Working Mama

Being a working mother has its advantages for sure. I get a huge say in where our money goes. I have had money at my disposal for lots of guilty pleasures and that has been nice. While going through my terrible divorce I never worried how I was going to support myself like so many family members and friends. But I have often wondered how I ended up being a working mom. It was clear from my young women’s days in Church--- that all I ever wanted to be was a MOM. (Well I did also want to be a nurse, but that was lagging far behind the MOM title.) So how did I end up being a working mom not a SAHM? Well my other working moms and I have discussed this. Being college educated has played a big factor here. For the most part those of us that have finished college had loans to pay off. We also had husbands finishing school and so we chose to support those husbands while they finished school themselves. Some of us, while working to support our husbands, climbed the corporate ladder and while doing so, out earned our husbands while they finished school. So when they were done with school it wasn’t an automatic thing to suddenly stop working. Then came time to having kids. Again some husbands eventually caught up and others didn’t. Mine at the time started his own business and we didn’t have medical insurance and so I continued to work as the cost of insurance was close to 700.00 a month and that seemed outrageous at the time…plus we were struggling with the business. So it seemed too big a gamble to risk everything on one income. Then came the crisis in the marriage and I knew that for me to quit my job would be irresponsible for many reasons, but the biggest thing was if it didn’t work out how was I going to support myself? So while I hated working…life never seemed to present a good opportunity for me to just let my career go and stay home with my baby.

I was so grateful that I hadn’t ever left the work force entirely( I did have a stay at home stint for 6 months when Elijiah was a year old but it was too stressful on Khory when the business was just starting…)because when I did finally become divorced I realized how hard it was to be completely responsible for myself and my child. I no longer had a man to help with the day to day issues ….such as the rent or mortgage, all and any household bills, savings, retirement, home repairs, car repairs, groceries, day care, clothes( yes some of those child related things were split) Things that I took for granted all those years when you are married and discuss with a spouse…were now completely up to me to plan for, budget for and make happen. I was more than ever grateful for my job and happy to have a career in which was able to support Elijiah and I so well. See when I left my marriage I literally started over. I had my clothes…half of Elijiahs stuff, and a bean bag. That’s it.

Now why am I writing about this you may wonder? Because. I hate the fact that I work. I complain about it almost daily. Why is it that I , me , who has ALWAYS wanted to stay home with her babies, not done so? Has it been a choice? Perhaps…I guess I will never really know. However what I do know is that I received a blessing a long time ago that indicated that I would be blessed in my schooling, I would be blessed temporally when it mattered….and perhaps it is the fruition of that blessing in my ability to provide for my family and children when it has mattered. Im not always happy to work. Not happy to leave my children each day, I cry more times than I would like to admit, but I am grateful for my job. Grateful for when I have needed a job --I have one, been able to provide for myself, my family and at times for others. Jonathan and I have often talked about the day when I could quit my job will I do that???? I would like to say that I would go part time. But in reality for me to leave the work force all together is very scary. What if something happens to him- he gets injured? Laid off? Dies? We are in a building mode of retirement, savings, mission funds, paying off college loans etc. It almost seems irresponsible to put that burden on him alone when I can help. I don’t know….all I do know is again…I have much to be grateful for…and instead of complaining about my having to go to work everyday. I should be grateful I have a job to go to everyday.