Ive been getting emails this week from friends inquiring about the baby status..so instead of sending the same email out I just told them to check the blog.
Heres the deal. I wouldnt have been upset about being pregnant this long( I know I know Im not even OVER due yet) had I NOT been told from the VERY start I would be able to be induced a week early. That was my plan. The doctors said no problem...we looked at the calendar targeted a specific day...so all along during my miserable depression, and 6 months of being so sick, the sleepless nights, headahces and overall knowing that I HATE being pregnant, I had the EXPECTATION of control for when I could have this child. I have tried I really have to enjoy this time as people would say. I just have had two previous pregnancies with very different sets of problems and issues and the one thing that I could say was I was able to control was the delivery. It made somewhat of a difference to me at the end. So at todays appointment no change in status means they wont induce. He said he would schedule the induction for April 4th if I havent already had the baby. So worst case Ill be pregnant for another week and half. I am so angry. Mad at everything!!! Ive tried to be upbeat this last week thinking that this was it, for sure they wouldnt let me go longer. So to know they are letting me go as long as possible and for what? What does a few days difference really make? For me everything.
Im trying to turn this in to a lesson on control. That not everything goes to plan, and I cant be a freak about stuff. But for me there are so many things in my life I cant fix, cant control, that having something I can expect, predict and plan on, is imperative for me. Im close to loosing my mind at the moment, I know I will be ok, its only a few more days...but its in this moment that I truly understand about expectations. To have none, or not to have any expectations is a blessing. When you have any sort of expectation be that in relationships, at work, a deadline, how your hair should look after a cut and color, the way jeans should look on you etc( you know what Im getting at here...:) ) You can end up far more upset than going into to something and be pleasantly surprised. What is it that Jonathan always says...under promise and over deliver?! Novel idea I say.
Elijiah
Toothpicks were all the rage
Noel
Tristan
Jett
2 comments:
Your doctor sucks. You should seriously make him pay during deliver - if you know what I mean!!! I'm sorry!!! You are completely entitled to being grumpy, angry and whatever else you want to feel! I don't think this will make you feel any better, but from my experience a longer cooked baby sleeps better. I'm sorry! Hang in there.
I don't mean to butt in except I saw your comment on B&B blog about the bottles. I don't want to dig so far back into the archives of your past , but how did you survive and how long did it take for you to feel like you were going to live? Always nice to connect with someone that knows somewhat of what I am feeling. Not too often does that happen. Hope you have your sweet baby soon. Every day past the due date is an eternity!
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