Crazy Week

Im not sure what the deal is but after the weekend from Hell, this week has been very hectic. Nothing terrible or life altering has gone on, really just the routine. But its Friday and Im totally exhausted. Jonathan had a CRAZY work week, Tristan is now back up several times a night so sleep...what SLEEP?? I had another Migraine last night.....
I guess I'm fully aware of how hard this working and being a mom to TWO kids really is. I still think of adding another one to the mix, but then I think Im insane. I feel pulled in a lot of directions like everyone else, but the guilt is present. I dont think Im good at anything at the moment. For instance, at work I seem to muttle through the days...at home Im just trying to keep things going, and dont have the energy for a lot of quality play with Elijiah. Tristan-- all I can think about is getting him to sleep. Jonathan and I have bouts of interaction here and there, but time for us is rare( which is normal I know with a newborn) then me...the only thing I do for me is go for my run if I can do so each day. ( BUT tonight im going to a movie with friends- but really would rather sleep--can you tell sleep is on my mind?? :) )SO guess what? Thats life. Strange that as much as I stress about things and having a hard time juggling....I really am happy. Happy that I have a good job. Happy that my kids are healthy, safe, and well. Happy to live in our house. Happy Happy with my marriage. Im overwhelmed, have too many competing priorities and too many obligations but Im content and at peace.
( If I could just get a handle on the headaches life would be crazy good)

What a day(s)

It started on Thursday, the pounding and sharp pain. I took my meds and thankfully my head started to feel better. By Saturday it was back and yet another pill. I again felt a little better and so Jonathan and I ran our Saturday errands. However by the afternoon my migraine was back again and so one more pill. This time I was praying it would go away. Between being concerned about a rebound headache and wondering how long I would be in pain I went to bed early. It was the beginning of a long night. The pain increased and with every hour going by I knew I was in trouble. Thankfully Tristan slept until 4am and I was able to stumble out of bed. I didnt want to let Jonathan get up as I knew I would be helpless the rest of the day. Tristans cry was peircing and every move I made was agony but I got him fed, changed and put back to sleep within an hour. By 11 am Jonathan called his mom to come up and gratefully he took me to the ER. Ive been pumped full of drugs and now 5pm am feeling so much better. I did however get sick dispite the Zofran to keep me from throwing up, but whats a little head in the toilet after 72 hours of pain? NOTHING I tell you. I am so grateful to Cindi for taking care of Tristan( and our home- including the laundry that has been stacking up...THANKS!!!!!!!!!) for us.
Jonathan is the best care taker. I just wish he didnt have to demonstrate those skills with such frequency.
The highlight for today? Tristan slept a record 4 hours. FANTASTIC!

A little father-son moment before nightly tubby time - Thanks for capturing this one honey, I love it! ~jeb

Tagged-Joys, Fears,Goals,Current Obsessions, and Random Facts

Ok, so I do these tags, maybe because when I first arrive at work Im not quite ready to dive headfirst into things-- so here goes...

Joys:
Like my friend Jaynann who tagged me-- my joys are obviously my hubby, kids, family, but there are several other things worth mentioning..
1. Going for a run and feeling like I could run forever
2. Walking on sand
3. A clean house
4. Reading a new book and not wanting to put it down
5. Anti-wrinkle cream

Fears:
1. Something bad happening to loved ones
2. SNAKES!
3.Seriously this is true- being out camping- in the middle of nowhere and having some wild animal attack the tent. Which is why I RARELY do this anymore. Im more of a "camp close to civilization" person now.

Goals:
This is really hard for me because lots of goals have shifted this past year so Im not sure anymore.
Good Idea for me to make some new ones.

Current Obsessions:
1. Fitting back into ALL my clothes- loosing the last 7 pounds of prego weight.
2.Ben and Jerrys Ice cream( have to have my ice cream each week)
3.Getting sleep( Tristan is doing so much better at night! Getting up only once now)
4.Selling our house

Random Facts:
1. I am a drill sargent around the house. Jonathan knows this too well and goes along with my craziness on weekends to get stuff done.
2. Wish to get lazer surgery done on my eyes, but secretly like my glasses because I dont notice my crows feet as much with them on.
3. Hate the newest and latest tech gadets. They confuse me. Too many buttons that do too many things.
4. Ideal job is to coach again. Miss being in a gym.

Now Im tagging the following, but as usual if you dont want to participate no worries!

Whitney
Raegan
Casey
Monica
Brooke

First Day Back and updates

So it was a bit painful I must admit- going back to work. I was doing okay until Jonathan put the phone to Tristans ear so I could say hi and I heard him make some noise and I started to cry. However my co-workers were super nice and it was for the most part a day of reading emails. So nothing really crazy. I just absolutely miss my kids even more than I thought possible, and so my coping mechanism at the moment is just try to not think about someone else being with him. Denial- it helps a bit. Cindi, Jonathans mom, is the one helping us out by watching Tristan for a few days each week( then my sister one day a week) and I guess the day went well for her. Tristan didnt sleep but at least he didnt cry for her. I am so grateful for her willingness to help us...it will make the transition to daycare in a few weeks a bit easier, and its comforting to know that Tristan is with someone that loves him.

Last night after work we went to my sisters house for a dinner/celebration for my Dads birthday. I really enjoyed visting with everyone, and dispite a screaming child due to lack of sleep, some trampoline accidents with Elijah and Syliah, I think the night was a success. ( Sorry Dad for the craziness with the kids!) I always enjoy getting together and catching up.

Other news is that my other sister Raegan has found a place to live in Indiana. I cant even begin to explain the drama and problems with finding a house. They have been in and out of hotels with 4 kids and two of them in school and I know that for Raegan this last month or so has been a nightmare. So this is great news and I hope that they will get settled and things will go better now that they have a place to live.

Other than that - our lives are back it seems to the insane schedules and running around. I didnt get my daily run in, but its okay...over the last 3 weeks Ive been able to do so and a day off wont kill me.( I think the heat will though- our air conditioner isnt working! )

Sad sad sad

It has been quite some time since I was depressed but honestly, I am today... How lame and pathetic am I to be depressed right now when Amber is having to deal with the pain of going back to work after just 6 weeks with our baby!? I have no problem admitting that she's a super-hero and I'm a struggling side-kick and all I know is that I've been telecommuting for the past couple months and for the last 6 weeks, I've been able to pretty much spend every minute of every day with my dear sweet wife and new son. Honestly, my closest friends used to drive me nuts after spending more than a few hours together so I'm amazed that Amber and I were able to not only "get along", but have some of the most amazing moments of our marriage recently. All I know is that I have been so utterly blessed in my life and I'm so grateful for the concentrated time I've been able to have with my soul mate and little boy.

Sleeping

This is the funniest picture we have taken thus far.( in my opinion) Tristan still screams to get to sleep and utterly refuses to fall asleep in any normal way. The other night I was bouncing him on his stomach and he wasnt having it.... I would then prop him up and he would stop crying. Well this continued over and over and I noticed that if he was sitting up he would start to doze off. I cant believe our child hates to sleep so much that he fights it whole heartedly. This is the result of Mommy giving up her own belief in how a child should sleep, and letting Tristan decide. Is this concept something I should embrace for the future?

Maternity leave coming to an end..

Last night feeding Tristan around 3am, I realized that he was born 6 weeks ago almost to the minute....this marked my thinking yet again that my time with him is really over. I know that Ive done this before( go back to work after 6 weeks) but it doesnt get easier Ive decided. These last 6 weeks have been really hard with him. With the colic and not sleeping we have really just been surviving. I havent really been able to enjoy him all the much which is really sad. He is just starting to smile and on the rare occassion he is happy I get such a rush of love for my little man....
I just wish I could be around to see his mood improve and see the smiles more and more.
Work starts monday and I am grateful to be returning to people that I enjoy working with, and a company and job I like, but there isnt anything that will make that day easier. Being a mom is so hard, but is the most amazing thing. I took out Elijiahs home videos last night to remember him as a baby and was amazed at each stage, not like you forget perse, but time passes so FAST! It will be the same with Tristan and I dont want to miss a second of it. These boys( Jonathan included here ) that I have been blessed with, make my life complete in a way that I never thought possible. And so today being Friday and Monday will come too quickly, Im going to enjoy this beautiful weather and my two munchkins as much as possible over the next couple of days.

A few new pictures...

Since we are still in our house, I couldnt let another summer go by without giving Elijiah something to do in the backyard...now its not the Costco one that I would LoVe, but it works! Jonathan and his Dad spent all day last Saturday putting it together and having some good dad/son time. Thanks you guys!!!! Its great to send the boy outside and see him and the neighborhood friends playing.

Can you believe it?! Look at our BOY! He is getting so big..the newborn phase is quickly going....Hes quite handsome just like his Daddy if I do say so myself!

Mission Call

Went up to Ogden earlier this week to have dinner and be with my brother when he opened his mission call. Here he is opening the letter...and he is going to South Africa!!!( leaving at the end of September)

He is totally stoked (a little sad he wont be learning a language) but like wise S.A. holds a special place in all our hearts. My grandparents were born and raised there. My mom was jumping up and down so excited for Cory and immediately said that she wants to go and pick him up when his is done. I dont know why but I got a little teary upon hearing he was going there. This is going to be great for my brother. Congratulations Cory...Im super happy for you!!!!

Swimsuit and stuff

Isnt this the funniest picture?!!!! Tristan has improved significantly on his sleeping but this is because Ive given up trying to put him in his bassinet. I tend to keep him on my person and he will take a decent nap in the afternoon. Here he is in the front pack fast asleep. I LOVE IT!! haha.

Dont you just LOVE this swimsuit? Okay so Jonathan was down with me getting something that I would feel comfortable in as my bikinis just werent post prego friendly.

However this one was WAY beyond my budget but we found one on Ebay that was cheaper than the regular price and I bought it. I was SO excited when it came and I rushed to try it on. Now I have always bought my swimsuits online so I was totally disappointed to find that my top half doesnt quite fit this suit all that well....Im hoping my mother and her mad sewing skills can help out with that problem so I can keep it.

I cant say that much is happening around here these days. Just surviving each new day, taking my daily run, and hanging out. With my goal to get Tristan to sleep as much as possible-all my lofty plans of cooking and baking, cleaning and staying on top of it all is going by the way side.

Formula for sale!

Hey all! Anyone interested in buying some formula?( or know someone?)We thought we would be smart and stock up before Tristan was born, but with him on Nutramigen now we have these cans we need to sell( stores wont let us exchange or return). Anyway let me know- I would love to get some cash for these so I can buy our kid some food!

My belated answers babes...

So as you of all people know hon, this week has been BONKERS but I apologize for the late response to this nonetheless!

Our first lunch date was at the Aves Bakery. What was your first impression of me when we met?

Well Amber-dear, as you remember, we had some really amazingly candid and thoughtful email communications and phone conversations before we met so I already had a pretty good idea of what your personality would be like. I had already seen a lot of pictures of you as well so I thought that I was pretty prepared for our first meeting. I wore my favorite shirt, my favorite beenie, hot-guy cologne, and was prepared to make you immediately infatuated with me employing a false attitude of casual indifference mixed with a heavy dose of charm.

Well, the best laid plans of man oft go to waste... I walked in, saw you sitting in the far corner with a newspaper played out before you and a very sexy look of astute relaxation and BAM, all my game flew away to nothingness and I couldn't help but grin like a big dopey dwebe. If you recall, I was so flustered I had to immediately excuse myself to the restroom even though I really didn't HAVE to go...

I remember that you wore a reddish/maroon lightweight wool sweater with a V-cut front, your glasses, and had your wonderful curly hair down. I thought to myself, "this girl is WAY too put together" and had a really hard time getting comfortable the rest of the date. As we chatted, I continued to get more and more nervous as I realized how sharp, passionate, STRIKING, and on the ball you were but I did my best to impress in spite of my intimidation.

In all reality babes, although I now know that I need not be intimidated by you, all those things I felt as first impressions were in fact characteristics that you posess. The great impressions I had about you at first glance still remain and have only been added upon by characteristics that amaze me every single day... Not even your habit of stomping around the house like a marine in bootcamp early on Saturday mornings has tarnished my impression of you!

~hubbabubba

My day has begun

Jonathan has been pretty busy this week and Ive come to realize that there is no way he could leave me with Tristan alone at this point even for a day. Ive also discovered due to Tristans colic or whatever problem he has-- sleep will most likely never happen in THIS house. With occassional exception, he rarely will sleep more than several hours at a strech. My nights( or days )seem to start between 2-3am and go until 9pm the next night when I can finally fall into bed. Its not just the crying, but this child of ours fights sleeping no matter what! His eyes could be rolling into the back of his head but dang it if he will sleep. Ive come to know that it takes sometimes hours to get him to fall asleep and that sleep can last a few minutes so whenever this does happen, I race around like a mad woman to get anything done. We do everything they say to do with a colicy baby- white noise, swaddle, shushing( this does work during his hysterics ) etc etc. I think that because Jonathan was gone yesterday, and last night and I didnt get my usual few breaks during the day, Im especially worn out. I know this will pass, but I often ask myself how can a little baby go WITHOUT sleep? Jonathan often comes to bed around midnight / 1am( to give me 9-2am sleep) and he tells me its not usually till then will Tristan fall asleep, but if thie kid is up for me around 2 or three and OFTEN doesnt go back to sleep how is this kid surviving?