Simple Abundance

***Update on Tristan- He has for the last few days returned to his incredible joyful self. Jonathan and I have our little bugs back and we are enjoying him so very much. He is laughing, teasing, smiling, eating, sleeping, and overall being the baby that we enjoy and know. We contribute much of the last 3 weeks to his teething and long road trip and grateful that the alien has since departed. I must say that some of his new "tricks" is that he now signs "please" for crackers and has an insatiable appetite for anything in that food group, and I dont know if he will now allow one vegetable to pass his lips but - he is still growing so what can I say?

I wanted to write a few things that have been on my mind for the last week or so and start off by saying that I have indeed kept up my promise to self of reading good books. I got side tracked again by some "beach reads" but I picked up a book called "Simple Abundance" by Sarah Ban Breathnach which was published in 1995. It has been a breath of fresh air. A couple of years ago in General Conference it was discussed- having a gratitude log. For which when I have a bad day or week, I stop and take a moment to assess what I am grateful for at that second, to remind myself of my blessings. However this woman in her book published 14 years ago, suggested the same thing. She dedicated several years in writing this book, and she did that very thing for an entire year. A daily gratitude journal. She wrote the following which was very powerful which is why I wanted to capture it so I could return to this post in the future to re-read:

Ill first start with a quote by Margaret Young that Ive been pondering for several days:
"Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things or more money in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. They way it actually works is the reverse. You MUST first BE who you really are, then, DO what you need to do in order to HAVE what you really want."

This struck me as important for several reasons. First I realized a very important thing about myself in the last week or so. That I have gone about DOING things because I wanted to prove that I was capable and competent to the WORLD. To OTHERS to SELF. I worked hard all through college, didnt ask for help, finished in 3 years once I got my act together and didnt pursue what I wanted to do in the first place because of many reasons but did a different path because the end goal of a college degree was more important. I wanted to complete that GOAL, rather than be true to myself. I then went into a field where money was the factor rather than be true to myself and my heart because I had to provide for my family at the time. I made a choice. I actually never regretted it at the time. We all make choices and I was okay with it. However I have felt empty with my choice of career and wondered if I followed my heart the first time would I feel the same emptiness now? I will never know. I have made decision after decision in good faith that things would work out for the best- and somethings have far exceeded my wildest dreams and others have fallen flat. Thats life right? :) However............................
It has become apparent that my once thriving 6 yr old, is struggling and needs me more and more, and our 1 yr old while is in a good day care isnt getting his needs met consistently and while we cant change things over night, we will do what we can to change things for the future.

Let me share with you the foreward to the book that has made me ponder many things and see what her thoughts stir in you:

..."What I wanted to write was a book that would show me how to reconcile my deepest spiritual, authentic and creative longings with often overwhelming and conflicting commitments to my husband, children, mother, work at home, work in the world, siblings, friends and community. I knew I wasnt the only woman hurtling through real life as if it were an out of body experience. I knew I wasnt the only woman frazzled, depressed, worn to a raveling. But I also knew I certainly wasnt the woman with the answers. I didnt even know the questions.
I wanted so much- money, success, recognition, genuine expression- but had no clue as to what I truly needed. At times my passionate hungers were so voracious I could deal with them only through denial. I was a workaholic, careaholic and perfectionist. I couldnt remember the last time I was kind to myself.....more often than I was comfortable to admit I was envious, constantly comparing myself to others only to become resentful because of what seemed to be missing from my life, although I couldnt have told you what it was. I had so much-----I felt as if I didnt have the right to want more...Money was an emotionally charged issue that controlled my ability to be happy....frustrated and unable to fathom why some women appeared to lead much more fulfilling lives- even though I was connecting all the dots I careened between feeling that I was frittering my life away to feeling that I was sacrificing it on the alter of my own ambitions. I was a woman in desperate need of SIMPLE ABUNDANCE.
...During this time of profound introspection six practical creative principals- gratitude, simplicity, order, harmony, beauty and joy became the catalysts that helped me define a life of my own. Feeling confident again , I proposed writing a downshifting lifestyle book for women who want, as I do, to live by their own lights....
.....SIMPLE ABUNDANCE has reminded me what to do with a few loaves and fishes and has shown me how to spin straw into gold. SIMPLE ABUNDANCE brought me to the awareness that the reason I was so unhappy, frustrated, resentful, envious, was because I wasnt living the live for which I was created. I try to now. I dont have a million dollars in the bank, but I realize that abundance and lack -are parallel realities; every day I make the choice of which to inhabit. Finding a quiet center in which to create and sustain an AUTHENTIC life has become as essential as breathing......."

It is my personal journey to find my authentic life and what will make me happy. Over the next little while Im excited to see what changes will be in store for me....little or big. Stay tuned...........