Nursing School

So many of you know my journey with Nursing...some dont so let me recap-

From the time my brother was born I was facinated with medicine. I had a deep respect and awe of the doctors and nurses that I saw when I brother was sick. I was determined to be a nurse. Doctor wasnt too far out, but I thought as a good LDS girl that being a doctor wouldnt be a good way to balance wife and mother duties. So nursing was the next best ideal. I took AP biology in high school trying to get an edge for college, and get more of a feel for if I was good at the biological sciences...anyway during my freshman year at American River Collge in CA, I declared my major, started taking classes. Well I decided after that semester that I would move with my friend to utah. So we went to provo and had to wait a semester to enroll due to residency issues. So what happened. I got pregnant. Yep that changed my plans for a while, and ultimately when I came back to the land of the living and college a year later, I checked back into the nursing program. I was dismayed with the wait list...years they said. Well my life was in full swing forward and I didnt want to have to "wait" for my education. I got my degree in Psychology fully believing I would go on to grad school. Well I then put Khory through school and felt lucky to get my first job out of college in the HR field. I thought it would be fine and when Khory was done I could go back someday. Well time goes by, I started making money and fell into recruiting. My love of healing and hoping to help in some capacity was always with me, but alas...I had Elijiah and then KNEW I didnt want to work in corporate cubbie hell, and wanted more flexibility to stay home someday with my children. So when Elijiah was a year old, I quit my job and enrolled in Nursing School ( a scam called Academy of Nursing) I spent the next 8 months and THOUSANDS of dollars on a fast track nursing program that went out of business before I was done and left me with student loans out the arse. But I wasnt giving up. I went back to work( as was needed) and worked full time taking 1-2 classes at the community college for the prereqs( as the ones I had taken previously were only good for 5 years and the time had lapsed) so I was in Math and Chemistry again. So I spent that next year going to work at 6 am so I could take a class during my work day to limit my time away from Elijiah. So I finished all my prereqs AGAIN, and put my name on the wait list. Its a random list. So your name is drawn and essentially you get put in slots for each semester. I was slotted for Spring 08. Granted this was back in 2004. I had to wait another 4 years before I could go to school. I tried Westminster, and the U. Each with their own set of issues, Westminster too expensive, the U program was full time( I could only go to school part time) so I relented and just decided to continue with life and when my name came up see where I was at.
Well-----I kinda of forgot about it this last year with all thats been happening. However I got a call today from SLCC. My orientation packet was going out for next semesters enrollment in the Nursing School and could I provide them with my address? I stomach dropped as I thought..."Im not going to be able to go...Im due in March and even if I could quit my job, Ill have a newborn". I have been told I can defer for one year and that would be it.
Im now left with the real adult possibility that my dream of being a nurse will never be reality. I dont mean for Jonathan to be upset by this as it has nothing to do with him, but with him in school and with kids, how could we really have both of us working and going to school full time and raise 2 kids? Not possible- not now at least. So Im trying to be adult here, and realize that I have to put my family first. I have a good job that provides decent for us. Jonathan is in school and I totally support his choice to make a career change that will ultimately benefit us down the road. Im good at what I do, however its not a passion or love. I gain little satisfaction out of what I am doing and think its boring for the most part. However my job has allowed me and my family freedoms and choices. I have met wonderful people and know that many people dont LOVE what they do, but they do it because the need to or have to.
Soooooo my thought- Ill defer for a year and see what happens another year down the road. Perhaps lots of things might be different....who knows.