Home in Holladay

Moving Moving Moving was our last few days...however----we are back in our house in Holladay! Dont know for how long and so most of everything will stay boxed, but at least the horrible weekend is over!( now comes the organizing and making the house liveable!)

We had to make a deal with the devil which I will say Jonathan must know how much I love him to do it. ComC@st c@ble company is the most crooked dealing company!!! I have personally filed 2 better business complaints against them. I told Jonathan that UNDER NO circumstances would we give them business when we returned to the house and he agreed. However after dealing with several other options and ordering a non working modem from another local company - Jonathan was getting a bit stressed out. Starting school again today - he needed to be connected to the internet and FAST. He asked me sooooo nicely if he could grab a modem from the devil himself as he HAD to be online that day. Because I love him sooooo much I agreed....but with lots of hesitation :(

Our weekend came to a close with a joint bday party for all Sept birthdays. It was a fun affair and Jessica was kind enough to send photos as our camara is still under a pile of boxes somewhere in the house. Grandma came up from San Diego to spend a few days with us all and it was great to see her.

Dad, and Nancy

Posing with grandma

me and the kids

My sister Jessica and Family

Grandma showing off her gifts

All the birthday folks!!!!

Amber's New Dew - Like/Dislike?

Amber had another bad migraine today so she wasn't able to post this new dew pic, but I thought I'd get it up fast so all her friends could say whether it's a hit, or a miss... =)

head update

After talking with my dad today he made an assumption that since I havent commented about my headaches lately that I must have been doing a bit better.

Oh I wish that were true. :(

Ive stopped taking my last medication, and have been put on cymbalta( havent seen any results yet) have continued physcial therapy, and had an occular nerve block last week. However since last week ive had a headache ( with the exception of one day) everyday. Jonathan seems to think that there is a vast improvement as yesterdays headache was terrible but eventually went away without medication. I dont know....

What I do know, is that having daily or almost daily headaches either requiring long intervals of laying down in the dark with ice packs, or putting vast quantities of drugs in my system is not really living life to its fullest and is incredibily challenging. Because of this, I really am fine with the course of action for our lives, but still wishing I could just get rid of these darn things!

The geat escape... well almost!

I find this to be extremely funny even though I'm sure I'll rue the day that he actually DOES escape his nightly prison and smacks me in the face in my bed at 4:00 in the morning. He's SO CLOSE!!!

gratitude

I read something a little while ago that makes me believe in miracles. We have had some small happiness ourselves this past week.
-Ive gone 5 days without a headache. Ive stopped taking medication that was making me feel sick...my appetite has returned, there is joy again in life ( amazing when you are ill how the outlook can be dim)
-Tristan doesnt have shark teeth, but rather just horrible white things( cankers ?) behind his front teeth
-We had a relaxing weekend that was MUCH needed
-We will be moving( not fun) back to our old house in about a week. This alone has made me ponder on the last 6 months of living with my mother and step father how the time has gone by so quickly. And also reflect on the fact that I will miss them and this time a great deal. All of us were always so busy.... There were few times where we did things but for the most part it was just passing by and perhaps sharing a meal here and there. They watched the kids for us on occasion so we could have a date night once and a while....but more than anything it was giving us the opportunity to have choices in our life. What we started out planning for and where we are now, are polar opposite, but for the first time, I really feel peaceful about the direction. Not that it will be an easy road, but one that is best for us.
-So grateful I have been for Jonathan and his ability to keep going inspite of my ongoing struggles. Tristans ongoing sicknesses....and the life that we have. Because while we love every second, neither he nor I realized how hard it can be. We think all the time about what might have been had we met years prior, but in the end we both realize that we wouldnt change a thing.
-I had a good night with Elijiah last night. Something that usually is rare and far between. He is a moody child, often going from sweet and kind to mean, or grouchy. But last night we wrestled, played, tickled and had lots of cuddling. Its been hard on him with Tristan being SO demanding not only of my time but physically. Tristan doesnt like ANYONE else to sit next to, hug, or be close to me. He screams anytime I pay attention to someone other than him and so Elijiah has felt left out. I make special time to be with just him, and like last night it was great. I miss my one on one time with Elijiah. For most of his first 4 years it was just the two of us.( khory was gone a great deal) and then he had to adjust to Jonathan and a new baby very quickly. Hes done a great job, but I have to remember he needs me too. Last night was fun.
-Im still working on putting together my past years blog book. But I realize that even though Im blogged out...tired of worrying about documenting all the details of our lives and posting pictures, when I see the book, and how it turns out to be the journal of all of us, it continues to motivate me to keep blogging. So last but not least, my thoughts this morning ran its course to the blog...how grateful I am for blogging. It has allowed me to share the good, bad and ugly, but more importantly reflect upon the changes of our family and always be amazed at, and grateful for- the simple things in life.

Nothing but crazy in this house

What a week!

These are the weeks that I wonder if Jonathan and I will truly go mad. Migraine after migraine, and Tristan up with fever for 4 nights in a row, plus he stopped eating after the 2nd day- talk about FUN at the bechtold house! We were initially thinking it was him just teething again, but after he stopped eating, we realized that we might have another bout of thrush. But on the 3rd day I noticed cankers developing in his mouth and he was in terrible pain, so much that day care called and told me he was inconsolable and had to be picked up. Add a sick child to my already drained and sick state, it was a bad combo. Ive been missing a bit of work running around to physical therapy and seeing neurologists this week and the last thing we needed was for Tristan to be really ill. The other night Jonathan and I decided we needed to take him to urgent care and we were told there was a kids care at Mckay Dee hospital. So we packed up and head out. Much to our astonishment when we get there we were told that though they are "urgent care clinic" its an appointment only. So much for that. So another sleepless night and I took him to the doctor the next day. HOLY MOLY! Some clinical name but was told he had some summer virus that was contagious but there was no medication for,( other than swish his mouth with mylanta) but it wasnt thrush it was the cankers. POOR kid. Hes been eating yogurt and thats about it for two days now. Well after the worst migraine attack last night where I literally thought I was going to die, I am feeling better. I dont think I have ever likened a migraine to giving birth before on the pain scale and I did last night. At least when you give birth you know the pain will at some point end. But after 16 hours of pain- horrible crawl out of my skin pain, I didnt think I could stand it anymore I took my medication( I didnt want to as the dr. told me that I am now getting rebounds from the meds I am taking and that I should try and not take anything for 2 weeks. I laughed when he said that, but told him I would try. So I tried....and failed) because within 20 minutes of taking the meds I was pain free. Pure Bliss. Next week I get to have injections in my head---and for once Im excited. To think something is being done and I might have some relief is a miracle.

Jonathan gave me a blessing and I so appreciated it. It gives me strength when I think about what was said. On another note, I think Tristan is doing better, his fever finally broke and while his mouth is still in sad shape, he ate with a vengeance this morning. And that is good news. Today is Friday - and I cant tell you how excited I am to be done with this week!

backpack drive

I can say a few things about my job on this here blog right?? I do like many things about it. One of those things is being a part of a small HR team that makes decisions as to what we do as a company, and how we support the community. Last year we did a backback drive. Now Disney as a whole does this, but doesnt tell us where we have to donate to, thats for us to decide. Being that time of year again we participated in the event and overall had a great time in doing it. Naturally the filling of the packs came to us "girls" but what can you expect of a company 99% of men huh?
I told Katie to turn around otherwise I get a butt shot of her...but she remained turned....sooo what I am to do??!!!
Here we all are doing our best to fill 30 packs as we had to deliver them later that same day...needless to say it was a good time.
After we delivered the backpacks we got a tour of the school ( its a k-3) school primarily serving the Hispanic community and ESL population at night to help them learn English. Its a wonderful outreach school with many needs. While it was a small donation in the grand scheme of things, it still felt good that we as a company and as individuals did something that was meaningful and appreciated.

This is the computer lab/ library. All of the computers were donated by a grant and it incredible to see that these kids get access to top of the line technology as their "east" side students. To much inequality to start out with and these things really help. Anyway it was a fun day ( well several weeks of collecting donations, but a day to get everything together and delivered) and it was well worth the effort.

Migraines- what is it all for anyway?

As I sat in my car this morning trying to muster the strength to get out, wipe the tears from my face and get on the elevator to face my day at work, I had to ask when will the merry go round of my life end? I seem to have once been the super woman of all things. Juggling parenthood, work, and life pretty well. My career was satisfying; I was doing well, making strides in an upward motion juggling both the family life and career, and my social life well. However when I started working for my current employer and got pregnant with Tristan it seems nothing has been the same. Ive felt stagnant and uncaring about my career progression, infact even going as far as wanting to go get out of what I am doing. My juggling act has left more balls in the air and on the ground than completing the circle, and I have felt out of balance emotionally, physically, and spiritually in the last couple of years and its not been a good thing. I don’t know what tipped the scale. Was it the addition of the second child? Or the addition of a second child that was so demanding and less easy going than the first? What I do know is that I am drowning.
My headaches returned as expected once I gave birth to Tristan as they always do – the only time I am migraine free is during pregnancy. However I contribute any increase in frequency due to lack of sleep. I tend to believe that once a baby starts to sleep through the night they will go to the more normal range of once a week or 2-3 x a month frequency. However with each passing month since Tristan was born and them getting worse, ( the headaches) I realized that I needed to try again some new things…and revisit some old. Acupuncture was on the list. Tried for 2 months. ZERO improvement. Tried watching my diet and what I ate, nothing really triggered them specifically. I still wasn’t getting a lot of sleep but Tristan never slept well so I figured we were in for a long spell. Having a colicky and crying child didn’t help the nerves and stress, but he would grow out of that right? Work was always a battle of stress and juggling work/home life was just part of the game. Come 8 months after Tristan was born, more ER visits than the previous 10years put together I went back to the neurologist for what I thought would be the last resort. Daily medication. Topamax did help…but I lost 10 pounds, became very scatter-brained, lethargic, tired, and didn’t have a lot of energy so I cut back a bit on my meds hoping to still gain some effect ,but not keep the trend of losing weight and having no energy. It worked for about 3 months. I was able to manage my headaches with my medication when they hit, not always with one dose but with usually two, and if not, then a trip to the ER. However with the death of 3 family members, a daily commute of over an hour each way to work, Tristan screaming much of those commute hours, him still not sleeping well and getting up each morning between 4:30-5 am, renters that gave us headaches( no pun intended) it seemed that my migraines were returning with not only more frequency but with additional severity.
Over the last few months I have literally been having headaches 4-5 x a week. Sometimes lasting 24-36 hours at a time. Where I take my medication and have a few hours reprieve, it then it returns and I take a second dose of my meds, however I have then maxed out on my medication and it still doesn’t go away completely. I am in pain for another day or more until it finally goes away. Ill be pain free for a day until another one hits. This one either being a new one or a rebound and the cycle continues. I am forced to not take anything or double up on medication increasing my imitrex and narcotic intake making me susceptible to tolerating my medication and rebound headaches. Im currently in Physical Therapy 3x a week…this is the last resort my doctor said. There is nothing left to try. As my migraines become debilitating, Jonathan has to take care of not only me, but our family on top of managing his new job, and school. He often has to drop everything he is doing to pick me up from work, take me to the ER, find someone to watch the kids for me last minute or like the last time, take time away from work, get his family to drive with him several hours south as I was driving home from San Diego so he could get me off the freeway and drive us home. And this isn’t even half of it. NOOOO Sirreee…..its now hitting me emotionally. Im getting depressed. Im having a hard time functioning at work. Im starting to not be as productive as my headaches are daily, it hurts to look at a computer all day, Im frustrated, easily moved to tears, impatient with the kids, all I can focus on is how Im not healthy, whole, draining Jonathan who is working so hard to do well at his new job and going to be starting a very stressful grad program….He even said that if he has to he wont go to grad school in a few weeks if we don’t come up with a solution. He cant take care of everything and start school….well this isn’t acceptable. Hes worked too hard not to do continue….so something has to give…but what?
So what are the options? We have looked into just turning the house over to the bank( its been for sale for 18 months with no bites, tried to refi- no go) so I can quit my job, get healthy. But that is hard to consider. That is very stressful to think about. How will that affect the family long term? What are the consequences? Would we be better off with me just home with the kids? Less stress ? Yes—but would that be the answer? We are talking about it….Of the things that are disposable in life, - family NO, health- NO…job and a house??? Well Yes…..I can always take some time off work and return later to the work force…and maybe we would have to rent for a while. We don’t know the answer but, all we do know is something has to change. Ideally I would love to work part time. Have some flexibility. But that hasn’t been much of an option where I am currently so that isn’t an option unfortunately…..owell…everyday we worry about this…everyday we are trying to come up with a solution, a new solution that will make it so my health is restored. In the mean time, the thread that is holding me together is unraveling quickly and hopefully a miracle will occur. Perhaps we will sell the house, or maybe the PT that Im doing will suddenly kick in and Ill have another week without a headache. As Im writing this its now been 38 hours that Ive had a headache. Ive taken 2 imitrex and one barbiturate and its only taken the edge off. All I can do is keep getting through the days and hope that the next day will bring some saving grace.
The only thing that I can say at this point is Thank you. Thank you Jonathan for being the incredible man, father, husband you are. You cannot possibly imagine how amazing you are.

Ye Olde Men

Blogspot wouldn't be able to support the bandwidth required to tell the full tale of Jonathan & Carl Bechtold but suffice it to say that quite a lot of life came before the day that the olde man and I walked in college commencement together. Neither of us was really keen on doing the whole walking thang until we realized that we could do so together! Certainly this was a photo-op' that could not be missed so we sat through hours of name reading and barely audible speaches. I wouldn't have missed it for the world and there isn't a man out there with whom I'd rather share such an occasion.


Pops is one step ahead of me with a Master's in Psychology but I'm sure there will be more commencement pictures in a handful of years when I catch up to him with my MBATM. We'll probably be a little balder by then but will still be da sexiest men in da house! ;-) Thanks to the women who helped us get here!