Wild Ride of Nursing School- NOT!

Im just getting around to blogging about this. I had a good cry a week ago about it, and I figured Im in a better mental state to write about it now. I posted something similar about a year ago when I got my acceptance letter in September 07. Jonathan and I discussed options and we decided that we would put the house on the market, hopefully sell quickly(as the housing situation wasnt as bad then as now) and perhaps I would either quit my job at Disney, or see if I could reduce my hours, and go to school. So that was the original motivating factor in putting the house up for sale. Several months went by and I contacted the school as me starting in January wasnt going to happen...for one thing being pregnant and starting a program was suicide, and another we still had the house. I was able to defer for a year, and I was thrilled. I felt that for sure by then the house would sell, the baby would be older and I could juggle. With each passing month that the house didnt sell, Jonathan and I would have the conversation about what we should do. We discussed keeping the house(not a favorite thought), not going back to school and perhaps we should still try to sell, but buy something more for our long term plan(bigger house). I went back and forth on - giving up my dream of being a nurse one that I had since I was 12, to Im an adult, with a family now, its not the right time to go further in debt, only to make about 1/2 of what I am making now etc. Ultimately the decision has been made purely by default. I have no idea what I would have chosen to do should the house have sold. The responsible me would say nope, weve got two kids, we want another one, we need to focus on them. The other part of me feels like a piece of me is dying- for all the hard work and sacrifice to have this option and seeing it go down the drain. What a bummer. As many of you know I got my BS degree at the time due to the wait for nursing. However when I was pregnant with Elijiah I went back to school to take all the nursing pre-reqs and then was placed on the wait list for FIVE years. 5 people! Ive worked in a job that is not professionally exciting to me, for the dream and hope of doing something that is meaningful, provides me more time to be with my kids etc etc. Now faced with the idea that the job I do everyday is possibly the same job Ill do for the next 30 years is unbelievably depressing. When I "officially" declined this next semesters start to the program, she let me know that if I were to change my mind or want to re-apply the wait is about 3 years now. The only thought that came to my head-- "oh goody". I dont think Ill put myself through all of this again, but who knows maybe when im 50 Ill think about it.