...back to nightly peeing. I guess I should be grateful? I will be prepared for baby sleepless nights? I dont know. I just know that Im so bone tired all the freaking day long that even though now I feel better, I have no energy. I want to work out...but here it is 3pm and all I want to do is go to bed. A nice dinner sounds good but something that requires no effort sounds better. TV? Forget it, bed is a good option. Following my drift here? While I graduated from the couch, I can no longer think of anything better than TRYING to get a full nights sleep. I look like death warmed over, and a coworker asked if I was sick. No I replied- just havent slept well in.....well....im not sure when.

Gratitude

So in church and everywhere since conference has been a theme of gratitude. It started with the conference talk where it was discussed recognizing the hand of God each day. Writing down things that we are grateful for. Well since my "alone" time I have been both good and bad at writing these things down, some are simple things others not so. But I feel like sharing.
Some things I am grateful for:
1. Modern medicine, and my current healthy status.
2. Healthy kids
3. Taking a walk on a abnormally warm fall day with your child at the park. Looking up at the sky and thinking life couldnt get better.
4. My husband. Who dispite these last few months says he still loves me.
5. Comfort foods that while are not healthy make me feel better
6. The way a song that I havent heard before can touch my heart and soul.
7. The outdoors. Enjoying each season for what it can bring..water sports, snowskiing, hiking, camping, running.
8. Our home. Small and suffocating at times, its a haven at the end of the day. A place where our family can be everyday and create memories of "firsts"
9. My family- dad, stepdad, sisters, brother.....
10.My Mother. She is truly one of my best friends. She has been a rock in times of need. Through heartache, sorrows and lifes joys. She is an inspiration to hard work, dedication, righteous living, testimony, strength of character. She can out run, out work anyone I know young or old. Its my goal to beat her at something- although I have no idea what that could be. Shes agreed to participate in some sort of running race next year with me. Perhaps then? Probably not but one can try :)
11.My friends- some ive known a short time, others a lifetime. Each one I have learned from and appreciate.
12.My testimony of Christ and his teachings. My faith has been tested greatly but I cannot deny the hand of our Heavenly Father in my life.
13.A clear night when I can look at the stars and feel small
14.Fireworks
15.The way I feel when Im standing at the edge of the Ocean- any ocean. Complete peace.
16.My past. For without it I would not have Noel and Elijiah. And while I could have chosen a different path both times, the gifts they have given me by being their mother has made me a more patient, loving, kind, caring, sensitive, person and more determined to make this world somehow better- and for that I wouldnt change a thing.
17.My job. While I hope to make a change someday- my work has provided for me. I recieved a blessing when I was young that indicated I would be blessed in my schooling and work. This blessing has manifested itself many times over.
18.Animals- My dogs, and cat. While I have two part time dogs- I get a lot of joy from them. My cat- its a love in progress, but what I am grateful for is the joy Elijiah gets from Bob.
19.My education- my determination to never give up when things got hard.
20.A beautiful Sunset
20 things that I have to be grateful for these last few weeks. Its amazing when I write them down how much I realize I have been blessed.

thanksgiving update

Well, as with every year the holiday is also a chance to celebrate my birthday...anyone with a birthday around a holiday will know that some years its great and other years it kinda sucks. However the last few years Ive really enjoyed it. I get to see my family all together and enjoy a really tasty meal( thanksgiving - duh). While my birthday doesnt fall on turkey day every year, it seems like a good excuse to celebrate it on that day. This year was a great holiday. I had a few days off from work...Jonathan and I and Elijiah spent a good chunk of time together- which I am always excited about.
We did have the dogs and with the exception of one long night for Jonathan..I loved having them. They added much craziness to our already small house, but I love them both. Keeva and Max were pleasant and adjusted to the family routine with ease.
Anyway Im getting ahead of myself. Thanksgiving itself was Mom, Layne, Cory, me, Jonathan, Jessica, Colby, Sylah, Elijiah and my friend Pati. We ate, relaxed, ate some more and had a very lazy day. Paradise.
Saturday was my birthday- 31 years. I have to say much like the rest of the week, it was a mellow day. Jonathan was busy for most of the day which gave Elijiah and I lots of time to hang out together. That afternoon we took Elijiah to the dinosaur museum then dropped him off at Jessicas house so Jonathan and I could take in a relaxing dinner and movie. I got some very thoughtful gifts, a spa certificate a new cozy robe, and a great blanket for the couch. Im a very lucky gal.
Sunday was a typical day with us going to Jonathans parents for a sunday meal. All in all a great 4 days.

My first born....

Happy Birthday Noellie! I cant believe its been 12 years.

So as I sit here reflecting on this day I cant help but remember this morning...you were born at 10:34am and were 6lbs 3oz. You were induced as it was my thanksgiving break from school and the pregnancy wasnt going well, you werent growing adequately, and lets be honest having your parents know when you were coming was easier for them as they were in California. So starting at 6pm the night before I went in for my start of the induction....then again at 12am. I was in labor all night and finally at 6am I couldnt handle the pain anymore got my mom and her best friend Ann who were going to be with me for the delivery up, and we went to the hospital. Thank goodness for those two. It was the comic relief they provided that kept me sane during the worst of the pain. I got the epidural ( which was so painful I thought labor was better) and of corse soon after I was a happy camper. Everything went well and when you came out the umbilical cord was wrapped twice around your neck along with a tight knot. My wonderful amazing doctor thought perhaps this was why you werent growing, along with the decline in amniotic fluid...so he was glad we induced you. Anyway your parents were there waiting and came in to see you not long after we were in our recovery room. They along with your sister Chloe were so excited and I could tell were full of love for you. Your mom was amazing. She was trying to give me some time and space, and although I knew my decision was right, I needed a bit more time with you. She gave me an incredible gift. She offered to give me that time, and told me to take you home with me...gave me the car seat and the clothes etc she came with. It was an incredible moment of trust. Well I spent the next 2 days being "mom" and loving every precious second. I knew my time was limited and I just marveled at every little detail. When all was said and done and the time came to hand you to your mom my heart broke completely....but I knew it was the right thing.

Now 12 years later so much has happened and life has been good to both of us. My wish for you is the same it was when you were born...safe, healthy and happy is all I want for you. It is that way for each of my children. I hope you have a great day at Disneyland sweetie...and have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday.

Pregnancy

Almost 21 weeks.
I was so excited that I hadnt taken Zofran in a few days and was feeling GREAT! It was Elijiahs bday so he chose noodles and ice cream for his feast.
I did well for a few hours, then I was at the toilet bowl yet again.
Its now almost a joke, but I stopped laughing a long time ago.

gratitude....

Oh I forgot...in my effort to find things positive/ and search for things I can be grateful for each day I came up with this:

So I hate being pregnant...it sucks...BUT the POSITIVE thing about it is...

I dont get( weekly or biweekly or even triweekly ) migraine headaches!! Yipee

My second biggest gripe lately( or always and forever ) is I dont see Elijiah everyday--

BUT the positive thing is I can eat cereal and ice cream for dinner and watch E on TV!! Yea!( I have to say Jonathan was appalled when I sat down on the couch with my yummy stuff- he promptly asked if I had taken my vitamins for the day. )

The big day!

Today is Elijiah's 5th birthday. My how times flies. He was born at 2:04pm and like every year I write a letter to him....Here is a reflection of the past year with him:
*******************************************************************************

So I was going through my old emails, hundreds of them, searching for all your previous years letters. I have written one every birthday and only seemed to be able to find your 1st and 3rd birthday year letters….WHAT?! I know that I wrote them, Ive done it each year without fail. However I can only find those two. Im sorry Elijiah. Ive decided that instead of storing them in my email, I will print them off each year and put them in your baby book or something. I had this terrible fear that if I died, no one would ever find my sweet words to my lovely boy, and you would grow up never knowing the things I said or read the memories of yourself each passing year. So Ive learned my lesson!

Now to start off as I seem to always start off by saying---WOW has another year gone by?? Where does the time go? I cant believe it! It goes without saying that so much has happened and as usual you adjust and make things work in spite of the changes that are around you. When I think back to your birthday last year which by the way does seem like yesterday…..we were in the condo- which you still refer to, remember, and often ask to return to, till now- many things in your, our lives are different. I got married to Jonathan, we moved to our new house, and we are expecting a new baby as well. There has been lots of changes in the last 12 months and you have adjusted like a champ.

Some of just a few of the memories I have of you over the last year is your continual independent nature. Every year I see you growing up, developing into your own self with your own ideas, opinions and thoughts. You are amazing. You are a deep thinker, way ahead of others your own age and even older. While I don’t think much about this when its just us, when I see you with your peers, older cousins, or neighborhood kids its abundantly clear you are way ahead. I don’t know what it is specifically. Perhaps your school, your situation you’ve adapted to? Your ability to see hurt in others and your perceptive nature? You soak up knowledge like no other in a non traditional sense….I mean your not reading yet( its too bad you could go to kindergarten this year- you are SO ready) not doing math in a normal way etc….but you have a keen memory, you help others so easily, can recite facts that you heard from a book or TV show with complete accuracy. You have a love of finding out truth and question your religious teachings and ask deep questions.

I have seen your love of church grow. Your understanding of Christ become real. You talk about the Resurrection and what will happen with Jesus comes again. You think about whats around you and question why things are, and yet you are 5. You play hard, laugh hard, are a good friend and just started to write your name. You continue to be stubborn and willful, difficult to reason with as you know everything. But I love you beyond reason.

We had a good summer…went to Canada for our summer vacation. You get lots of play time and time to relax. Time to boat, and go tubing- and while your cautious nature still gets the best of you after some coaxing and you realize you are safe to dive right into activities. Several examples of this is if it looks scary or you haven’t done it before you will fight with me about doing it. Over the summer at grandmas house we kept trying to tell you that jumping off the diving board is fun. You refused to even try. It wasn’t until your cousin Adam did it that you were willing to give it a shot. With your floatation devices securely attached to your arms you tentatively walked to the end and basically fell off the diving board. Under the water you went and immediately popped up again. With a big smile on your face. From that moment till it was time to get out of the pool you and Adam took turns running and jumping off the diving board having the time of your life.

Soccer was a big hit this fall. Your dad called and suggested we put you in which I full heartedly supported. ( After all you come from two jocks haha) When I picked you up from school that day to let you know what we had planned you started to cry, saying you weren’t going to do it. That I couldn’t make you. WOW I thought to myself. I made you promise that while you didn’t have to participate at first you would go to practice and at least watch. You agreed- it was a fair compromise after all. Well lets just say that after your first practice you were hooked. You love soccer. You love game day and practice day and look forward to them each week. Its just the fear of the unknown for you that has always been a stumbling block. You are one of the most determined kids I know and excel at whatever you set your mind to…but that’s the problem…getting you to realize that you can do something.

I loved to see that while you are now one of the oldest kids in your school- you are good to the younger kids. I appreciate that kindness in you. This has manifested itself with “Bob”. Jonathan and I decided that because we couldn’t take Keeva back, that it would still be good to have an animal in the house. You love animals and a cat would be a good pet to have. You have loved Bob from the moment we got him. He is your “baby”. You play with him, carry him, cuddle with him and Bob is so tolerant of you. He lets you wrap him up and put him over your shoulder like a baby. He antagonizes you at the same time but you have a love for him and it shows. You are incredibly kind to all your animals- Keeva and Max included. You are very lucky to have great animals around you that you trust and adore.

You chose to be a pirate for Halloween this year and as usual your birthday has followed suite. You have asked for me to create a pirate ship for a cake and I will do my best. I tried to explain to you that for your 2nd birthday you were SO into cars that I made you a car cake. While Im not a pro in decorating, your blue bug car was quite impressive so I will try hard on doing some kind of Pirate theme cake for you!

With being pregnant, and in a few short months you will be a big brother I know this next year will bring lots of changes again to your world. I just wanted to you know that I have loved every minute of the last 5 years with you and it is without doubt the best thing in life to be your mom.

Happy 5th birthday Elijiah!

More Stuff

So realizing that I am damaged goods...almost not repairable---Well okay Im repairable, but the humpty dumpty rhyme seems to ring all too true, I took 24 hours to myself this week and it was wonderful.

It was homework given to me, and I to be honest had been putting it off. Who wants to do deep soul searching and dealing with stuff that is heavy? NOT I! I realize that Jonathan and I met after a lot of life thus lived, but I really didnt imagine that my past life would continue to haunt my present. So off I went to do some deep soul searching and trying to put my brain in a good place. I must say that I was in lala land up till I got pregnant...it was then in what was supposed to be a happy time that my so called "totally put together life" was crashing.

Now I will also say that one must truly deal with crisis when one goes through it. It doesnt do any good to put it in a box in the closet and keep moving on with life. Oh it gets you through the days and after a few years you think "Im over it!!"
But something totally unforseen or planned( as it was with the pregnancy) can somehow bring the skeletons out of the closet. I did realize that pregnancy was the trigger, but boy- it sure sucks. I think when dealing with a crisis, or heartbreak or whatever its best to awknowledge it and deal with it right away. Because to be honest my independent, self assured, confident, totally at peace person I realized was just a big joke.

So back to my 24 hour stint. I really would have liked several weeks on a beach, but a day and half of alone time was all I could muster up. I have to say while parts of my time alone was not fun, it was the first time in years that I could sit for hours and just think. Reflect, write, pray, read. I found there are some things while previously impossible may now be a possibility( nursing school for instance) and other things will always hurt. For example- while I dont think about Noel, all is GOOD. But when I really analyze my feelings, there is still some strange weird feelings there. I no longer think this is a problem- it is what it is. And its ok. For the most part acceptence is key for me. Regrets, etc will be a part of my life, I made the decisions and so I live with the consequences. I understand that. So Im trying to figure out how to live with those consequences but not allow them to hurt my present life. Fun.

Ah youth. To go back and make changes. There is lots I wouldnt change, but several things I would. But thats me. Feircely independent and forging my own way. I am completely jealous of lives that seem or are uncomplicated. Difficulties sure everyone has, no one has a perfect marriage or perfect kids etc. But Im not talking about day to day stuff.

Anyway I came away from my time knowing this. I have a lot that I need to work on. I have a lot of personal growth to see to. I have set some goals, I need to focus everyday on working on those things. Likewise there's a ton of things Im proud of. It was a good 24 hours.

Elijiahs Bowling Party

So over the weekend we had Elijiahs party. It was a bowling and pizza event and I have to say that everyone had a great time and Elijiah still cant stop talking about it...He had a couple of friends from school, his cousin and Pati's girls. While we probably got some 40 pictues of it all, Ive chosen to spare you and post just a few....



my prego belly at 20 weeks.



Jonathan and Elijiah playing some video games...


Grandpa Rick with Elijiah and Syliah





The cake masterpiece!



....dont they look happy!???

Remembering...

As Elijiahs 5th birthday is fast approaching, I am loving going through old photos of him...

Political Rants

Ok, I grew up in California and if you live in Cali you know what Im talking about...you live in a VERY liberal state. So much so that I think nothing of much of what happened there, its all normal and your vote actually mattered. However moving to Utah that is another story all together. Your vote if your not republican hardly counts for anything, and very little separation from church and state. Hey im not complaining its like that lots of places( ie the south) Italy( where I spent much time..) etc etc. So I try to not complain although on occassion it really bugs that people I run into are so narrow minded. Let me also say that I have worked for the LDS church on two separate occassions and I know from personal experience while there is tremendous influence over policy etc, for the most part the LDS church tries not to publicly involve themselves in politcs any more than other churches would in similiar fashion. So that being said...I have to say Im disgusted by the Christian colalition today. I heard on the news on my way to work that while "americas mayor" believes in abortion, and supports gay rights( TWO huge things the christian colition is AGAINST, they are supporting him for president over the "mormon" candidate because the Christian colalition doesnt believe mormons to be christians. While Mitt is against abortion and gay rights overall - they are going to endorse a presidential candidate that goes against the things they fight so hard for...its amazing to me. I could go on and on about this...but Im totally in a mental stupor about their logic.

Product Review

Like some pregnant friends out there, I struggle with wardrobe concerns. Im not able to fit into my pants anymore, but likewise maternity always fits WRONG. Ive managed to buy bigger shirts and just rubberband my waists on my jeans, but even that in the last few weeks stopped working. I was complaining to Jonathan about my frustration, because instead of feeling cute and pregnant I have just felt frumpy and unattractive because I can wear only a few things. I didnt want to spend a lot on new clothes BUT----
So what does my hubby do? He does what he does best. Starts researching wardrobe options to make his complaining wife happy. He says they are an early birthday present...my new BELLY BANDS! I read on my friends blog about them a few weeks ago, not really convinced they would work....but they do( to a degree ). Jonathan bought me a brown, black and a white one. They work as kinda a tube top that stretches over the tops of your pants to help keep your unbuttoned pants up, and looking flat in the front, in addition to allowing you to wear your shirts that have grown to short. Kinda like the layer look...
Anyway the black and brown are better than the white for sure. I dont know if the fabric is the same, but the white tends to slip down past my hips still and doesnt make my pants flat, or help keep them up....so I use it soley as a layered look. I still think there is a small flaw to the design- I think they should fit a bit more snug and be a tad more stretchy, but all in all, a great pregnancy product.

What are we having???

A BOY!!!

We are super excited....

( Elijiah said he wanted a girl...I guess that means we will have to try again :)
we will see......

Halloween

So here is a picture of Elijiah and his cousin. We went to the ward halloween activity, I hope the kids had fun. We thought it was lame. Actually the worst Ive ever been too...next year we are hitting the old ward. The parties there are so much better....but they look cute dont they?!!

Another fun weekend

Wow this last weekend was a good one- great weather( finally!) and lots of stuff going on...After Elijiah had his soccer game we went to Thanksgiving point to do the cornmaze. While the cornmaze wasnt all that great Elijiah seemed to have fun on some other attractions while we were there.....








After we got home from our outing we took Elijiah to his dads house so he could spend the remaining time with his grandparents. Jonathan had his night out and I had mine with some friends. Sunday was nice, Jonathan and I had a very relaxing and nice time together...

If you havent seen "Lars and the real girl" I highly encourage you all to see it. It was heartwarming and exceeded my expectations. All in all a great fall weekend.

Soccer Pictures

Nursing School

So many of you know my journey with Nursing...some dont so let me recap-

From the time my brother was born I was facinated with medicine. I had a deep respect and awe of the doctors and nurses that I saw when I brother was sick. I was determined to be a nurse. Doctor wasnt too far out, but I thought as a good LDS girl that being a doctor wouldnt be a good way to balance wife and mother duties. So nursing was the next best ideal. I took AP biology in high school trying to get an edge for college, and get more of a feel for if I was good at the biological sciences...anyway during my freshman year at American River Collge in CA, I declared my major, started taking classes. Well I decided after that semester that I would move with my friend to utah. So we went to provo and had to wait a semester to enroll due to residency issues. So what happened. I got pregnant. Yep that changed my plans for a while, and ultimately when I came back to the land of the living and college a year later, I checked back into the nursing program. I was dismayed with the wait list...years they said. Well my life was in full swing forward and I didnt want to have to "wait" for my education. I got my degree in Psychology fully believing I would go on to grad school. Well I then put Khory through school and felt lucky to get my first job out of college in the HR field. I thought it would be fine and when Khory was done I could go back someday. Well time goes by, I started making money and fell into recruiting. My love of healing and hoping to help in some capacity was always with me, but alas...I had Elijiah and then KNEW I didnt want to work in corporate cubbie hell, and wanted more flexibility to stay home someday with my children. So when Elijiah was a year old, I quit my job and enrolled in Nursing School ( a scam called Academy of Nursing) I spent the next 8 months and THOUSANDS of dollars on a fast track nursing program that went out of business before I was done and left me with student loans out the arse. But I wasnt giving up. I went back to work( as was needed) and worked full time taking 1-2 classes at the community college for the prereqs( as the ones I had taken previously were only good for 5 years and the time had lapsed) so I was in Math and Chemistry again. So I spent that next year going to work at 6 am so I could take a class during my work day to limit my time away from Elijiah. So I finished all my prereqs AGAIN, and put my name on the wait list. Its a random list. So your name is drawn and essentially you get put in slots for each semester. I was slotted for Spring 08. Granted this was back in 2004. I had to wait another 4 years before I could go to school. I tried Westminster, and the U. Each with their own set of issues, Westminster too expensive, the U program was full time( I could only go to school part time) so I relented and just decided to continue with life and when my name came up see where I was at.
Well-----I kinda of forgot about it this last year with all thats been happening. However I got a call today from SLCC. My orientation packet was going out for next semesters enrollment in the Nursing School and could I provide them with my address? I stomach dropped as I thought..."Im not going to be able to go...Im due in March and even if I could quit my job, Ill have a newborn". I have been told I can defer for one year and that would be it.
Im now left with the real adult possibility that my dream of being a nurse will never be reality. I dont mean for Jonathan to be upset by this as it has nothing to do with him, but with him in school and with kids, how could we really have both of us working and going to school full time and raise 2 kids? Not possible- not now at least. So Im trying to be adult here, and realize that I have to put my family first. I have a good job that provides decent for us. Jonathan is in school and I totally support his choice to make a career change that will ultimately benefit us down the road. Im good at what I do, however its not a passion or love. I gain little satisfaction out of what I am doing and think its boring for the most part. However my job has allowed me and my family freedoms and choices. I have met wonderful people and know that many people dont LOVE what they do, but they do it because the need to or have to.
Soooooo my thought- Ill defer for a year and see what happens another year down the road. Perhaps lots of things might be different....who knows.

Shhh know about THE SECRET??!!!

Ok, so I know LOTS of people are die hard fans of the "secret". Read the article below and then Ill continue on my rant: DISCLAIMER: PLEASE DONT BE OFFENDED SECRET FANS! or try not to be......
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You haven't heard of The Secret?" gasped an obnoxious woman at a party. "Have you been hiding in a cave?"

"Apparently," I replied.

"It's a book," she continued. "I've read it three times. And I watched the DVD four times. I go to the Website every day!"

I felt like whispering to her, "Psst! The Secret is that you have too much free time." Instead, I nodded, half-listening, as she raved about how the book had transformed her life — and in just two weeks!

My initial instinct was to call The Secret a crock and forget about it. But I was curious. Googling confirmed that my party companion wasn't the only obsessed fan; millions of copies had sold within months. So I decided to buy the book. I have principles, after all — I couldn't trash something I wasn't fully acquainted with. I'd read it. And then I'd trash it.

The Secret turns out to be mostly a series of quotes from author Rhonda Byrne's panel of experts, which includes a "personal transformation specialist," a "trainer in the field of mind potential," and a "visionary." I was 10 pages into the book when I decided it had to be a parody. Or a comedy. Except, you know, not funny.

I'll save you the $23.95 and sum up The Secret in three sentences: Your thoughts are magnetic. Think positive thoughts, and you'll attract wealth, health, and love. Think negative thoughts, and you'll attract poverty, illness, and loneliness. (Guess I shouldn't have grumbled to myself about the book.)

As The Secret explains, "You are like a human transmission tower, transmitting a frequency with your thoughts." What's more, it continues, the universe follows the Law of Attraction, and "like attracts like, so when you think a thought, you are also attracting like thoughts to you." Ergo, to be happy, just think happy thoughts. The book's experts suggest counting your blessings and "wrapping every thought in love" in order to connect with the "strongest positive frequency in the Universe." If you're feeling blue, you're supposed to reverse the negativity with "secret shifters," such as hold­ing a baby, playing with a pet, listening to a joyful song, or watching a funny movie.

The power of love? The benefit of positive thinking? All this hype over a message about as enlightening as a Hallmark greeting card? I was underwhelmed. But I kept going.

The book offers readers a plan for "manifesting" — making dreams a reality. "The first step is to…let the Universe know what you want.... Step two is...[to] claim the things you want by feeling and believing they are [already] yours [i.e., visualize your wish coming true]. When you do that, the law of attraction will powerfully move all circumstances, people, and events for you to receive," which is the third step. Basically, you just wait for your wishes to be granted. That's right: like magic.

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The article goes on to describe this persons month long journey into living "The secret"...she writes about the ups and downs and her processes. Her bottom line- nothing here that no one already knows.

I have to agree. I cant tell you how many people I have run into lately that are on this new kick. That believe this is the answer to all lifes problems and if we truely live this then all will be fine. But can I just say- DUH? If we think we are dumb we are. If we have negative thoughts, of corse I would behave more negatively! If I make an effort to improve on something in my life why would I not get better or see results? Ive always been a believer in "what goes around comes around". The golden rule. ETC ETC and on and on. Someone actually had to write a book about it, sell it and all of a sudden this is a phenomenon? Give me a break. I wish I thought of writing this book Id be RICH!!!! My co-worker mentioned to me this concept of the secret and I listened, learned.... I mean heck whatever works for ya, but I thought to myself, isnt this something you learned in Kindergarten? And the most interesting thing about this whole thing is mostly these individuals I know that have latched on to this concept are religious. So where is someones faith, belieft in prayer, and answers and direction from said prayers? Divine Nature I would think plays into some of this for these individuals doesnt it? And what about personal testimonies....much of what is taught in the Secret is also taught in sunday school, perhaps however I shouldnt poke fun. Whatever works to make people better in life then have at it....lets be honest I did IMPACT when I was young and thought it was life altering. So to each their own huh?

Weekend News

With soccer season almost done( 2 more weeks to go ) each saturday is game day...it has been unfortunate that the last 3 weekends have been terrible weather. I was thinking this past weekend was going to suck as well. However to my great surprise it didnt rain until AFTER Elijiahs game. Yipee! My dad and his wife Tammy came and Elijiah was so excited. He loves people coming and watching him. He seems to improve a little each week and does great. After the game we went to Lunch and it was a nice visit. I appreciate the effort that grandparents do for Elijiah. He loves them all with equal abandon and its great we live in close proximity.

After lunch I took Lauren and Elijiah to do a christmas "project". I have to say its amazing to see Lauren. I miss her so. She is so grown up and will be 15 in a few short months. She is a great older sister and Elijiah adores her.

Jonathan and I decided that we wanted to go out - we try and do something on the weekends that we dont have Elijiah...so we went to the Bombay House. I love Indian Food and with my medication I am actually able to eat a variety of foods now. It ended up being a very nice dinner and some good quality time. The rest of the weekend was filled with homework and house cleaning and general relaxation. Fun stuff wouldnt you say??!!

Breaking up with girlfriends....

Its strange as this has been on my mind for a while...I have to admit I have "broken up" intentionally with one friend over the years, and have been on the other end of the dumping with another friend. The one friend- that I dumped was toxic, and was needed. It wasnt a true friendship where trust and mutual respect was involved and thus I felt no guilt over. However my friend that dumped me caused me some pain. She and I had a good friendship..at least I felt we did. We had a lot in common, mutual respect and a good foundation. But I must have done something because over the last year our friendship faded out much to my disappointment. I only wish I knew what it was.

It started as a reflection of sorts as what kind of friend I am. I consider myself very loyal. I make a lot of effort. Granted sometimes things come up and I have to cancel something, but I have done things for friends that would deem me worthy of being called a good friend. I cherish my friendships, they mean the world to me, I look forward to girls nights, and catching up. I miss my friends that I grew up with and do my best to stay in touch, to visit when possible.

I have two best friends that I grew up with. They are both out of state and we rarely see eachother. However both parties make an effort to call several times a month to stay in touch. I have another childhood friend who I considered one of my dearest and closest friends. She also is out of state. But this is a friendship over the last few years has become increasingly onesided. I dont get return calls, or emails, I made a big trip out to visit last year and had a blast but little has been done to sustain that since. I have felt very sad. Like perhaps I should let it go...it obviously doesnt mean as much to her as to me, and in the end I dont want to end up being a bother. I think of all our time spent growing up. Because we went to the same schools, in the same ward, spent most of our freetime together, from 7th grade to high school graduation we had a friendship that I thought would last. Granted we have had different paths as adults, but I didnt think that would make much difference. I have realized however that people will grow apart, no matter how close they start without nurturing the relationship. Same for any relationship. So Ive come to the realization that I probably wont have the ongoing lasting friendship with this person that I hoped.

I found the below article on just the subject and thought to include:
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Breaking up with a friend? Not so simple, and a bit more unusual. But sometimes, quite simply the best, if certainly difficult, option.
Julia Feldmeier's article in last week's Washington Post addressed this challenging life choice. She considers the various ways a friendship can end - the so-called "quick and dirty", or the more drawn out, some might say passive-aggressive approach.
First, an unreturned phone call and an ignored text message. Then a delayed e-mail, mildly apologetic, but, alas, life has been so hectic, so busy. You'll get together soon, really! The use of exclamation points is intended to suggest sincerity, earnestness...This, of course, is misleading. It's the phaseout, the nonconfrontational and oft-preferred method of ending relationships.
She concludes,
That is why breakups are so bittersweet. No matter how unsatisfying or destructive our friends may have become, we've invested in them. Bound to us by shared experiences and memories, they're hard to delete from our lives. Nostalgia is difficult to shake loose.
Perhaps that's why so many of us hope for the subtle phaseout: a way to distance ourselves without burning bridges. We keep the door open for the small possibility of reconciliation, the chance that they'll change, that we'll change -- or that circumstances will find us together again, in need of company, if not friendship.
Vikki Ortiz, who blogs about the "adventures, disappointments, relationships and revelations of 20- and 30- somethings living in Milwaukee," for the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel is making some similar decisions.
I think breakups with girlfriends are, in some ways, even harder than breakups with guys, because they go against everything we've told ourselves about friendship since we were little. We signed our fourth-grade yearbooks with "Friends Forever," and honestly believed that's the way it would be...
After fourth grade, however, you start realizing that circumstance has a lot to do with why you are friends. If you don't have the same teachers, classmates, neighbors, roommates or whatever to talk about, you really have to find other ways to relate. History can only get you so far.
To complicate things further, your personalities begin to mature and evolve, which is mostly a good thing - except that it also can make us unrecognizable to the people who only knew your "before" version.
That's the situation I'm dealing with right now.
Brian Finch of Acid Reflux (also Miss Retrovirus) writes a lot, and well, about living HIV positive, and a little bit recently about a friendship running its course.
Just as with a boyfriend, one cannot just overlook the bad stuff and focus on the good in hopes of it just going away or not being bothersome. You can be a giving, caring, and a good person. But if the negatives remain, the resentment builds.
Sometimes the break-up isn't inevitable. Felicia C. Sullivan wrote recently on the Huffington Post about "How to Prevent the Best Friend Bust-up", after a potentially friendship-ending conflict with one of her closest friends. They found that communication was key, and often difficult - a funny thing in a world where it's supposed to be so easy.
It's a tragic irony that in our technologically advanced society, where one is able to reach someone in a myriad of ways (text, phone, email, blackberry, and the dinosaur: the letter), communication breakdowns run rampant and can destroy a friendship. Set aside time to have those critical conversations, preferably in person. Never engage in the email flame-war! Even with our frenetic schedules, Kate and I made a point to do the mid-week check-in.
Lain Ehmann, aka Knit and Purl Grrl of Scraphappy wrote an article a few years back called "Now It's Time to Say Goodbye: Ending Friendships", which Little Kou recently posted.
For many women, friendships are among the most important things in their lives. Some assume that the longer the duration of the friendship, the better the friend. But that's not necessarily true... The decision to terminate any relationship should come only after you've concluded that the connection is unsalvageable and you're better off without that person in your life. Remind yourself that ending things is the best decision in the long run, and that doing so will make room in your life for more positive, nurturing people.

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In the end I hope my friends know how important they are to me, and how much I appreciate each of them...I hope the friends I have now will be my friends when Im 80!

My friend Jenna ROCKS!

http://www.cbn.com/700club/features/amazing/Jennavave_Barbero100307.asp


I mentioned her in a previous post...now you can read about her personal journey- which is great- shes inspriational in regards to someone who had a dream and is living it.

the mom song....check it out

Jaynann sent this out...the funniest thing Ive seen in a while....

Picts of Elijiah

I dont know what it is, but I cant get a picture of Elijiah running around without it being blurry...so here are some still shots of him playing soccer and looking cute.

I want these!!!!

Silicon Moms Blog

I found the following on a blog about working and non working moms in the silicon valley....why Im totally taken with reading about other working moms and their opinions ill never know....oh wait because I feel like its good company!!! Anyway sharing some thoughts of a working mom in California with the rest of ya.

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A family unit can support 80 hours a week of work outside the home before the wheels start to come off.

In the years since my daughter was born, my husband and I have punched the family time clock in multiple ways - both of us working 40 hours a week, him working 60 hours and me working 20 hours, him working 80 hours and me working zero (we won't mention that awful time post-Dot-com-Bubble when neither of us was working more than about 15 hours...). The conclusion is always the same - cross the line for any extended length of time and watch all hell break loose.

We've tested it with our friends, too. There's S, who logs excruciating hours to keep up with the New York markets as well as her West Coast clients, while her husband stays home (or rather drives around) with the

kids. There's P&P, who do a really amazing job of balancing two high power careers by rigorous "leaving the office" discipline (it helps that they both have a five-minute commute). They all agree, however, with the basic premise - 80 hours is about the limit.

There's one family I know who pretty regularly keeps it at about 90 hours - but they do it in tandem with the world's most incredible household manager/child care phenomenon. This ain't no $10 per hour college kid, or even your average $18 per hour Silicon Valley take-the-kids-to-the-playground nanny. She's the kind who calls you at work and says, "You don't have to do anything, but you know the toilet in the guest bathroom? It overflowed this morning. I've called the plumber and he's coming at 3:00, and I've called the neighbor to bring the kids home from school, but I just want your OK before I give him your credit card number for $100." She pays the bills, handles the shopping, and signs the kids up for swimming lessons. You find one of those, or if you have a live-in grandma babysitter, you can push the limit. But not by a lot.

It isn't just the hours - you can use extended daycare to cover that. It's the being present. It's having someone aware when a child is struggling with a math concept, or getting picked on at recess - when they can't even articulate what's bothering them. You just can't do that with two parents working to the point that they come home drained and exhausted.

The unfortunate thing is that the number of Silicon Valley jobs that you can do in 40 hours a week is shrinking fast. Mostly they expect 25% more than that - at least. And, if you want to actually own your home, you're probably talking about at least one of you in an executive/partner/fast track role, where the time commitment is pretty much 7 X 24. This practically requires the other member of the couple to go part-time, which is almost impossible to find, which is why so many of us leave the workforce altogether.

And you single parents...I can't imagine how you do it. My deepest respect and admiration go out to you.

I'm sympathetic to the argument that we must all work harder to keep up in the global economy. I absolutely understand the pace of technological change that companies in the Valley deal with. But I also know that requiring more than 80 hours/week of our families will negatively impact the next generation.

Anyone have the answer?

TAG YOUR IT!

So as I was catching up on my friends blog--- I read Caseys and found out that I got tagged....so in keeping with the tradition if you will I will attempt to post 7 random relatively unknown things about me....

1. I used to choreograph and make up dance routines and acting scenes with my friend Hysha...I must have been 12-13? We lived so far from civilization we had to be creative with our time. Our garage became our stage. The sad thing is Im sure those hours upon hours of video are still in existance at my mothers house somewhere. So embarassing!

2. I once got in a fight my freshman year in highschool. This older girl( jr.) was ticked off that her exboyfriend liked me. I was glad for my friend Jason( the one in prison now), the numerous mosh pits I joined in, She tried to punch me in the stomach and I reached out and puched her in the face. She didnt try and bother me again.

3. My parents should skip this one...for they might be mad! ( sorry folks!)
But long before I had my drivers license I took my parents cars out for joyrides( what else is there to do in BFE?) But the one trip I took with my friend Sarah was to San Francisco when I was 15, my parents were gone for the weekend. Its a miracle nothing happened.

4. I love my curly hair and freckles. The two things I hated about myself growing up.

5. I still get sad about Noel.

6. I could eat cold cereal all the time. But I hate milk. Strange huh?

7. I have developed a fear of heights. Very strange for an ex gymnast and girl who used to walk on the balcony rails of her parents 3 story home.

LA Trip

So I was in LA these last few days and enjoyed some of the best weather...I always love going to southern cal when its cold in Utah...there is something to be said about the slight humidity, warm sunshine and the beach for me. Paradise. Why oh why do I live in Utah? Oh right- work, family...the important stuff :)

Working for Disney has its perks....free disney stuff, and entrance into any disneyland resort worldwide for me and my family..but lets be honest...how often do I plan to visit Disneyland? Oh I think the last time was 10 years ago...I suppose its a must do for us at some point...I just cant think of when that will be...If Im planning on going to LA for any reason it would be the beach and shopping.

Anyway my two days were very long and very busy at our corporate offices, and I missed being home, but to inhale the polluted LA air was fabulous.

Pregnancy Blues- and a miracle!

"hello wonderful and brave pregnant women,
i started taking zofram last night. today was the first day in two months that i haven't cried, thrown up, and been an absolute a prisoner in my own home. as many of you reading know, such severe nausea is not only debilitating to the body, but to the soul. how many times have i sobbed to my husband that i feel so hopeless, that this will never end? i tried everything from unisom to the bands to phenergan suppositories (ouch!). nothing worked. out of desperation i got zofran. i am three months pregnant and my conservitave doctor said there is no reason at all to worry about this affecting the baby. i hope to take it as little as possible, but believe me i would do anything to feel normal again. i seriously thank god for zofran, i cannot cope without it, yet."

So this was a post that I found after reading about my new wonder drug Zofran. Let me attempt to explain to you all what being pregnant has done to me. Where I liked to get out a hike, go for a walk or heavens even run, I have done little but walk from my car to my house to my couch these last 7 weeks. I have eaten barely anything except cereal, and sprite, crackers and vanilla wafers( unitl I was unable to keep those down.) I have cried all day, in the shower, at work, here and there, unable to figure out why I started to be so depressed. Had no interest in Jonathan,( poor guy ) barely any ability to play with Elijiah, I started to feel resentful about this baby and often found myself feeling like I should leave Jonathan...yes really. That I was a terrible wife, ugly, sick and had nothing to offer.( Luckily this has now passed and I know this was just the depression talking..) I felt sick almost every second of every day. I wondered what has made me feel this bad...my other pregnancies were very similiar(Being pregnant with Noel I was severely sick and had complications from my sickness Im sure now looking back. I gained only 16 pounds total, she was taken a week early for lack of growth, I was put on bed rest for two months, I barely worked....Elijiah I coped better after about 5 months or so)Anyway I realized that I am not ever going to be a healthy glowing pregnant person. I will probably always suffer to the extreme with my pregnancies....ANYWAY after two days of being sick and not able to go to work( Jonathan was out of town doing a deposition for work) I was unable to keep even a cracker or some water down, I could hardly walk, and I was constantly throwing up, I got my doctor to call in Zofran. As soon as Jonathan got home and went to the Pharmacy I took the pill. Within a half hour I felt decent. I woke up this morning took another pill. Again I feel great. I feel happy. I feel like I can work, be a mom and I can finally be me again. While its only day one so far on this pill, the transformation has me wondering how I survived even one day with out it. Thanks modern medicine! And again thanks to my husband who I hope will have a peice of the old Amber back again...

Our Weekend....

I have to post some pictures of Elijiahs first soccer game....he was adorable and did great. ( Considering the game was the first time he ever played ) See Khory called said his friend was a coach and we could get Elijiah on his team if we wanted...both of us decided it would be good for Elijiah. When I picked Elijiah up from school on Friday and let him know of the saturday morning plans he promptly threw a fit and started to cry. Saying he didnt want to play. This lasted quite a while. Now if you know Elijiah this wouldnt be a surprise to you at all. He is very headstrong and thinks he knows everything. He for the most part up till now is a bit shy upon introducing him to new things and I had doubts even if we got him at the game that he would participate. I made a deal that he didnt have to play but he did have to go and watch. He agreed. This just brought memories of taking him to a gymnastics class last year when he said he wanted to try it out. We got there a few minutes early- he sat on my lap and watched for a litle while. Well his class was called and they had the kids run around the floor twice...the second lap if you will Elijiah started to slow-he went to his teacher and them ran over to me....he started to cry saying he was too tired and gymnastics was too hard. Can you even imagine?????!!!! ME- Elijiahs mother...in this situation? The girl that was in gymnastics her whole childhood, who later coached...with my son saying he couldnt even run around the mat!!!??? Well whats a mom to do? I took Elijiah and we left, and we havent been back. So I was reliving this scenerio in my head on Saturday morning upon getting there and seeing the kids play. However Elijiah surprised me and his dad. He jumped in, followed directions, got the hang of it, and played the entire time. He was amazing! And I am so proud.

The rest of the weekend consisted of this: the couch. I got sick saturday afternoon and evening. I got up Sunday just wanting to sit and do nothing. Jonathan was amazing as usual. He mowed the lawn, went grocery shopping, got us movies, put gas in my car, made me cookies. Its the question I ask my self every day...How did I get to be this mans wife?????

Catch up

Ive been busy...and sick so let me catch you up. I mentioned that I was going to Austin, TX for work and it was actually a lot of fun. If you can call work fun. The austin gaming convention was full of meet and greets, learning about this new industry for me, meeting co-workers and overall working our booth. Austin itself was a fun town and I wish I had my hubby with me so we could have enjoyed the night life together. With the exception of a dinner out, I was the lone party pooper who didnt get a bit too tipsy each evening. :)

My journey home was nothing short of a miracle, I did snag a direct flight home which was a blessing. I was scheduled for a long 11 hour travel time flying from TX to GA, then to UT....but I arrived at the airport in time to see a boarding flight direct to SLC...I ran to the gate discovered it had a few empty seats and was able to fly home...yea!

Saturday was a nice day- got our shed up! Yup Jonathan had wanted to surprise me with having everything done by the time I got back, but my early arrival squashed that( sorry honey!) Anyway so it became the family project for the day. Finally a place to put the lawn mower!

So this is where the good times end....saturday night I got a migraine and nothing the tylenol with codine could help...by 4am, I was so sick and felt awful I knew I was in for a long Sunday. I think it was the codine that got my stomach going but I couldnt keep anything down and spent a good part of the day over the toilet. Not much fun. Elijiah had to give a talk in Primary so Jonathan got him ready and helped Elijiah. I guess it went well...I wished I could have been there. Anyway so sunday was a wash- i am just so grateful for Jonathan and his help.....

Since I was so beat from Sundays sickness I was still out of it come Monday morning. I called in sick to work and stayed home. It was one of those end of summer- pre-fall perfect temperature days. It was bliss. I felt somewhat ok, but still weak, but felt a trip to the park was a must. Elijiah and I for the most part had a wonderful day together- just relaxing and hanging out.