Thursday, January 31, 2008

Pregnancy complaints

Okay Okay, I KNOW Im a complainer...however I must vent and this is my outlet right? Also even though Ill be eventually printing my blog out someday and this child will eventually read this....it has to be done. ( this pregnancy is no different than his siblings so hes in good company) HERE WE GO!!!!!
I want to be done with this pregnancy! NOW! I want this tiny, lovely, soon to be love of my life - parasite OUT of my body. The home stretch is around the corner but between now and then he will Double in size from where he is now, and to be honest I dont think my body will stretch another inch. Or that I can remain sane when it does. Or that I wont require a tummy tuck when all is said and done. Im carrying him so low that I think I could quite possibly give birth at any moment, Im still peeing at a ridiculous rate 24 hours a day, and my newest issue is now I cant breathe when I try and sleep...so Im having to prop myself up. I know none of these things are unusual or that the 350,000 other women prego now dont have the same complaints, but really. Where is the justice? I know Jonathan deserves some great prize for being married to me through this whole thing, and dealing with my moods and pregnancy - but goodness sake, I feel like I should have the world handed to me after this dang it!
My maternity clothes are getting too tight, im never comfortable, I eat like a horse and try to say to myself that it will be okay( even though Im asking for like a year trying to take the weight off again...Ive gained 25lbs so far--with Elijiah it was 35total....)
I know from past experience if this child is over 8lbs the healing will be oh so fun! My headaches will likely return within days of giving birth and I will be complaining about another set of things...like my doughboy tummy, and being so tired I want the child BACK in me...I know I know.
My breasts have gotten so huge its laughable, my legs look like hot dogs( jonathan disagrees but what does he know?) I now have a butt, and celulite which again Jonathan seems to appreciate, but again not something I want! Yes there are days when I look at my belly and see him move that I am overcome by love...so no worries people, I am attached.
Lets see what else? I no longer care if my legs are shaved or if my toes are painted, although this bothers me- I tried to take a bath last night and had to sit upright because I couldnt lay down and I started to cry. How enjoyable is a bath without relaxing and reading? So it lasted all of 5 minutes. Im bothered by the fact I can no longer pick anything up off the ground without squatting first, and that there are a list of personal complaints that go along with pregnancy that I cant even discuss!
I miss my old OBGYN, and besides the NP's at my current doctors office Im not fond of any of the doc's, Id rather deliver in SLC especially now that Dr. Sellers isnt my doctor anymore- he no longer is practicing( which was the only reason I continued to go to provo) So Im bummed about that. Anyone want to recommend a fabulous OB they know? I do have a great pediatrician that I discovered when Elijiah was born so Im set there which is good. I cant imagine having to interview a list of kid doctors again( talk about stressful!)
Well, I think thats it for this morning! Whew! Heard enough?! I have....:)
Now back to work I go!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Beloved Prophet has passed away....

Gordon B. Hinckley what an amazing man.....while my testimoney wasnt built on him, he gave me hope, courage to do whats right, and inspired me to change.

This is what he said on April 5, 1997

"I am an old man given to meditation and prayer. I would
enjoy sitting in a rocker, swallowing prescriptions, listening to soft music and
contemplating the things of the universe. But such activity offers no
challenge and makes no contribution.

"I wish to be up and doing. I wish to face each day with
resolution and purpose. I wish to use every waking hour to give
encouragement to bless those whose burdens are heavy, to build faith and
strength of testimony. If in the process I should die on some distant
strand while speaking to my friends in the church, it would be better than if i
were to spend my days, looking out languidly upon the worlds without purpose or
design."

Friday, January 25, 2008

Adoption thoughts

I was reading the other day about ethiopia adoptions. Dont know why, and really no reason. However it got me thinking about how far removed I am from my own adoption as I dont think too much about it anymore. Well I guess thats not entirely true. Im understanding more and more that decision, more than any other in my life, has shaped how I feel about motherhood. My own feelings of loss with Noel, and to a great degree Elijiah. How the divorce from Elijiahs dad was put in motion by answers to numerous prayers, but how sometimes the feelings of loosing Elijiah puts me almost in a panic. Makes me second guess my decision. Its a hard thing to describe to people or have them understand that I feel like two people sometimes. One that is so grateful for a heavenly father that knows me and loves me...directed me in many ways to Jonathan and how happy I am in this current life, but also wishes for what was because it didnt trigger the type of pain of being separated from a child brings. I know I am working through those things as well, but for the basis of my thoughts its really about knowing there is a plan and I will follow in faith. Im not sure if any of that makes sense ----
Anyway back to my thoughts on adoption...I do feel somewhat removed. I am often brought to tears when I read placement/adoption stories because of being a birthmother, but also the joy of finally being a mother I tend to relate to the adoptive parents just the same. I as a child wanted to do what Ms Jolie Pitt is doing...adopt from all over the world. I remember a sacrament meeting in which a family had done just that. They were visiting our ward, and they had lots of kids...of all colors and nationalities, and thought it was the coolest thing. I dont know why perse, other than seeing a mix of races, backgrounds - thinking you could be a cohesive family inspite of these differences would be a wonderful thing to experience.
As I grew up I never thought different. I knew I wanted my own, but the idea of helping other children and providing a loving home for them would be an incredible experience and blessing. I havent convinced Jonathan yet- and while who knows if we will ever be in a financial position to consider international adoption, it is of corse something I still think about from time to time.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Running..LONG POST SORRY!!!!!

Ok, after I posted my last post, I decided to do some looking for Running blogs, articles on the web etc. I came across a woman of two boys and her love of running. Her husband feels the same way...: SEE POST:


It is difficult for me to put into words what running means and has meant in my life. Mostly, I avoid talking about it much since I seem to be incapable of doing it justice. It all comes out sounding cheesy and cliche and romanticized.

That said, let me give it a try by talking specifically about running and marriage.

Brett and I met while we were both living in MinneSOATah. At the time, Brett was training for the IronMan triathlon, and I was training for a marathon while competing in various smaller triathlons around the state. I was impressed by Brett's ambition to do IronMan, but his immediate reaction was, "well, why aren't YOU doing it?" And so I did. We started running and biking together and literally became best friends out on the road. One of our first "dates" was when Brett helped me pick out my first racing bike. I was already head over heels in love with him, but he wouldn't know that for at least another-- I don't know-- 12 hours or so.

The summer after we got married, we swam and biked and ran until our hearts content and our stomachs churned. We got up together at 4am every Sunday to bike 80-100 miles and then run. We would return home in the afternoon with blisters and sunburn and throbbing headaches; we would pull the shades, eat pounds of salted noodles, and watch hours of television. That fall, we both finished IronMan Wisconsin.

Running for me is as much a part of my life as sleeping and eating and reading stories to my boys. I started running when I was 12 and really haven't ever stopped. I was lucky to have parents who encouraged it, and I plan on interviewing my Dad on the subject soon (get ready, Dad!). Running gave me confidence as a teenager, it gave me focus and direction when I really needed it, it carried me through tough times, it brought me close to some of my very best friends, and it forged my relationship with my spouse. You might think I'm reaching here, dramatizing this one element of my life. But to me, it really has been this important. Really.


her father wrote this back:
*******************************
You may interview me anytime on the subject of running. You cannot know how happy it makes me that I have passed this passion on to you. For me it is the central point around my life philosophy of Carpe Diem, which you grew up with. The run is the seed activity from which much of the day's ideas and energy rise. Your passion for running was already in you - I just helped you find it. You have done the hard part - nurturing it, doing the work and effort to develop and mature it. You and Brett are passing this wonderful gift onto your kids.
*********************************

Because I feel a powerful inclination to stay in shape largely influenced by my mothers example, I want to share my thoughts about why this is so...
Both my parents were very athletic...my father played college soccer and tennis was a great love, he was very competitive and enjoyed biking as well. My mother started her exercise after she had my sis Raegan and it became a constant love of hers. While my dads fitness has been hit and miss largely I believe because of his work and travel, my mothers has been a source of keeping her sane with 5 kids and also a way to mentally stay healthy and look the way she does.
Both my parents encouraged each of us kids to develop our own talents and interests, but I will admit because my mother has maintained a healthy lifestyle at times we Devenney girls can become obsessive about our weight( ok dancing and modeling helped with that for me too...)But I truly believe my mother just wants us to develop healthy habits...
Anyway back to my running.

It started as a way to loose weight as a teenager when I began modeling. I wasnt doing competitive gymnastics anymore, or dancing so I needed some regular exercise. My mom always ran with the dogs and so I started to join on occassion. Running for me was not something I came to love. I hated running from the get go. I never could carry a conversation while running even in my best shape. I always puffed and panted like I was going to die. It was hard work. I felt better after doing it but it was a chore every time. This continues to this day. HOWEVER- there are days when I feel light, and could run forever days that my mental state is clearly improved by my time outdoors. I see and have seen a change in body type, or muscles develop and toning occur when im consistant. I enjoy the challenge of pushing myself and reaping the rewards of hard work...and yes running to me is hard. I do it not because I love to run, but how it makes me feel. I like that I too am showing my kids the importance of staying in shape, both physically and mentally. Ive been able to keep up running when all other ways of working out faded away( yoga, kickboxing etc) Keeva was my excuse to get out of the house or the kick in the pants to get me outdoors...some of my fondest memories of Elijiah are in the jogging stroller and spending this time together- hearing him talk, babble to himself, point out things along the way...my life has been defined by my cycles of running. While I was single I ran almost everyday for 6 months with Elijiah or without. I felt strong, healthy, capable, loved how I looked- I could eat anything I wanted and didnt worry about it, I was happy and generally looked forward to my runs. Then I hurt my knee. I dont know if its because I was running too much, not on good shoes or whatever....but everyday I would start out running and within 50 feet have to walk. I became angry and resentful that my body was betraying me. I continued to workout however be that on the treadmill or bike to stay fit, but my inability to run was a sore spot- depressing for me. It was the first time I could somewhat relate to anothers inability to function. I wondered if I would ever experience what I had taken for granted in the past. This is why I am determined to start running again after the baby is born. I have been easy on my knee, given it rest. I need to regain this sense of self again, the stress reliever that gets me outside and in the sun. While Im not or will never be a die hard runner in the sense of loving it, I love how it makes me feel.

Boring week...

I suppose it doesnt matter how often I post...this is really for me in the end...however I looked back over this past week and while we were super busy I cant think of what we were doing! Running around alot seems to be all I remember. We did have 3 people over the weekend come see the house- but no offers. :(
Went to Jonathans cousins farewell on Sunday...was house bound in the snow on Monday and baked and shoveled snow...I dont know I guess not very exciting but its our life.
I was reading a fellow blogger friends blog( does that even make sense?) Its comforting to know she is experiencing all the same stuff I am being pregnant...it makes me feel better Im not the only one complaining. I still have WAY too long to go and while we are getting closer and closer I also know with each passing day Ill be more uncomfortable. However its all worth it and I just have to keep telling myself that.
My mom and step dad and have decided to come aboard the marathon idea. So they went to the Salt Lake Running company to get analysis done on their feet, how they run, and what type of shoes to buy. I guess its quite remarkable what they learned, how they have been running on the wrong type of shoes for their feet for years( which is why my mom has ankle problems) and bought some new shoes. Anyway my mother called this am to say she used her new shoes for the first time and no hurt ankles after she was done! She thinks its a miracle. She is so excited for me to do the same thing- get the proper shoes for my feet and believes my knee problems will be helped. This actually does make me excited for training!
We are almost done with the major items for the baby's room. My sister--- if I didnt already mention--- passed along her car seat for us to use, so that is one less thing to buy. I think all thats left really is the bumper. Im reusing a bunch of stuff from Elijiah, but his bumper is a bit stained and missing ties, so getting something new will be fun.
Anyway busy at work, Jonathan is sick, but somewhat on the mend( I believe its been the lovely weather), Elijiah is doing well...life is good.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Planned Parenthood night

Monday night came and with it my trip to Planned Parenthood. This weeks topic was communication, what to say to your kids how to say it. We did role playing with specific topics how we would respond etc. It was again a great night. Some tips that I got....
When your kids ask a question if you are caught off gaurd or need a minute, say : You know thats a great question, Im not sure let me get some information together and we will talk about it _____. Or MMM great question! Let me think for a minute?

If your child asks a question clarify what they mean...this was one role play discussion: My friend Bobbie at school got in trouble for kissing a girl. Why?
Turn that question, or any question they ask around....and say" Well why do you think that he got in trouble?" It opens the dialog up and you can take if from there...also same goes for " How babies are made?" Well---how do you think they are made?" You can find out at what level they are thinking or what information they know, if its correct or not.

The thrid step, is to make sure you are answering the question in an age appropriate way, and using information that is consistant with your own values but gives them correct and direct answers.

And finally clarify that the child understands. We often talk "over" our kids( young kids) heads and they might not understand everything we say. So ask.

Anyway when I came home and went down to Elijiah and he was still awake waiting for me to come home. He had lots of questions, about why I need parenting classes that Im a good parent( ah that was nice) and that he doesnt like me going on his nights somewhere- that its his night with me, and we dont see eachother enough. (Point taken little one....no more scheduling things on my nights with Elijiah- I miss him a ton too.)

I told him I would do my best tho.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Weekend News- and selling our house....

Here are pictures of our house...doesnt it look nice when its all clean and organized!!
Kitchen( duh )
bedroom...
our living room...
front of the house...
Elijiahs room...
basement living room...
backyard...
( above are pcitures of our house that is for sale....pray for us and the thousands of others that need/want to sell their houses :) )
I love productive weekends....it seems that while Im still miserable-- I feel like I have a lot of energy now and why not put it to use. So preparing ourselves for the eventual living long term in this house, Jonathan and I decided that some serious organization has to occur. So instead of the baby's room downstairs with Elijiah, I would take the second bedroom upstairs that is my closet and move it downstairs and put the baby upstairs. Well space is a huge commodity in our small home, and so when everything is put away and clean, I feel like its okay...however if anything is out of place, cluttered or even a slight mess, I feel that I will loose my mind. This past saturday was going to be clean up day. So we dropped Elijiah off at his dads saturday morning for the weekend, and headed to the gym, had a good workout and proceeded to Target for storage items, and organizational thingamajiggers...while we where there I get a call from our real estate agent saying he has someone that will come by in several hours to look at the house. I was freaking out. Not only did I have to get the house organized but clean! So Jonathan and I headed home and spent the next 3 hours, cleaning to obsession, and getting the two rooms switched and put together. Literally when I put my last shoe box in the closet the door bell rang with the prospective buyer. Now we have no hope we will sell this house. I think not being optimistic is good. That way I have no disappointment if we end up staying longer than we would want to - however its good that we had someone come by if nothing else.


Saturday night was great... we got ready and headed south for a nice dinner with Jonathans parents. It was good to get to see them and enjoy some adult time.....

Sunday came and with it my step dads birthday so we headed up to my moms for dinner and celebration. All in all a great weekend by my standards and my house now feels one step closer to being put together for when the baby comes!

Elijiah

Elijiah
Toothpicks were all the rage

Noel

Noel

Tristan

Tristan

Jett

Jett