thoughts

So I ran across a photo of my friends kid the other day. And was immediately struck by the resemblance of her son and Tristan. The image that she captured made me instantly want to leap out of my chair at work, run over to his daycare and spend the rest of the day smothering Tristan with kisses and hugs.

The weeks are hard at the Bechtold house, as anyone with a hubby in school knows. Jonathan leaves for work at 5:30 am and often times doesnt return home till after Im asleep at night. Between the time he is at work, his school, and then homework on the weekends, we dont get much time with him. Tristan doesnt get much time with Daddy, and I dont have the support I need to deal with a moody 6 year old.

Im not complaining...really. The decision for him to continue with school was a joint one, and one that I know will pay off once he is done. We have plans to pay off the 37K in student loans that we currently have next year, ( if we can stick to our budget), and MBA school will cost us only 5K total as his work pays for the rest...so all in all we have a good plan.....

The last few days I have taken the kids to the park after work...the boys love it. Especially Tristan. It makes me soooo happy to see them play, but its also amazing what polar opposites they are...Tristan - fearless, and wild. Trying to keep up with all the older kids...Elijiah - reserved, and retrospective- often times content to watch the other kids around him until hes ready to join in.

This is when I wish Jonathan were with me...to see what I see- which prompted the photo overload of the other day. Jonathan was inside studying and I had the kids outside so he could have some peace. The boys were so adorable that I grabbed the camera and just started shooting. I dont want Jonathan to miss everything....and I know about this time every week, he is tired, exhausted, and longs to see and kiss Tristan. Tristan likewise calls out for his "daddy" in the singsong way expecting Jonathan to answer "Tristan" in his special way. I am secretly happy they have something between the two of them that I dont have. All I get from Tristan is "MOM"( not mommy, not mama) But short, clipped and loud " MOM! ". No "moooommm" in the singing melody of DA---DDY, but that is okay.

The boys are rapidly growing up - Elijiah is causing me considerable pain at times. Truly alternating between being helpful, kind, loving and generally being easy around, to highly emotional, mean spirited, and disrespectful. I had a long conversation with Elijiahs Dad today about it- jointly agreeing on some tactics and due to Jonathan being absent, me calling on him - even a phone call to have Elijiah get a stern talking to. We both agreed that we have fallen into typical parenting roles...I being the loving care taker, and Khory the scary disciplinarian. We both realize somehow we have to do better. However regardless of these challenging parenting issues, I relish every moment being my kids mom.

The last two nights the boys have taken baths together and seeing their faces with smiles a mile wide, Elijiah helping with Tristan, and both of them enjoying splashing one another- I had a moment of rare peace. THIS is my calling, THESE boys are the reason that I love motherhood. And no matter my journey - how I started out, Im exactly where I want to be, and that my friends is called happiness.

Brotherly Love....

The Pioneer Woman coming to town!!!

Okay folks - WHOS with me??!! Guess whos coming to town for her cookbook signing?

Thats right- REE the Pioneer Woman! IMMMM SSSSOOOOO EXXXCCCITTTED!!!

Salt Lake City Wednesday, November 4, 2009---7:00 PM
THE KING’S ENGLISH BOOKSHOP
1511 S 1500 E
Salt Lake City, UT 84105

Shall we make it a girls night!!???

thoughts on weight

Im SO excited. I havent blogged about it for fear it will come back....(knock on wood) but....Ive been headache free( well okay almost) for a WHOLE week! Its amazing. At first when we moved back to our house it had been a few days - I was slowly getting back to my normal self...not treading on water waiting for the next to strike- and feeling a little bit more like the old Amber. I even committed to some outside activities believing that I could do them and not call in sick at the last moment. I had stopped ALL daily medication that was supposed to be helping, and it had been about a week. Then I did get another Migraine, but took my meds right away and within 7 hours it was gone! YIPPEE that was 8 days ago. YES folks 8 days. A new record without a headache in almost 11 months. My appetite has returned...infact- it has returned with a vengeance. During the last 8 months while I was on the medication I was lucky to get 600 calories a day. Food tasted awful, nothing was appealing, I had no interest in food etc etc. Well now??? NOT so my friends. I CANT STOP eating. I want to eat all day! CRAZY! I have energy, I feel well, I am happy again, I have a better outlook on life. Ive gained 3 pounds! I have a bit to go...but here is the CRAZY thing. I loved being that thin. Regardless of everyone saying I looked horrible. I finally had the flat stomach of my youth! DO YOU know how hard that is after 3 kids? No matter how much I exercised I couldnt get that SUPER flat stomach, until this past year. So while 3 pounds doesnt seem like much it has all gone straight back to my lower belly. :( So I ask myself...why cant the weight evenly distribute itself? GRR- like give me a little booty, a little in the chest? NOOOOO right on the belly. Lame. Jonathan likes it tho- says makes me look like a woman. HA.
Well anyway this post is really just about sharing some good news. I feel that perhaps it was the decisions about our direction, the priesthood blessing, deciding to forgo all the meds that were making me equally as sick as the headaches. Whatever it was Im just grateful that Im not suffering EVERYDAY. Even if I get a headache once a week...I can manage that. SOOO heres to finally finally feeling like Im getting my old self back!!! YIPEEEEEEEE~!

Demotivators...

Yes I have worked in the corporate world to know a few things. Not all, but a few. I was looking at my door and on it, are a few( oh perhaps a dozen ) of these FABULOUS "motivator" sayings. ( you may need to click on the picture to view the sayings...)
I dont know if my time within the corp world has made me just a bit off in my humor or outlook, but I do know one thing. I can and do take my job seriously. BUT get a perverse humor out of these things. I have become the glass half full when dealing with the corp world...too many layoffs, promotions that are not warranted, while others get passed by...and just about every bad thing that happens in a company - I have witnessed. Despair.com has got to be one of the many sites that when I visit puts a smile on my face. ( for in life or in the workplace...I can chuckle EVERYTIME I see something that rings true...)

Is that wrong??!!!

Labor Day

Well these pictures dont have anything to do with the post...just a few random shots that I want to have in the blog book in the future....

Back at Moms house before we moved...I love this....

And at the last pool party we had at mom's....I attempted to get Tristan into this "THING" and needless to say it was the last time I made him wear it. He hated the thing. And to be honest, it made for changing his diaper/swimmers a little difficult! BUT look at that expression. He is one funny boy!

*****

Our weekend has been full of work and some play. I wonder however if EVERYONE decided to get out of SLC and head for the mountains. My idea of beating the heat and getting some fresh air was shared by TOO many I believe. After trying to get CLOSE to donut fall to do the short hike - was immediately discouraged by all the cars so we headed up the rest of the way to Solitude for a quick jaunt around the preserve, had our lunch, and headed back down. I wish we could leave the kidlets at times to really do some backcountry hiking and camping, but perhaps in another lifetime. I do realize however how much I love the outdoors and we need to do more of it when we can.( complaining and grumpyness aside)

Sept Days

I dont know what as put me in a more mellow mood lately. Perhaps its the return to the house, school starting, but all I know is that I have been thinking about how fast time flies. I catch the latest facebook threads, and am particularly interested in my Noels updates. Getting a chuckle here and there at all the teenage angst shes dealing with and hoping that her High School experience is nothing like my own. Shes eye deep in crushes, and been crushed on, and having the time of her life as I understand it. I still remember the day she started Kindergarten and her mom and I thinking how fast those years went by and that my baby really wasnt a baby anymore. Freshman year in highschool was like yesterday....and isnt that the way life is? You never feel as old as you really are.
Last night I attended the PTA meeting at Elijiah school and again I was sitting surrounded by other parents dedicated to making a difference with their childrens education and I was in awe. Not really by everyone, but thinking again-Im not old enough to be in PTA!!! Im still trying to figure out this whole parenting thing and dealing with my own health struggles and yet I cant say no when it comes to my kids. Im at a loss for the 6 yr old that lives in our house. One minute he says he loves me the best in the WHOLE world and my heart breaks a little each time because I know in a few short years I doubt I will hear those words anymore. He alternates between being SO grownup and telling me how the world works( and really hes right on) and him letting me know where I stand in his life, to getting and being the center of his universe.
Tristan is growing up so fast. Hes talking all day everyday. Babbling his limited vocabulary in sweet melody of song that he seems to make up. He has such determination and will that I wonder how can I effectively parent this one??!! He challenges me in ways that Elijiah never did and there are days that I wonder if I can really do what I need to to raise these boys the way I hope....their personalities being a constant battle for me to figure out.
I think about the next baby we plan on having and knowing that it will be our last, I have started to become bittersweet about it. Here I have felt like I dont know what I am doing but going on a ride that has been the most rewarding but challenging of my life, and when we get pregnant again, it will be for the last time. No more babies. And then I start to get sad...thinking that it will be my last. And here I feel like Ive just begun! I want to postpone it - for in some ways that will make it not happen so fast, but likewise Jonathan and I joke that perhaps as sick as I get during pregnancy its the only sure way to get rid of the headaches that plague me so sooner than later?
September always does this to me...makes me ponder - a new school year, another year older, time is flying by......