Silicon Moms Blog

I found the following on a blog about working and non working moms in the silicon valley....why Im totally taken with reading about other working moms and their opinions ill never know....oh wait because I feel like its good company!!! Anyway sharing some thoughts of a working mom in California with the rest of ya.

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A family unit can support 80 hours a week of work outside the home before the wheels start to come off.

In the years since my daughter was born, my husband and I have punched the family time clock in multiple ways - both of us working 40 hours a week, him working 60 hours and me working 20 hours, him working 80 hours and me working zero (we won't mention that awful time post-Dot-com-Bubble when neither of us was working more than about 15 hours...). The conclusion is always the same - cross the line for any extended length of time and watch all hell break loose.

We've tested it with our friends, too. There's S, who logs excruciating hours to keep up with the New York markets as well as her West Coast clients, while her husband stays home (or rather drives around) with the

kids. There's P&P, who do a really amazing job of balancing two high power careers by rigorous "leaving the office" discipline (it helps that they both have a five-minute commute). They all agree, however, with the basic premise - 80 hours is about the limit.

There's one family I know who pretty regularly keeps it at about 90 hours - but they do it in tandem with the world's most incredible household manager/child care phenomenon. This ain't no $10 per hour college kid, or even your average $18 per hour Silicon Valley take-the-kids-to-the-playground nanny. She's the kind who calls you at work and says, "You don't have to do anything, but you know the toilet in the guest bathroom? It overflowed this morning. I've called the plumber and he's coming at 3:00, and I've called the neighbor to bring the kids home from school, but I just want your OK before I give him your credit card number for $100." She pays the bills, handles the shopping, and signs the kids up for swimming lessons. You find one of those, or if you have a live-in grandma babysitter, you can push the limit. But not by a lot.

It isn't just the hours - you can use extended daycare to cover that. It's the being present. It's having someone aware when a child is struggling with a math concept, or getting picked on at recess - when they can't even articulate what's bothering them. You just can't do that with two parents working to the point that they come home drained and exhausted.

The unfortunate thing is that the number of Silicon Valley jobs that you can do in 40 hours a week is shrinking fast. Mostly they expect 25% more than that - at least. And, if you want to actually own your home, you're probably talking about at least one of you in an executive/partner/fast track role, where the time commitment is pretty much 7 X 24. This practically requires the other member of the couple to go part-time, which is almost impossible to find, which is why so many of us leave the workforce altogether.

And you single parents...I can't imagine how you do it. My deepest respect and admiration go out to you.

I'm sympathetic to the argument that we must all work harder to keep up in the global economy. I absolutely understand the pace of technological change that companies in the Valley deal with. But I also know that requiring more than 80 hours/week of our families will negatively impact the next generation.

Anyone have the answer?

TAG YOUR IT!

So as I was catching up on my friends blog--- I read Caseys and found out that I got tagged....so in keeping with the tradition if you will I will attempt to post 7 random relatively unknown things about me....

1. I used to choreograph and make up dance routines and acting scenes with my friend Hysha...I must have been 12-13? We lived so far from civilization we had to be creative with our time. Our garage became our stage. The sad thing is Im sure those hours upon hours of video are still in existance at my mothers house somewhere. So embarassing!

2. I once got in a fight my freshman year in highschool. This older girl( jr.) was ticked off that her exboyfriend liked me. I was glad for my friend Jason( the one in prison now), the numerous mosh pits I joined in, She tried to punch me in the stomach and I reached out and puched her in the face. She didnt try and bother me again.

3. My parents should skip this one...for they might be mad! ( sorry folks!)
But long before I had my drivers license I took my parents cars out for joyrides( what else is there to do in BFE?) But the one trip I took with my friend Sarah was to San Francisco when I was 15, my parents were gone for the weekend. Its a miracle nothing happened.

4. I love my curly hair and freckles. The two things I hated about myself growing up.

5. I still get sad about Noel.

6. I could eat cold cereal all the time. But I hate milk. Strange huh?

7. I have developed a fear of heights. Very strange for an ex gymnast and girl who used to walk on the balcony rails of her parents 3 story home.

LA Trip

So I was in LA these last few days and enjoyed some of the best weather...I always love going to southern cal when its cold in Utah...there is something to be said about the slight humidity, warm sunshine and the beach for me. Paradise. Why oh why do I live in Utah? Oh right- work, family...the important stuff :)

Working for Disney has its perks....free disney stuff, and entrance into any disneyland resort worldwide for me and my family..but lets be honest...how often do I plan to visit Disneyland? Oh I think the last time was 10 years ago...I suppose its a must do for us at some point...I just cant think of when that will be...If Im planning on going to LA for any reason it would be the beach and shopping.

Anyway my two days were very long and very busy at our corporate offices, and I missed being home, but to inhale the polluted LA air was fabulous.

Pregnancy Blues- and a miracle!

"hello wonderful and brave pregnant women,
i started taking zofram last night. today was the first day in two months that i haven't cried, thrown up, and been an absolute a prisoner in my own home. as many of you reading know, such severe nausea is not only debilitating to the body, but to the soul. how many times have i sobbed to my husband that i feel so hopeless, that this will never end? i tried everything from unisom to the bands to phenergan suppositories (ouch!). nothing worked. out of desperation i got zofran. i am three months pregnant and my conservitave doctor said there is no reason at all to worry about this affecting the baby. i hope to take it as little as possible, but believe me i would do anything to feel normal again. i seriously thank god for zofran, i cannot cope without it, yet."

So this was a post that I found after reading about my new wonder drug Zofran. Let me attempt to explain to you all what being pregnant has done to me. Where I liked to get out a hike, go for a walk or heavens even run, I have done little but walk from my car to my house to my couch these last 7 weeks. I have eaten barely anything except cereal, and sprite, crackers and vanilla wafers( unitl I was unable to keep those down.) I have cried all day, in the shower, at work, here and there, unable to figure out why I started to be so depressed. Had no interest in Jonathan,( poor guy ) barely any ability to play with Elijiah, I started to feel resentful about this baby and often found myself feeling like I should leave Jonathan...yes really. That I was a terrible wife, ugly, sick and had nothing to offer.( Luckily this has now passed and I know this was just the depression talking..) I felt sick almost every second of every day. I wondered what has made me feel this bad...my other pregnancies were very similiar(Being pregnant with Noel I was severely sick and had complications from my sickness Im sure now looking back. I gained only 16 pounds total, she was taken a week early for lack of growth, I was put on bed rest for two months, I barely worked....Elijiah I coped better after about 5 months or so)Anyway I realized that I am not ever going to be a healthy glowing pregnant person. I will probably always suffer to the extreme with my pregnancies....ANYWAY after two days of being sick and not able to go to work( Jonathan was out of town doing a deposition for work) I was unable to keep even a cracker or some water down, I could hardly walk, and I was constantly throwing up, I got my doctor to call in Zofran. As soon as Jonathan got home and went to the Pharmacy I took the pill. Within a half hour I felt decent. I woke up this morning took another pill. Again I feel great. I feel happy. I feel like I can work, be a mom and I can finally be me again. While its only day one so far on this pill, the transformation has me wondering how I survived even one day with out it. Thanks modern medicine! And again thanks to my husband who I hope will have a peice of the old Amber back again...

Our Weekend....

I have to post some pictures of Elijiahs first soccer game....he was adorable and did great. ( Considering the game was the first time he ever played ) See Khory called said his friend was a coach and we could get Elijiah on his team if we wanted...both of us decided it would be good for Elijiah. When I picked Elijiah up from school on Friday and let him know of the saturday morning plans he promptly threw a fit and started to cry. Saying he didnt want to play. This lasted quite a while. Now if you know Elijiah this wouldnt be a surprise to you at all. He is very headstrong and thinks he knows everything. He for the most part up till now is a bit shy upon introducing him to new things and I had doubts even if we got him at the game that he would participate. I made a deal that he didnt have to play but he did have to go and watch. He agreed. This just brought memories of taking him to a gymnastics class last year when he said he wanted to try it out. We got there a few minutes early- he sat on my lap and watched for a litle while. Well his class was called and they had the kids run around the floor twice...the second lap if you will Elijiah started to slow-he went to his teacher and them ran over to me....he started to cry saying he was too tired and gymnastics was too hard. Can you even imagine?????!!!! ME- Elijiahs mother...in this situation? The girl that was in gymnastics her whole childhood, who later coached...with my son saying he couldnt even run around the mat!!!??? Well whats a mom to do? I took Elijiah and we left, and we havent been back. So I was reliving this scenerio in my head on Saturday morning upon getting there and seeing the kids play. However Elijiah surprised me and his dad. He jumped in, followed directions, got the hang of it, and played the entire time. He was amazing! And I am so proud.

The rest of the weekend consisted of this: the couch. I got sick saturday afternoon and evening. I got up Sunday just wanting to sit and do nothing. Jonathan was amazing as usual. He mowed the lawn, went grocery shopping, got us movies, put gas in my car, made me cookies. Its the question I ask my self every day...How did I get to be this mans wife?????

Catch up

Ive been busy...and sick so let me catch you up. I mentioned that I was going to Austin, TX for work and it was actually a lot of fun. If you can call work fun. The austin gaming convention was full of meet and greets, learning about this new industry for me, meeting co-workers and overall working our booth. Austin itself was a fun town and I wish I had my hubby with me so we could have enjoyed the night life together. With the exception of a dinner out, I was the lone party pooper who didnt get a bit too tipsy each evening. :)

My journey home was nothing short of a miracle, I did snag a direct flight home which was a blessing. I was scheduled for a long 11 hour travel time flying from TX to GA, then to UT....but I arrived at the airport in time to see a boarding flight direct to SLC...I ran to the gate discovered it had a few empty seats and was able to fly home...yea!

Saturday was a nice day- got our shed up! Yup Jonathan had wanted to surprise me with having everything done by the time I got back, but my early arrival squashed that( sorry honey!) Anyway so it became the family project for the day. Finally a place to put the lawn mower!

So this is where the good times end....saturday night I got a migraine and nothing the tylenol with codine could help...by 4am, I was so sick and felt awful I knew I was in for a long Sunday. I think it was the codine that got my stomach going but I couldnt keep anything down and spent a good part of the day over the toilet. Not much fun. Elijiah had to give a talk in Primary so Jonathan got him ready and helped Elijiah. I guess it went well...I wished I could have been there. Anyway so sunday was a wash- i am just so grateful for Jonathan and his help.....

Since I was so beat from Sundays sickness I was still out of it come Monday morning. I called in sick to work and stayed home. It was one of those end of summer- pre-fall perfect temperature days. It was bliss. I felt somewhat ok, but still weak, but felt a trip to the park was a must. Elijiah and I for the most part had a wonderful day together- just relaxing and hanging out.

Labor Day

We headed to Cody , WY for labor day. I thought we might venture over to Yellowstone while we were there but alas my sickly state didnt create tons of opportunities for adventure. Jonathan did show me the places he caused trouble growing up, his old hang outs and high school....the house he grew up in. We did a little shopping, some eating out, and the Old Buffalo Bill Museum. I had a lot of fun, Cody is a quaint small town that I wish I was living in. I feel bad that my kids will never be able to ride horses, or just wander around town...there really isnt anything like growing up in a small town. Salt Lake just aint it. Only a lucky few know what I mean, to ride your bike for miles and not have your parents worry, build forts among the acres of property that surrounds you, to have your animals be outside animals with no fences around etc etc. I wouldnt trade growing up in a small town for anything. Thanks Jonathan for another great weekend and taking me to see a part of your past. XO