Too much information?

Ok I was reading a fellow bloggers blog about sleep deprivation, and how funny but not so funny being tired really is...

So tell me fellow mothers...do you remember getting up to pee in the night while pregnant? I mean maybe once or twice a most. Heck I dont remember doing it at all with Elijiah or Noel...but with this little one....EVERY night for MONTHS now Im up several times. Last night a grand total of 8 times. I cannot possibly fathom Im drinking that much water to create such events. And I dont fall asleep easily once up. I wish I could be a walking zombie to the bathroom do my duty and sleep walk back to bed. This is the same for when baby is born. When Elijiah was up every 3 hours feeding...It would take 1/2 hour 45 minutes to change, feed and put back to sleep and then I took a painful amount of time to fall back asleep only to be awakened a short time later for the same cycle to take place...
Anyway I digress...back to nightly peeing. I guess I should be grateful? I will be prepared for baby sleepless nights? I dont know. I just know that Im so bone tired all the freaking day long that even though now I feel better, I have no energy. I want to work out...but here it is 3pm and all I want to do is go to bed. A nice dinner sounds good but something that requires no effort sounds better. TV? Forget it, bed is a good option. Following my drift here? While I graduated from the couch, I can no longer think of anything better than TRYING to get a full nights sleep. I look like death warmed over, and a coworker asked if I was sick. No I replied- just havent slept well in.....well....im not sure when.

Gratitude

So in church and everywhere since conference has been a theme of gratitude. It started with the conference talk where it was discussed recognizing the hand of God each day. Writing down things that we are grateful for. Well since my "alone" time I have been both good and bad at writing these things down, some are simple things others not so. But I feel like sharing.
Some things I am grateful for:
1. Modern medicine, and my current healthy status.
2. Healthy kids
3. Taking a walk on a abnormally warm fall day with your child at the park. Looking up at the sky and thinking life couldnt get better.
4. My husband. Who dispite these last few months says he still loves me.
5. Comfort foods that while are not healthy make me feel better
6. The way a song that I havent heard before can touch my heart and soul.
7. The outdoors. Enjoying each season for what it can bring..water sports, snowskiing, hiking, camping, running.
8. Our home. Small and suffocating at times, its a haven at the end of the day. A place where our family can be everyday and create memories of "firsts"
9. My family- dad, stepdad, sisters, brother.....
10.My Mother. She is truly one of my best friends. She has been a rock in times of need. Through heartache, sorrows and lifes joys. She is an inspiration to hard work, dedication, righteous living, testimony, strength of character. She can out run, out work anyone I know young or old. Its my goal to beat her at something- although I have no idea what that could be. Shes agreed to participate in some sort of running race next year with me. Perhaps then? Probably not but one can try :)
11.My friends- some ive known a short time, others a lifetime. Each one I have learned from and appreciate.
12.My testimony of Christ and his teachings. My faith has been tested greatly but I cannot deny the hand of our Heavenly Father in my life.
13.A clear night when I can look at the stars and feel small
14.Fireworks
15.The way I feel when Im standing at the edge of the Ocean- any ocean. Complete peace.
16.My past. For without it I would not have Noel and Elijiah. And while I could have chosen a different path both times, the gifts they have given me by being their mother has made me a more patient, loving, kind, caring, sensitive, person and more determined to make this world somehow better- and for that I wouldnt change a thing.
17.My job. While I hope to make a change someday- my work has provided for me. I recieved a blessing when I was young that indicated I would be blessed in my schooling and work. This blessing has manifested itself many times over.
18.Animals- My dogs, and cat. While I have two part time dogs- I get a lot of joy from them. My cat- its a love in progress, but what I am grateful for is the joy Elijiah gets from Bob.
19.My education- my determination to never give up when things got hard.
20.A beautiful Sunset
20 things that I have to be grateful for these last few weeks. Its amazing when I write them down how much I realize I have been blessed.

thanksgiving update

Well, as with every year the holiday is also a chance to celebrate my birthday...anyone with a birthday around a holiday will know that some years its great and other years it kinda sucks. However the last few years Ive really enjoyed it. I get to see my family all together and enjoy a really tasty meal( thanksgiving - duh). While my birthday doesnt fall on turkey day every year, it seems like a good excuse to celebrate it on that day. This year was a great holiday. I had a few days off from work...Jonathan and I and Elijiah spent a good chunk of time together- which I am always excited about.
We did have the dogs and with the exception of one long night for Jonathan..I loved having them. They added much craziness to our already small house, but I love them both. Keeva and Max were pleasant and adjusted to the family routine with ease.
Anyway Im getting ahead of myself. Thanksgiving itself was Mom, Layne, Cory, me, Jonathan, Jessica, Colby, Sylah, Elijiah and my friend Pati. We ate, relaxed, ate some more and had a very lazy day. Paradise.
Saturday was my birthday- 31 years. I have to say much like the rest of the week, it was a mellow day. Jonathan was busy for most of the day which gave Elijiah and I lots of time to hang out together. That afternoon we took Elijiah to the dinosaur museum then dropped him off at Jessicas house so Jonathan and I could take in a relaxing dinner and movie. I got some very thoughtful gifts, a spa certificate a new cozy robe, and a great blanket for the couch. Im a very lucky gal.
Sunday was a typical day with us going to Jonathans parents for a sunday meal. All in all a great 4 days.

My first born....

Happy Birthday Noellie! I cant believe its been 12 years.

So as I sit here reflecting on this day I cant help but remember this morning...you were born at 10:34am and were 6lbs 3oz. You were induced as it was my thanksgiving break from school and the pregnancy wasnt going well, you werent growing adequately, and lets be honest having your parents know when you were coming was easier for them as they were in California. So starting at 6pm the night before I went in for my start of the induction....then again at 12am. I was in labor all night and finally at 6am I couldnt handle the pain anymore got my mom and her best friend Ann who were going to be with me for the delivery up, and we went to the hospital. Thank goodness for those two. It was the comic relief they provided that kept me sane during the worst of the pain. I got the epidural ( which was so painful I thought labor was better) and of corse soon after I was a happy camper. Everything went well and when you came out the umbilical cord was wrapped twice around your neck along with a tight knot. My wonderful amazing doctor thought perhaps this was why you werent growing, along with the decline in amniotic fluid...so he was glad we induced you. Anyway your parents were there waiting and came in to see you not long after we were in our recovery room. They along with your sister Chloe were so excited and I could tell were full of love for you. Your mom was amazing. She was trying to give me some time and space, and although I knew my decision was right, I needed a bit more time with you. She gave me an incredible gift. She offered to give me that time, and told me to take you home with me...gave me the car seat and the clothes etc she came with. It was an incredible moment of trust. Well I spent the next 2 days being "mom" and loving every precious second. I knew my time was limited and I just marveled at every little detail. When all was said and done and the time came to hand you to your mom my heart broke completely....but I knew it was the right thing.

Now 12 years later so much has happened and life has been good to both of us. My wish for you is the same it was when you were born...safe, healthy and happy is all I want for you. It is that way for each of my children. I hope you have a great day at Disneyland sweetie...and have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday.

Pregnancy

Almost 21 weeks.
I was so excited that I hadnt taken Zofran in a few days and was feeling GREAT! It was Elijiahs bday so he chose noodles and ice cream for his feast.
I did well for a few hours, then I was at the toilet bowl yet again.
Its now almost a joke, but I stopped laughing a long time ago.

gratitude....

Oh I forgot...in my effort to find things positive/ and search for things I can be grateful for each day I came up with this:

So I hate being pregnant...it sucks...BUT the POSITIVE thing about it is...

I dont get( weekly or biweekly or even triweekly ) migraine headaches!! Yipee

My second biggest gripe lately( or always and forever ) is I dont see Elijiah everyday--

BUT the positive thing is I can eat cereal and ice cream for dinner and watch E on TV!! Yea!( I have to say Jonathan was appalled when I sat down on the couch with my yummy stuff- he promptly asked if I had taken my vitamins for the day. )

The big day!

Today is Elijiah's 5th birthday. My how times flies. He was born at 2:04pm and like every year I write a letter to him....Here is a reflection of the past year with him:
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So I was going through my old emails, hundreds of them, searching for all your previous years letters. I have written one every birthday and only seemed to be able to find your 1st and 3rd birthday year letters….WHAT?! I know that I wrote them, Ive done it each year without fail. However I can only find those two. Im sorry Elijiah. Ive decided that instead of storing them in my email, I will print them off each year and put them in your baby book or something. I had this terrible fear that if I died, no one would ever find my sweet words to my lovely boy, and you would grow up never knowing the things I said or read the memories of yourself each passing year. So Ive learned my lesson!

Now to start off as I seem to always start off by saying---WOW has another year gone by?? Where does the time go? I cant believe it! It goes without saying that so much has happened and as usual you adjust and make things work in spite of the changes that are around you. When I think back to your birthday last year which by the way does seem like yesterday…..we were in the condo- which you still refer to, remember, and often ask to return to, till now- many things in your, our lives are different. I got married to Jonathan, we moved to our new house, and we are expecting a new baby as well. There has been lots of changes in the last 12 months and you have adjusted like a champ.

Some of just a few of the memories I have of you over the last year is your continual independent nature. Every year I see you growing up, developing into your own self with your own ideas, opinions and thoughts. You are amazing. You are a deep thinker, way ahead of others your own age and even older. While I don’t think much about this when its just us, when I see you with your peers, older cousins, or neighborhood kids its abundantly clear you are way ahead. I don’t know what it is specifically. Perhaps your school, your situation you’ve adapted to? Your ability to see hurt in others and your perceptive nature? You soak up knowledge like no other in a non traditional sense….I mean your not reading yet( its too bad you could go to kindergarten this year- you are SO ready) not doing math in a normal way etc….but you have a keen memory, you help others so easily, can recite facts that you heard from a book or TV show with complete accuracy. You have a love of finding out truth and question your religious teachings and ask deep questions.

I have seen your love of church grow. Your understanding of Christ become real. You talk about the Resurrection and what will happen with Jesus comes again. You think about whats around you and question why things are, and yet you are 5. You play hard, laugh hard, are a good friend and just started to write your name. You continue to be stubborn and willful, difficult to reason with as you know everything. But I love you beyond reason.

We had a good summer…went to Canada for our summer vacation. You get lots of play time and time to relax. Time to boat, and go tubing- and while your cautious nature still gets the best of you after some coaxing and you realize you are safe to dive right into activities. Several examples of this is if it looks scary or you haven’t done it before you will fight with me about doing it. Over the summer at grandmas house we kept trying to tell you that jumping off the diving board is fun. You refused to even try. It wasn’t until your cousin Adam did it that you were willing to give it a shot. With your floatation devices securely attached to your arms you tentatively walked to the end and basically fell off the diving board. Under the water you went and immediately popped up again. With a big smile on your face. From that moment till it was time to get out of the pool you and Adam took turns running and jumping off the diving board having the time of your life.

Soccer was a big hit this fall. Your dad called and suggested we put you in which I full heartedly supported. ( After all you come from two jocks haha) When I picked you up from school that day to let you know what we had planned you started to cry, saying you weren’t going to do it. That I couldn’t make you. WOW I thought to myself. I made you promise that while you didn’t have to participate at first you would go to practice and at least watch. You agreed- it was a fair compromise after all. Well lets just say that after your first practice you were hooked. You love soccer. You love game day and practice day and look forward to them each week. Its just the fear of the unknown for you that has always been a stumbling block. You are one of the most determined kids I know and excel at whatever you set your mind to…but that’s the problem…getting you to realize that you can do something.

I loved to see that while you are now one of the oldest kids in your school- you are good to the younger kids. I appreciate that kindness in you. This has manifested itself with “Bob”. Jonathan and I decided that because we couldn’t take Keeva back, that it would still be good to have an animal in the house. You love animals and a cat would be a good pet to have. You have loved Bob from the moment we got him. He is your “baby”. You play with him, carry him, cuddle with him and Bob is so tolerant of you. He lets you wrap him up and put him over your shoulder like a baby. He antagonizes you at the same time but you have a love for him and it shows. You are incredibly kind to all your animals- Keeva and Max included. You are very lucky to have great animals around you that you trust and adore.

You chose to be a pirate for Halloween this year and as usual your birthday has followed suite. You have asked for me to create a pirate ship for a cake and I will do my best. I tried to explain to you that for your 2nd birthday you were SO into cars that I made you a car cake. While Im not a pro in decorating, your blue bug car was quite impressive so I will try hard on doing some kind of Pirate theme cake for you!

With being pregnant, and in a few short months you will be a big brother I know this next year will bring lots of changes again to your world. I just wanted to you know that I have loved every minute of the last 5 years with you and it is without doubt the best thing in life to be your mom.

Happy 5th birthday Elijiah!