Sad day

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=13307374


My cousin died today. She was 34 and mother of two young children.

Im heartbroken for their family.

Happy Birthday Elijiah!

Dear Elijiah,

Last year we were in the process of moving out of our house and into the Draper townhouse. Then we moved to Lehi a few months later. What I remember most about this past year, is change. How you have dealt with change of homes, change of friends and now a change in school. While not every change has been easy, you have weathered it with a good attitude and shown me your remarkable ability to adapt. You made great NEW friends at school, in our new neighborhood, and that is a quality that I love about you. Your ability to make friends, have fun and do well despite the changes that happen around you.

Halo cake and carmel apples

Soccer was a mainstay this year as was continued piano lessons. While you don’t love piano, you do it regardless and it’s a talent that I love seeing developed. We got an xbox 360 for Christmas last year, and while I finally caved on having video games in the house, I actually don’t mind it. Its been a huge relationship builder between you and Jonathan, having something mutually to do together. The winters are long and so it keeps you occupied with friends and in reality its not that bad! You can say I told you so- I give you permission…you haven’t become obsessed with it, and so yes Elijiah you were right!

Mom and E

You continue to go back and forth between your dad and I, and I know its not ideal- it is what it is. There are tons of things going on with your Dad, Sister Lauren, grandparents and aunts and uncles that life is never boring there. We lost Keeva which was quite difficult, but you still have Max who follows you about and adores you, and Bob the cat at our house that you take such good care of. I love that about you- your love of your animals and the kindness you show. All you have to do is watch you with either Max or Bob to know they are constant companions to you.

Jonathan and I playing around- me, just hoping not to fall on Tristan

School has gone well- you left Lourdes last spring and entered into public school. Its quite a difference from my perspective- I cant say I love public school here in Utah, but it doesn’t seem to faze you. You are a joy to your teacher, and a leader in the class, and your grades are stellar. I don’t see you challenged and homework is a breeze, so I hope that you will continue to find school a place of learning and fun while you can.

Your baptism is around the corner and I know you are excited. Nervous, but excited. Some of my favorite memories is reading scriptures with you, be it the BOM or the childrens edition, but either way teaching you and reading with you is my favorite time of night. Its where we have a few minutes of just “us” time that is so precious to me.

You and Tristan have a love-hate relationship. Some days are magical, where you both love each other, are kind, and play well. Other days its nothing but constant fighting. I had hoped for more consistency with your interactions, but hopefully this too will pass. Tristan still looks up to you – wants to play with you, go where you go, and be where you are. You don’t realize yet, how cool it is to see that and when you are gone, Tristan talks non-stop about you.

Some of the guests- Melinda(khorys girlfriend) and her friend

While you are gone, our lives are more quiet- sure….but life isn’t the same. You are missed sooo sooo much. I still get anxiety when you are gone more than your allotted time because of a vacation with your dad or something, but I know how much you love him and want to be with him too. Our home without you in it- is not the same as you know. There is a piece missing and I hope that as you grow older you will recognize just how much you mean to all of us.

Mom, Jessica, Nancy

Karen, Becca( friends and kids moms)
more friends and moms...:)

The biggest reaction was getting a kitkat LOL

this shot was funny- didnt notice tristan at first...and elijiahs dad in the background

My continued wish for your birthday is that you will have a healthy happy year and know how much we love you.

Happy 8th Birthday Elijiah!

XOXOX
Mom.

Parenting Rant

Just need to blow of a bit of steam here, pay no mind. We have these ebbs and flows all the time, and Id like to think we arent alone, just no one in the blogging world actually admits to anything but perfection. However Jonathan and I have reached our limit with the boys and wonder if we will survive. As we have been trying for another baby with no success, we are wondering if perhaps someone else knows better. That if indeed we were blessed with another child, perhaps we would fall off the cliff called sanity?
Tristan has said over the last few days, that he doest like Elijiah, Elijiah teases Tristan constantly, Tristan intentionally picks fights with Elijiah that in turn Elijiah takes his frustration out on Tristan, they are hitting, yelling, arguing, ALL the TIME, and in turn both or one of them is ALWAYS in time out, or in trouble, or has a something taken away, or causes either Jonathan or I to loose our tempers, so that by the end of the night, we are all exhausted, battle weary and unable to even set eyes on the boys without shooting daggers of frustration at them. There is so much conflict over who sits where at the table, who gets the oatmeal first in the morning, whos touching someones belongings or toys that its endless. Elijiah is almost 8 we expect more out of him, Elijiah thinks Tristan gets away with everything and therefore has huge resentment. Ive been SO close to canceling his bday party this weekend due to the hostility and fighting in our house. Shouldnt a birthday party be a privilege, not a right? Something extra not expected? Especially if one is constantly in trouble and causing conflict? Tristan is something to see- he is especially manipulative in causing Elijiah trouble and is the master of drama. Hes not exempt.
Last night Jonathan was in bed by 8pm because he couldnt take it anymore. Family counseling perhaps is on the list- we just cant continue like this for long. I am hoping this is another stage....another stage in a long list of stages that we have dealt with over the last few years.
Months go by with our house like this, where peace is non-existent, then they mellow out, things return to normal, we have civilized conversations, they play well, we have nice family dinners, we go on family outings...I just wish we had more consistency.
Okay my venting is done, now on with the work day.

The homeless man

Ever since I have worked downtown I am keenly aware of the homeless around. I often give out my change, dollars and do the above and beyond for people if they catch my eye and are around enough. Over the last couple of years there is one very disturbed mental homeless man around my work. He walks around and around the block all weather/seasons. I have felt various emotions towards him- a bit afraid, sadness, anger...I decided a few months back that because this poor guy has nothing but a plastic sack to carry his meager belongings I would buy a backpack and give it to him. Yesterday was the day- I saw him standing out in the rain and snow literraly getting soaked and thought I should go now and buy him a few things and next time I see him give it to him. One of the girls I work with offered to come with me so we headed to the local target for supplies. She generously donated towards the pack, and drove around in the snow storm looking for this man to deliver it to. However he was no where to be found. THIS morning, I dropped the kids off and before I headed into work, decided to make the rounds around the block and I saw him. I stopped the car - jumped out and walked over to him and said " sir.." he took one look at me and shook his head no, said "no-no" and walked quickly in the other direction. Clearly he has been harassed, or was afraid of me? Or perhaps wanted no help, but he didnt even know what I was offering so I was slightly baffled. Do I go after him and try and explain I wanted to give him a few things? I just stood there for a minute and decided it probably wasnt really a safe thing to do, so I got back in my car and drove to work. So I now have a stocked backpack full of things that I know someone could use ....Ive decided a trip to the local homeless shelter is now in order and I can drop it off in the donation bin for someone else. Im kinda sad for homeless man though...

Halloween picts

Behind in blogging

I really feel like blogging is my way of preserving our family events and memories. Last night Jonathan asked if I had put any of the Halloween stuff up and I said no. I hadnt really wanted to do the re-cap as thats exactly what it was, I havent the energy in a long while to try and really do much more than that- a recap. However after our brief convo about it, I realized that I should try and do better- write more of whats going on with the kids and our lives. And so with that:

Halloween was a funny day. Ill post the picts in another post, but as everyone knows in Utah- a huge storm came a brewin' and the downpour of rain came with it. We happened to choose the WORST of the rainstorm to attempt our trick or treating, and told Elijiah to hold the umbrella, hold Tristans hand to keep him from getting wet- we would follow in the van( as we only had one umbrella) and they could go door to door with us following them. Well it lasted 3 houses and they were done. Luckily I didnt spend any money on Tristans costume( no one actually got to see it!) as it was previously Elijiahs, and later that night when it actually STOPPED raining, Elijiah went out with his friend Zach to get some more loot. I have to say- halloween kinda sucked this year. If your not Mormon, then its not something you are used to, but every year until THIS year, our ward has done some sort of Halloween festivities- Ie; Trunk or Treat, carnival, potluck or SOMETHING! Owell.

Possible changes on the horizon make me tired with the thought.

Some funny sayings of Tristans of late:
"I freakin' out Daddy!"( he picks this up when I say to him "Tristan stop freaking out! during any one of a million melt downs a day)
to our cat Bob when he is whining" Bob shup up!"( um.... we dont say shut up in our house Tristan!)
"I wub you SOOOOO MUCH Mommy!"( followed by the hardest hug ever)

Personal rant: FASHION. Ive NEVER been a trendy girl. NEVER. I would buy a couple trendy pieces each year but on the whole im just not that into it. NOT that I dont love it, its just I hate looking like everyone else. Ive been drawn to Anthropologie for YEARS- back before it was popular(yea I know im cool like that) but lately it seems everyone is obsessed with the store! Maybe its just Utah...I dont know....(actually they should be its awesome!) The boot craze is everywhere now, and even though I still LOVE that look( skinny jeans, boots, cardi) EVERYONE is looking the same. (Again is this just utah??) GRRR. The skirts with the colored tights, blouses-seriously they think they are so unique but hello??? Anyway now its my personal quest to find another store that I love that no one shops at....and I think I found it! ( haha!)

Last but not least....Elijiah is turning 8 soon. Big birthday! I seriously cant believe that he is going to be 8! Or that my Noellie will be 15! 15 folks!!!!...wow time is flying fast!

Okay done for now- stay tuned for our amazing, halloween pictures( pumpkin carving and costumes- I know ---you can hardly wait !)

Fun night!

The other night my friend Emily and I got together to shoot for one of her school assignments. I have watched her grow as a photographer and love her work( HELLO !!! I have her picture of the Salt Lake Temple on my wall, and she did our family photos this year)What I love about Emily is that we get along great- we pick up like we have known each other for years and its refreshing to have a friend like that. Beyond that - that girl has talent.

The idea of her shoot, was that she wanted to photograph individuals that if looking at them - you would never guess they have / or are dealing with struggles in life, be it a divorce, mental illness, a disability etc. So of the things she was thinking about-- I chose divorce. I guess I could have chosen headaches too, but ....

Check out the other photos here.

It has been so long since Ive actually been the ONLY one in front of the camera that I was slightly uncomfortable. Weird eh? Like, okay this body has changed and how I would stand before, or look a certain way has to be different and I know that I have to think about how big my eyes get because without my glasses I tend to open them wider THINKING Ill be able to see better. Haha. Doesnt make a great picture with bug eyes. LOL.

Anyway lots of laughs, lots of fun, and Emily's daughter Hannah is the cutest thing on the planet, I'd definitely be okay taking her home with me....:)