Crazy Week

Im not sure what the deal is but after the weekend from Hell, this week has been very hectic. Nothing terrible or life altering has gone on, really just the routine. But its Friday and Im totally exhausted. Jonathan had a CRAZY work week, Tristan is now back up several times a night so sleep...what SLEEP?? I had another Migraine last night.....
I guess I'm fully aware of how hard this working and being a mom to TWO kids really is. I still think of adding another one to the mix, but then I think Im insane. I feel pulled in a lot of directions like everyone else, but the guilt is present. I dont think Im good at anything at the moment. For instance, at work I seem to muttle through the days...at home Im just trying to keep things going, and dont have the energy for a lot of quality play with Elijiah. Tristan-- all I can think about is getting him to sleep. Jonathan and I have bouts of interaction here and there, but time for us is rare( which is normal I know with a newborn) then me...the only thing I do for me is go for my run if I can do so each day. ( BUT tonight im going to a movie with friends- but really would rather sleep--can you tell sleep is on my mind?? :) )SO guess what? Thats life. Strange that as much as I stress about things and having a hard time juggling....I really am happy. Happy that I have a good job. Happy that my kids are healthy, safe, and well. Happy to live in our house. Happy Happy with my marriage. Im overwhelmed, have too many competing priorities and too many obligations but Im content and at peace.
( If I could just get a handle on the headaches life would be crazy good)

What a day(s)

It started on Thursday, the pounding and sharp pain. I took my meds and thankfully my head started to feel better. By Saturday it was back and yet another pill. I again felt a little better and so Jonathan and I ran our Saturday errands. However by the afternoon my migraine was back again and so one more pill. This time I was praying it would go away. Between being concerned about a rebound headache and wondering how long I would be in pain I went to bed early. It was the beginning of a long night. The pain increased and with every hour going by I knew I was in trouble. Thankfully Tristan slept until 4am and I was able to stumble out of bed. I didnt want to let Jonathan get up as I knew I would be helpless the rest of the day. Tristans cry was peircing and every move I made was agony but I got him fed, changed and put back to sleep within an hour. By 11 am Jonathan called his mom to come up and gratefully he took me to the ER. Ive been pumped full of drugs and now 5pm am feeling so much better. I did however get sick dispite the Zofran to keep me from throwing up, but whats a little head in the toilet after 72 hours of pain? NOTHING I tell you. I am so grateful to Cindi for taking care of Tristan( and our home- including the laundry that has been stacking up...THANKS!!!!!!!!!) for us.
Jonathan is the best care taker. I just wish he didnt have to demonstrate those skills with such frequency.
The highlight for today? Tristan slept a record 4 hours. FANTASTIC!

A little father-son moment before nightly tubby time - Thanks for capturing this one honey, I love it! ~jeb

Tagged-Joys, Fears,Goals,Current Obsessions, and Random Facts

Ok, so I do these tags, maybe because when I first arrive at work Im not quite ready to dive headfirst into things-- so here goes...

Joys:
Like my friend Jaynann who tagged me-- my joys are obviously my hubby, kids, family, but there are several other things worth mentioning..
1. Going for a run and feeling like I could run forever
2. Walking on sand
3. A clean house
4. Reading a new book and not wanting to put it down
5. Anti-wrinkle cream

Fears:
1. Something bad happening to loved ones
2. SNAKES!
3.Seriously this is true- being out camping- in the middle of nowhere and having some wild animal attack the tent. Which is why I RARELY do this anymore. Im more of a "camp close to civilization" person now.

Goals:
This is really hard for me because lots of goals have shifted this past year so Im not sure anymore.
Good Idea for me to make some new ones.

Current Obsessions:
1. Fitting back into ALL my clothes- loosing the last 7 pounds of prego weight.
2.Ben and Jerrys Ice cream( have to have my ice cream each week)
3.Getting sleep( Tristan is doing so much better at night! Getting up only once now)
4.Selling our house

Random Facts:
1. I am a drill sargent around the house. Jonathan knows this too well and goes along with my craziness on weekends to get stuff done.
2. Wish to get lazer surgery done on my eyes, but secretly like my glasses because I dont notice my crows feet as much with them on.
3. Hate the newest and latest tech gadets. They confuse me. Too many buttons that do too many things.
4. Ideal job is to coach again. Miss being in a gym.

Now Im tagging the following, but as usual if you dont want to participate no worries!

Whitney
Raegan
Casey
Monica
Brooke

First Day Back and updates

So it was a bit painful I must admit- going back to work. I was doing okay until Jonathan put the phone to Tristans ear so I could say hi and I heard him make some noise and I started to cry. However my co-workers were super nice and it was for the most part a day of reading emails. So nothing really crazy. I just absolutely miss my kids even more than I thought possible, and so my coping mechanism at the moment is just try to not think about someone else being with him. Denial- it helps a bit. Cindi, Jonathans mom, is the one helping us out by watching Tristan for a few days each week( then my sister one day a week) and I guess the day went well for her. Tristan didnt sleep but at least he didnt cry for her. I am so grateful for her willingness to help us...it will make the transition to daycare in a few weeks a bit easier, and its comforting to know that Tristan is with someone that loves him.

Last night after work we went to my sisters house for a dinner/celebration for my Dads birthday. I really enjoyed visting with everyone, and dispite a screaming child due to lack of sleep, some trampoline accidents with Elijah and Syliah, I think the night was a success. ( Sorry Dad for the craziness with the kids!) I always enjoy getting together and catching up.

Other news is that my other sister Raegan has found a place to live in Indiana. I cant even begin to explain the drama and problems with finding a house. They have been in and out of hotels with 4 kids and two of them in school and I know that for Raegan this last month or so has been a nightmare. So this is great news and I hope that they will get settled and things will go better now that they have a place to live.

Other than that - our lives are back it seems to the insane schedules and running around. I didnt get my daily run in, but its okay...over the last 3 weeks Ive been able to do so and a day off wont kill me.( I think the heat will though- our air conditioner isnt working! )

Sad sad sad

It has been quite some time since I was depressed but honestly, I am today... How lame and pathetic am I to be depressed right now when Amber is having to deal with the pain of going back to work after just 6 weeks with our baby!? I have no problem admitting that she's a super-hero and I'm a struggling side-kick and all I know is that I've been telecommuting for the past couple months and for the last 6 weeks, I've been able to pretty much spend every minute of every day with my dear sweet wife and new son. Honestly, my closest friends used to drive me nuts after spending more than a few hours together so I'm amazed that Amber and I were able to not only "get along", but have some of the most amazing moments of our marriage recently. All I know is that I have been so utterly blessed in my life and I'm so grateful for the concentrated time I've been able to have with my soul mate and little boy.

Sleeping

This is the funniest picture we have taken thus far.( in my opinion) Tristan still screams to get to sleep and utterly refuses to fall asleep in any normal way. The other night I was bouncing him on his stomach and he wasnt having it.... I would then prop him up and he would stop crying. Well this continued over and over and I noticed that if he was sitting up he would start to doze off. I cant believe our child hates to sleep so much that he fights it whole heartedly. This is the result of Mommy giving up her own belief in how a child should sleep, and letting Tristan decide. Is this concept something I should embrace for the future?