Sept Days

I dont know what as put me in a more mellow mood lately. Perhaps its the return to the house, school starting, but all I know is that I have been thinking about how fast time flies. I catch the latest facebook threads, and am particularly interested in my Noels updates. Getting a chuckle here and there at all the teenage angst shes dealing with and hoping that her High School experience is nothing like my own. Shes eye deep in crushes, and been crushed on, and having the time of her life as I understand it. I still remember the day she started Kindergarten and her mom and I thinking how fast those years went by and that my baby really wasnt a baby anymore. Freshman year in highschool was like yesterday....and isnt that the way life is? You never feel as old as you really are.
Last night I attended the PTA meeting at Elijiah school and again I was sitting surrounded by other parents dedicated to making a difference with their childrens education and I was in awe. Not really by everyone, but thinking again-Im not old enough to be in PTA!!! Im still trying to figure out this whole parenting thing and dealing with my own health struggles and yet I cant say no when it comes to my kids. Im at a loss for the 6 yr old that lives in our house. One minute he says he loves me the best in the WHOLE world and my heart breaks a little each time because I know in a few short years I doubt I will hear those words anymore. He alternates between being SO grownup and telling me how the world works( and really hes right on) and him letting me know where I stand in his life, to getting and being the center of his universe.
Tristan is growing up so fast. Hes talking all day everyday. Babbling his limited vocabulary in sweet melody of song that he seems to make up. He has such determination and will that I wonder how can I effectively parent this one??!! He challenges me in ways that Elijiah never did and there are days that I wonder if I can really do what I need to to raise these boys the way I hope....their personalities being a constant battle for me to figure out.
I think about the next baby we plan on having and knowing that it will be our last, I have started to become bittersweet about it. Here I have felt like I dont know what I am doing but going on a ride that has been the most rewarding but challenging of my life, and when we get pregnant again, it will be for the last time. No more babies. And then I start to get sad...thinking that it will be my last. And here I feel like Ive just begun! I want to postpone it - for in some ways that will make it not happen so fast, but likewise Jonathan and I joke that perhaps as sick as I get during pregnancy its the only sure way to get rid of the headaches that plague me so sooner than later?
September always does this to me...makes me ponder - a new school year, another year older, time is flying by......