Happy Anniversary!

Today is our 1 year anniversary...due to the circumstances(having Elijiah home sick, and still being pregnant, we will be celebrating another day.) However I couldnt buck tradition entirely..so we took out the top of our wedding cake which has been in the freezer for the last year, with hopes to cut into some delicious carrot cake. Needless to say perhaps it would have been better a different flavor, but one bite was all I could do...it was disgusting! Owell, it still looks pretty doesnt it?!
Ive inlcluded the latest picture of Elijiah with his head shaved..the new summer haircut.
The picture of Jonathan and I is pretty terrible, its the lack of sleep and feeling like Im going to pop, but being our "day" I couldnt let it go by without at least some photo op...

Well honey heres to one year-I love you!!

melt down

Ive been getting emails this week from friends inquiring about the baby status..so instead of sending the same email out I just told them to check the blog.

Heres the deal. I wouldnt have been upset about being pregnant this long( I know I know Im not even OVER due yet) had I NOT been told from the VERY start I would be able to be induced a week early. That was my plan. The doctors said no problem...we looked at the calendar targeted a specific day...so all along during my miserable depression, and 6 months of being so sick, the sleepless nights, headahces and overall knowing that I HATE being pregnant, I had the EXPECTATION of control for when I could have this child. I have tried I really have to enjoy this time as people would say. I just have had two previous pregnancies with very different sets of problems and issues and the one thing that I could say was I was able to control was the delivery. It made somewhat of a difference to me at the end. So at todays appointment no change in status means they wont induce. He said he would schedule the induction for April 4th if I havent already had the baby. So worst case Ill be pregnant for another week and half. I am so angry. Mad at everything!!! Ive tried to be upbeat this last week thinking that this was it, for sure they wouldnt let me go longer. So to know they are letting me go as long as possible and for what? What does a few days difference really make? For me everything.
Im trying to turn this in to a lesson on control. That not everything goes to plan, and I cant be a freak about stuff. But for me there are so many things in my life I cant fix, cant control, that having something I can expect, predict and plan on, is imperative for me. Im close to loosing my mind at the moment, I know I will be ok, its only a few more days...but its in this moment that I truly understand about expectations. To have none, or not to have any expectations is a blessing. When you have any sort of expectation be that in relationships, at work, a deadline, how your hair should look after a cut and color, the way jeans should look on you etc( you know what Im getting at here...:) ) You can end up far more upset than going into to something and be pleasantly surprised. What is it that Jonathan always says...under promise and over deliver?! Novel idea I say.

Easter

Now that Im back to the land of the living...and grateful that Jonathan and Elijiah have not gotten the flu, I wanted to post some pictures of the easter weekend.

Raegan came down from WY with the kids and it was so great to see her. I really miss my sisters. She will be moving to Indiana shortly and who knows how long it will be before I see her again. I know my family is a bit crazy at times but there really are no other people in the world that I would rather spend time with. Saturday was a great day. We headed up to my moms for brunch and then set out to do the easter egg hunting with the kids. Everyone had a great time, with the exception of when I asked Elijiah to slow down and look at me for a picture...I got the grumpy face below. Sunday we went to church with Jonathans family and stayed for a yummy meal and good company. All in all a very busy, and exhausting weekend but in a good way....

Here are the various pictures from the Easter weekend.

Sick...

The stomach flu sucks.

My last post before the weekend...

www.elevencollection.com if you are a shoe lover....

Check these out for kids- gotta love em!!!

This is the sister link for the baby sizes and styles:

http://www.seekairun.com

I so want to buy every pair!!!

Baby update

Another doctor appointment, and nothing new. This baby is not cooperating-sooo they still wont schedule the induction. Once again they tried to work some magic. Ill be going in on Wed to see if there is any progress...if so, then next Thursday or Friday will be the day.
I guess the only good news is the doctor said they will induce if I go past my due date regardless. I suppose either way this baby will be here no later than a week and a half.

ABC TAG

Thanks to Casey Im playing along...:)

ABC TAG

A - Attached or Single ? Attached

B - Best Friend ? Hubby, Mom, and a few great girlfriends!!!!!

C - Career? Recruiter- for now

D - Day of Choice ? Saturdays- I feel like it’s a free day- to do whatever and be productive
E - Essential Item ? Hair Rubber Bands, Anti Wrinkle Cream and my Chapstick

F - Favorite Color ? Blue

G - Gummy Bears of Worms ? Bears

H - Home Town ? Shingle Springs, CA

I - Favorite Indulgence ? Anthropologie Clothing, and Authentic Italian Food

J - January or July ? JULY!!!

K - Kids? 3- Noelle, Elijiah, and the one on the way…

L - Life Isn't Complete Without? Family, friends

M - Married ? Yes

N - Number of Siblings ? Oldest of 5

O - Oranges or Apples ? Apples

P - Phobia or Fears ? Anything that would/could happen to my children

Q - Favorite Quote ? Gosh Im not sure…

R - Reason to Smile ? Not having a headache, hanging with my boys…

S - Superman or Wonder Woman ? Wonder Woman- I channel her often

T - Tag 5 People: Anyone who is interested :)

U - Unknown Facts about Me ? How about something interesting instead? I have always wanted to be on the Amazing Race reality show.
V - Favorite Vegetable ? mmm I do like most veggies- except eggplant

W - Worst Habit ? Eating way too many sweets/ chewing my gum like a truck stop girl

X - X-Rays ? Many

Y- Your Favorite Food ? Too many to mention- Love Thai, Mexican, Italian, Ice Cream…

Z - Zodiac Sign ? Sagittarius

Weekend Warriors

It started off with a bang...or not. Doctors appointment on Friday - the baby isnt cooperating!!!!!!! How could I have been 3 cm with Elijiah and this kid at 1cm and not budging! Jonathan says he loves me so he doesnt want to come out. HAHA! I mean really. I like the doctor I saw and he tried to do some magic to get me going, can I say painful! Anyway didnt help my migraine any, and I didnt go to work at all Friday. I stayed laying down as I couldnt take my meds and by Saturday morning I was feeling better.
Not having Elijiah over the 5 days we took him to breakfast saturday morning. It was great for me to see him. That afternoon Jonathan and I had a great time. We did some errands, picked up some more stuff for the baby, and saw a movie. 10,000BC. We actually liked it alot! Then we treated ourselves to dinner out as who knows the next weekend we will be sans kids. Sunday we opted out of church and again hung out and enjoyed the peace and quiet. What a great weekend!

To doctors everywhere...

Never EVER tell someone in the beginning of a pregnancy that induction is an option and will be no problem...then at the end of that said pregnancy say the opposite.

With both my kids I was induced a week early. I could plan, schedule, feel in control of the situation...all went well, short labor, epidural, fast recovery.

I cannot fathom the idea of going to my due date- let alone OVER DUE. I do not want to be at work and start going into labor having to worry about Elijiah in daycare, driving myself home or having to be around co-workers in pain waiting for Jonathan to pick me up. Nor does the idea of being in labor in the wee hours of a morning and having to arrange to drop Elijiah off in the middle of the night and driving another 45 minutes to the hospital with the chance that it would be false labor, or too far into the labor to get an epidural. Natural Childbirth is NOT for me. So needless to say after todays doctors appointment Im annoyed. Just schedule it for heavens sake...let me plan, be happy and have this baby during a decent hour. (And note to self- Im getting another OB if we ever do this again.)

I found a swimsuit!!!

Its perfect- it will hide the post prego belly, and I think its super cute!

My Disney Character

At work we are to either pick our favorite Disney Character, or which character best describes our personality. This information will go next to our names on our "name plates" for our offices-- Here are the results of the quiz I took for help....

Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Ariel Your alter ego is Ariel, the little mermaid! You are a dreamer, and you often want what you can't have. You can be rebellious and sometimes disobey your parents to get what you want. The Beast 81% Ariel 81% Cinderella 69% Goofy 69% Pinocchio 63% Cruella De Ville 63% Donald Duck 63% Sleeping Beauty 44% Snow White 44% Peter Pan 44%

My life

Ive put off posting anything for a few days because in large part I dont know how much information to share. This blog is for me, to ramble about life, etc....but I know that many of our friends and family log on to read it as well. I also know that this has become my place to share not only good things but some of the challenges I deal with from time to time.
This week has been no exception of good and bad. My friend Sarah made a comment that is true...I have a life full of drama. Whether I want it or not. It seems like that has always been the case. Since I was a teenager I put myself in situations that were unusual, or that gave me a variety of friends and experiences which lent itself to some odd - and ongoing "drama". From being a gym rat from the time I was 4, to dancing, to modeling, to my situation with Noel, Khory, etc. All these decisions have had their consequences and generally for better or worse, still affect my life today. My extended family is no exception. My parents divorce also is a source of complication that carries over to my life and how I deal. So when someone says I have a complicated life, or drama filled life, I cant disagree with them entirely.

This week was a rollercoaster of dealing with a situation that I have come to realize that even though I know I am right, want to fight so hard for, believe my way would be better- I had to let go for Elijiahs sake. There are two people in Elijiahs life that give tremendous lip service to what they think is a better way, but all they do proves that they care not for Elijiah, but for their own selves. I want to go on record to Elijiah - that I have tried. Tried for the last several years to make things change, to have Khory see reason, to have him understand. But our past makes it impossible for this to work. So instead of dragging Elijiah through a painful custody battle(understatement at best), having his parents end up hating eachother(which we are close to at the moment) because it will be more ugly than I care to admit to myself, and more destructive to all parties, I have thrown up the white flag, even though my whole heart and soul believes it is wrong. I have no ability to negotiate in the future, and leave all of this on my faith that Heavenly Father will help me and Elijiah as time goes on. I love Elijiah more than life itself and I cannot make him suffer anything more because of his dad. The one positive thing that I am seeing is that while Khory is verbally abusive, and that abuse once made me hurt and caused damamge beyond what I thought possible, the things he said to me this week bounced off more easily. I consider that progress.

Jonathan has been my rock. Unbelievable considering all we have dealt with this past year. He has his own challenges and stress- work and school give him a lot to deal with, but add my life, well what can I say. He's pretty remarkable.

Baby Shower

Today was an interesting day...in the morning Jonathan and I attended Allisons funeral, which was incredibly sad. I dont know what else to say...

My cousin and mother hosted a baby shower for me this afternoon and I am once again overwhelmed by my family and friends outpouring of love and support. We received lots of wonderful gifts and to everyone we thank you!