House full of boys

With one week to go till our newest addition joins our family, I had a mini break down sat.  I blame it on lack of sleep, exhaustion as that typically creates a perfect blend for me to loose my cool.  I have generally been very exited about our 3rd boy joining the family.  The initial disapointment of not having a girl wore off and we moved forward with embracing a life of chaos with 3 boys.  Now I know its not a house of 4,5,6 boys that some families are blessed with- I know that.  Its just 3 kids.  So im not asking for any sympathy here. 

My sadness came from reliving my first borns adoption and how I got through some of those darkest hours.  Giving Noel up remains one of the top 3 most difficult things I have ever done in my life.  However in the back of my mind there was always the thought that I would have another opportunity to have a little girl.  Experience gymnastics and dance classes, french braid her hair, have a shopping buddy, prom, boyfriends, take her shopping for her wedding dress, there when she had her own children....and so on.  She would grow up - we would be best friends - talk to eachother everyweek etc.  Now I do realize that those things may never happen with a girl...but that was a fantasy of mine.  So Sat, I was talking with a friend about not having a girl when I suddenly started to cry.  Its very rare that a boy- well adjusted and independent- wants to live near, have over, talk to daily, to his mother.  I actually think that would be odd.  So in a way ive prepared myself for "loosing" my sons after they leave home...and just hope that they pick extraordinary wives/girlfriends so I have some insight to their lives :)

I will miss out on numerous "girl" things...and I realize that my 19 yr old self will not have another chance at raising a girl....but at 36 I have the opportunity to raise 3 incredible incredible boys who I hope, will be amazing husbands and fathers.  I am obviously still working through the loss of the opportunity of having a girl, but at the same time equally excited about baby boy bechtold coming so soon...

Which brings me to my next topic.  BABY BOY BECHTOLD's Name.  We had a girl name picked out and ready to go.  It felt right. We knew it was it.  Coming up with a boy name has been painstaking, difficult and actually a touch annoying.  NOTHING was fitting, nothing felt right. We searched every online baby name that we could find.  Went through lists and lists....still nothing.  Jonathan and I went through our ancestry to see if there was a family name that sounded right....and again nothing.  We did agree however that family names were probably most likely to work for us.  Sentimental, meaningful, historic in nature.  We had a name that we were happy with- finally but then we both ended up feeling it wasnt the one.  In a car trip I turned to Jonathan and suggested a name...one that I had liked, but also knew was a difficult association for his family.  He thought it over and agreed it had potential.  Jonathan decided to reach out to ask for permission to use the name and see what the response was.  Thankfully it was a "yes" and we had official go - ahead.  I wont share the name as of yet....and I know we have had some mixed feelings about using the name given the situation- so there is some sensitivity around using it.  However Jonathan and I both feel that using it is a way to carry on a name that means a great deal to Jonathan specifically, and will be a great tribute to his namesake.  SO family - whether you agree or disagree about the name we have ultimately chosen - we are happy about it.  We feel this is a perfect name for our little one.

7 days and counting till he will arrive and we are very very excited!!!