Avalanche Software

http://avalanchesoftware.blogspot.com


So if you are interested in seeing some COOL stuff check out my company's blog.

These are the folks I now recruit. FUN!

My girls!

So as I was posting the last post I remembered my friends!! The above picture isnt great because its missing brenda- she would be on the far right if the picture wasnt chopped off....anyway Im posting this because Abbie, the girls lap I am sitting on, is moving to Chicago this weekend. SO SAD! Its a great oopportunity for her, she got a promotion, but sad for the rest of us. All six of us, me, abbie, andrea, allison, brenda, tisha have known eachother for what 11-12 years now? Its been a group of girls that has bonded over work, love, divorces, weddings, kids, and all of lifes stuff and to have one of the group go is tough. Allison has this great scrapbook of all of us over the years and its amazing. These women while we are all so different have been there for me and vice versa and I feel tremendously blessed to have them in my life. Our going away girls dinner for Abbie is tomorrow night..so Ill definately post some pictures .....

Blah Blah

So Jonathan asked the other night why I hadnt posted for a few days...the answer- my life at the moment is lame. I go to work, which is so boring there isnt anything to report, I come home 90% of the time feeling sick and lay around on the couch till I can go to bed at 8pm. SOOOOO when I think as to why there isnt anything to post, its because for the time being there isnt anything to talk about.

However just because my pregnancy is kicking my butt thus far, doesnt mean people around me are just as boring. Jonathan is busy each day with potentially new opportunities at work, he is excercising everyday, cooking dinner and cleaning the house. He is superman. And it is much appreciated. Elijiah seems to be stir crazy, when I asked him why he is going a million miles an hour around the house, he stoped looked at me and said- because you dont play with me anymore. WOW, I felt like the lamest mother ever. It is true though...he is like the tasmanian devil, and all I do is comment from time to time from my fetal position on the couch.

On an up note, Jonathan and I will be making the trek up to Cody, WY for the Labor Day weekend. Hopefully I will feel good and we can have some quality time together because next week is a bit crazy. Wed - Fri Ill be in Austin, TX for a gaming convention.

Ode to old times

or the link....to view larger ( honored to be on her portfolio )

http://carbonbased.biz/jvave.htm


Ok, so as we were headed back from our trip to canada we stopped off at my aunts to stay the night. Well she has this wonderful collection of old photos on her fridge of family and I noticed there was one picture of my friend Jenna and I back when we were 16 and 17 years old. We were posing with my uncle ed. I got a good chuckle out of the photo and I honestly didnt remember having taken it. With being pregnant now, thinking back to when I was pregnant with Elijiah I cant help but think of this show( Jenna's debut ) She was graduating from Fashion Design school and this was the big show of all the students. It was a huge production, I flew in from Utah, and one of the makeup artists that was working on me was someone that I had worked with in the past- it was fun to catch up. When Jenna asked me to be a part of her final project it was going to be a bit of a challenge...she was designing outfits for each model, and obviously I was the only one flying in, so she had to complete my outfit kinda last minute.( See above on runway- Jenna literally put everything together in 2 days for me to wear this- true talent) The kicker was I was pregnant with Elijiah and didnt know how big I was going to get( lucky I was only about 4 months along and I didnt show a ton yet...) So I arrive in SF the weekend of the show or I should say a few days before hand and did an array of fittings for her. She obviously had to expand the waist line on the pant suit she designed but I was pleased to be a part of this wonderful day for her and honored she asked me. Jenna and I were as close as sisters. We often got called that as well. She and I were and are kindred spirits and I have always been grateful for her friendship. We were tight as thieves for many years and while its been hard since we live on opposite ends of the coast, I know she is always there. Jenna is a smashing design success now in NY and living her dream.......

Motherhood

(Keeva and Elijiah 2 years ago)


I want to quote a passage from a great book I just finished...it talks about motherhood in a wonderful way...as I was reading this, it rang so true.

" Watching something you love grow is both pleasure and pain. Each new phase- crawling, walking, talking, brings shouts of praise but with each also is the mourning of the phase gone past. Never again the cluck of her chin as she fed, never again small enough to carry in one arm while I stirred soup or carried wood with the other; never again an infant lying on the blanket in the fields while we worked. The soft down of her scalp, fingers the size of beads, the whispers before words come, behind the joy of each new talent, I regretted the passing of the last. I had a secret longing to keep her small and precious and a part of me. As miserable as I was during pregnancy I now often dreamt that she was back inside my body and that the two of us were floating like that forever, clinging to the other for soft comfort in some eternal womb.
Time is impatient to take your child from you. So you learn that each moment is precious, and that life is an inevitable clock. The pleasure of rearing a child is just a prelude to the pain of letting it go, and I anticipated that with an ache every day of her small life. I thought it would make it easier when she finally reached adulthood. But it didnt.
No matter what wisdoms or tricks for happiness you learn, a mother worries every day of her life for her child. A wise one will pretend to let them go to keep them, but its just a sensible lie. Motherhood is a sweet, sweet suffering; a joy today is marked by fear for tomorrow and a craving for yesterday."

I read that and realized that I too have mourned the passing of each stage for Elijiah. I remember for instance when he was first born and I would pray- oh just get him to sleep through the night, oh my how great it is when he doesnt have to drink formula, or seeing him walk then run, or the spoons afixed to his palms change to his match box cars. His head of curls go to the staight hair and shaved head....each little memory of him is burned into my mind, and I am amazed at how fast each stage passes. The roundness of toddlerhood to the lanky limbs of childhood, and even when he is being a stinker I cant stay mad for long. I often wondered how people can be cruel to children, especially mothers....how can a mothers instinct to love and protect her child at all costs not exist? All I know is the mother I am to Elijiah is the best one I can be. And with each new thing he learns and as he becomes more and more independent from me I too have mixed emotions... Of being so proud of his accomplishments, but equally sad at the passing of time.

How True? Just ask a woman....

The first thing you need to avoid a fight with a woman, especially one that is near and dear to you, is to know the language of a woman. Especially one that is not to happy.

Here are nine words women use… knowing what they mean will keep you out of 75% of the fights that you get in. For the other 25%, simply accept that your wife does more, knows more and needs more than you do.

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something,
and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing
usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an
idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing
with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women
can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say
you’re welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying CENSORED!

9.) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning
this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but
is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s
wrong?” For the woman’s response refer to #3.

*******************

So after reading this I thought, is this true? I re-read the thing, and realized that yes it is. While some women out there will disagree, I personally have been using these tactics unknowingly over the years.

Self Awareness

So I have had a personal breakthrough....I complain. I dont want to perse...but I do. Ive come to realize that if my life isnt going perfect then I complain. This doesnt even have to be about bad things. Like if I have a headache or being sick, or tired, or whatever. I hate this about myself. I tend to be the eternal optimist, but at the same time complain about random things. Wait, is that even possible?? A true example of this is all this week. I have felt crappy. All of a sudden the pregnancy has hit me with morningsickness that seems to last all day and nothing except laying down makes me feel better. Well I havent told anyone at work( I want to wait till Im 3 months) so I put on my best smiley face and keep trucking along. The whole time I just want to vomit and crawl under my desk. When Im on the phone with anyone( which to be honest is a select few....the energy it takes to have a conversation also makes me ill) all I do is complain about how ikky I feel. Why cant I say in passing-im a little sick but life is great, Im pregnant yipee! Is it because im the type of person that cant see positive things? That perhaps my optimism is really a farse? For all those that have to endure and listen to my random rants and raving over the course of knowing me- IM SORRY! I realize Im not likely to change, but still at least now Im aware.

Another thing. I have said this before, but I think Im a great mom. Well let me back up. There are those out there that might disagree with me, but I try hard. I love Elijiah more than life itself, I would do anything in the world for him, I worry about him, I try try try to make his life a happy and a carefree one. I worry about where he spends his day, how he spends his time, what he watches, what he eats, I make a point of spoiling him a bit here and there, but keep him to tight expectations and a schedule. I shower him with hugs and kisses, try to make good decisions about his future, and do my best to teach him the important stuff. But all that being said, he has played too important of a role in my life to an unhealthy degree. He has me wrapped around his finger and he knows it. I think it all stemmed from giving Noel up and him being born healed a big chunk of my heart. So I doted on him to the exclusion of being an attentive friend, wife etc. Now some of you reading this will say you can never love your children enough, and to a degree I will agree with you.....but freaking out about leaving your child overnight with grandparents so you can celebrate an anniversary or go on a date is a bit overboard. Being so anxious at leaving him that I would often start to sweat on my way to work and cry...or be in such a hurry to get back to him that I could feel my heart literally jump out of my chest. So what I have learned is this. Grandparents want to see their grandchildren on occassion. Its okay to have a date night. Children will not hate you if you are 5 mintues late from picking them up at daycare. They will not call someone else "mom" if I work out of the home. Yes I have missed things while working, but Elijiah is doing great. His teachers at school constantly tell me he is well liked, very observant, kind, smart, and thriving. So for this next baby....I think I will actually be a better mother. I will stress less, enjoy parenting more, be less anxious about daycare( the baby will go to the same place as Elijiah) give more time to being a wife, and take better care of me.
Ah a day of revelations!