More Stuff

So realizing that I am damaged goods...almost not repairable---Well okay Im repairable, but the humpty dumpty rhyme seems to ring all too true, I took 24 hours to myself this week and it was wonderful.

It was homework given to me, and I to be honest had been putting it off. Who wants to do deep soul searching and dealing with stuff that is heavy? NOT I! I realize that Jonathan and I met after a lot of life thus lived, but I really didnt imagine that my past life would continue to haunt my present. So off I went to do some deep soul searching and trying to put my brain in a good place. I must say that I was in lala land up till I got pregnant...it was then in what was supposed to be a happy time that my so called "totally put together life" was crashing.

Now I will also say that one must truly deal with crisis when one goes through it. It doesnt do any good to put it in a box in the closet and keep moving on with life. Oh it gets you through the days and after a few years you think "Im over it!!"
But something totally unforseen or planned( as it was with the pregnancy) can somehow bring the skeletons out of the closet. I did realize that pregnancy was the trigger, but boy- it sure sucks. I think when dealing with a crisis, or heartbreak or whatever its best to awknowledge it and deal with it right away. Because to be honest my independent, self assured, confident, totally at peace person I realized was just a big joke.

So back to my 24 hour stint. I really would have liked several weeks on a beach, but a day and half of alone time was all I could muster up. I have to say while parts of my time alone was not fun, it was the first time in years that I could sit for hours and just think. Reflect, write, pray, read. I found there are some things while previously impossible may now be a possibility( nursing school for instance) and other things will always hurt. For example- while I dont think about Noel, all is GOOD. But when I really analyze my feelings, there is still some strange weird feelings there. I no longer think this is a problem- it is what it is. And its ok. For the most part acceptence is key for me. Regrets, etc will be a part of my life, I made the decisions and so I live with the consequences. I understand that. So Im trying to figure out how to live with those consequences but not allow them to hurt my present life. Fun.

Ah youth. To go back and make changes. There is lots I wouldnt change, but several things I would. But thats me. Feircely independent and forging my own way. I am completely jealous of lives that seem or are uncomplicated. Difficulties sure everyone has, no one has a perfect marriage or perfect kids etc. But Im not talking about day to day stuff.

Anyway I came away from my time knowing this. I have a lot that I need to work on. I have a lot of personal growth to see to. I have set some goals, I need to focus everyday on working on those things. Likewise there's a ton of things Im proud of. It was a good 24 hours.

Elijiahs Bowling Party

So over the weekend we had Elijiahs party. It was a bowling and pizza event and I have to say that everyone had a great time and Elijiah still cant stop talking about it...He had a couple of friends from school, his cousin and Pati's girls. While we probably got some 40 pictues of it all, Ive chosen to spare you and post just a few....



my prego belly at 20 weeks.



Jonathan and Elijiah playing some video games...


Grandpa Rick with Elijiah and Syliah





The cake masterpiece!



....dont they look happy!???

Remembering...

As Elijiahs 5th birthday is fast approaching, I am loving going through old photos of him...

Political Rants

Ok, I grew up in California and if you live in Cali you know what Im talking about...you live in a VERY liberal state. So much so that I think nothing of much of what happened there, its all normal and your vote actually mattered. However moving to Utah that is another story all together. Your vote if your not republican hardly counts for anything, and very little separation from church and state. Hey im not complaining its like that lots of places( ie the south) Italy( where I spent much time..) etc etc. So I try to not complain although on occassion it really bugs that people I run into are so narrow minded. Let me also say that I have worked for the LDS church on two separate occassions and I know from personal experience while there is tremendous influence over policy etc, for the most part the LDS church tries not to publicly involve themselves in politcs any more than other churches would in similiar fashion. So that being said...I have to say Im disgusted by the Christian colalition today. I heard on the news on my way to work that while "americas mayor" believes in abortion, and supports gay rights( TWO huge things the christian colition is AGAINST, they are supporting him for president over the "mormon" candidate because the Christian colalition doesnt believe mormons to be christians. While Mitt is against abortion and gay rights overall - they are going to endorse a presidential candidate that goes against the things they fight so hard for...its amazing to me. I could go on and on about this...but Im totally in a mental stupor about their logic.

Product Review

Like some pregnant friends out there, I struggle with wardrobe concerns. Im not able to fit into my pants anymore, but likewise maternity always fits WRONG. Ive managed to buy bigger shirts and just rubberband my waists on my jeans, but even that in the last few weeks stopped working. I was complaining to Jonathan about my frustration, because instead of feeling cute and pregnant I have just felt frumpy and unattractive because I can wear only a few things. I didnt want to spend a lot on new clothes BUT----
So what does my hubby do? He does what he does best. Starts researching wardrobe options to make his complaining wife happy. He says they are an early birthday present...my new BELLY BANDS! I read on my friends blog about them a few weeks ago, not really convinced they would work....but they do( to a degree ). Jonathan bought me a brown, black and a white one. They work as kinda a tube top that stretches over the tops of your pants to help keep your unbuttoned pants up, and looking flat in the front, in addition to allowing you to wear your shirts that have grown to short. Kinda like the layer look...
Anyway the black and brown are better than the white for sure. I dont know if the fabric is the same, but the white tends to slip down past my hips still and doesnt make my pants flat, or help keep them up....so I use it soley as a layered look. I still think there is a small flaw to the design- I think they should fit a bit more snug and be a tad more stretchy, but all in all, a great pregnancy product.

What are we having???

A BOY!!!

We are super excited....

( Elijiah said he wanted a girl...I guess that means we will have to try again :)
we will see......

Halloween

So here is a picture of Elijiah and his cousin. We went to the ward halloween activity, I hope the kids had fun. We thought it was lame. Actually the worst Ive ever been too...next year we are hitting the old ward. The parties there are so much better....but they look cute dont they?!!