.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

the old days....

So the story is this....I modeled a bit here and there growing up. I went to Italy and did stuff. I seemed to work a lot and then not so much....really hit and miss. But it was fun, I made good money doing it, I was in catalogs, on greeting cards( yes the two pictures below were turned into greeting cards...) did runway work, ads, campaigns, etc. I did my last show( for my friend Jenna) when I was pregnant with Elijiah. That was my fairwell to the industry for the most part. I still cant get the "model" out of me in many ways. I tend to be simple in appearance and style, I watch and get a bit crazy about my weight, love fashion and in my heart of hearts wish I was still doing it sometimes. But those days are over. The links below are of a shoot in which my friend Mariann and I did together. I think I was 16 or 17? I dont know. Anyway I ran across some old greeting cards and decided to look the photographer up for old times sake and realized that we were on her website still.... FUN! So enjoy her stuff- some of it a bit riske, but I like a lot of her photos...I did a second shoot with her later on and got some good stuff from it- but alas none of that made it on her webpage.....

http://abigailhuller.com/photography/fashion_photographer/full_size.php?picture=tiburon%2F001000+-+zrussian-snow.jpg&returnto=%2Fphotography%2Ffashion_photographer%2Ffashion_photography.php

( Marianne and I)

http://abigailhuller.com/photography/fine_art_photographer/fine_art_photography.php
( Marianne and I again- second from the bottom row on the left....I will warn you- scantily clad photos of others --what the photographer considers intimate on same page....so fair warning to you all....)

Canada

Nice napping place....

Mom and I

Look at our outfits! We are stylin!

Here is a picture of the beach .....nice huh?

Me- sleeping..:)

Someone thought it would be funny to take a picture...and say- make sure you get her hair in there!! What can I say?? My hair is a frizzy mess!

View of the lake...or shall I say just the very little slice of heaven we enjoy.

Jonathan soaking up some rays...

Isnt he cute?!

Elijiah

So my lack of posting has been due to us being in Canada for 10 days. We drove- a long 21 hours and we reached our final destination- Shuswap Lake on a Saturday evening. We stayed till the following friday in which we headed out for the long ride home. Overall the trip was great....nightly campfires, hiking, boating, skiing, wakeboarding, eating....the weather was only good about half the time tho....the other half we were gifted with much rain and cold. Thank goodness for my love...he kept the fire going almost 24 7 the last few days. Elijiah had a wonderful time and Im glad we went. Got to see cousins and family I hadnt seen in years, and also catch up with those we see frequently but not nearly enough. I have to say that im finally feeling like crap with the pregnancy. Im 7 weeks now- and sick all day all night.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Fatherhood and Jonathan

So I just finished an article on different types of dads. From the sperm donor, 73 year old, stay at home dad, military, etc. It made me relfect upon Jonathan. Ive known some wonderful fathers, and you never know what type of parent you are going to be until you are one, but with Jonathan there are unique challenges that he will face. With having Elijiah split his time in our house, there is often a delicate balance of how involved Jonathan is with him. I see Elijiah alternate between indifference, to love with him, and its usually the same with me. Elijiah on a good day is very affectionate, interested in what we are doing, and seeks us out or allows me to smother him with motherly attention. Other days he is content to play with friends, watch a TV show, go outside etc. Its like I have a visitor in our home that is not terribly interested in being a part of things. Its those days that I struggle. I see Elijiah so little as it is....but Jonathan has had an especially difficult time trying to find his place. He is always kind, polite, but firm with his expecations of Elijiah and how he behaves. He gives him a warm hug when he gets home and when he goes to bed, they play on the computer now and again together, we go on walks and I think we are an average, normal blended family. But I know he wonders how involved should he be. The fact that we are pregnant I think is wonderful. It will somehow make things less= yours, mine....but ours. This baby will connect Jonathan, me, and Elijiah to something that will belong to each of us. Jonathan will no longer have to feel left out. This baby will be his, and I know its a role that Jonathan has been waiting for his whole life. Its still so early in the pregnancy, but knowing Jonathan will be willing to help, take an active role as a father, be a great care taker and excellent role model, makes me happy.

As a hubby, he is sometimes too kind to me. I often think that I dont deserve him. My nature to be self reliant and independent sometimes grates on him, but luckily he has patience for me. Other days I cant get enough of him. He likes to feel needed and to be honest I like needing him. But it does seem weird. Khory and I had a very independent relationship. I felt we were often ships passing in the night. Jonathan and I are attached in the best way possible. With Khory I often commented to him that after 5 years, 9 years he was sometimes a stranger to me. He kept himself very distant, like he was afraid of being vulnerable and close. It is a true detriment in a marriage. You cant really trust your spouse if you feel uneasy with them, or parts of them are unaccessible. With Jonathan, I can look at him and tell how he is feeling. I feel in tune to his moods and thoughts. I know without words what he is thinking and its a blessing. To have someone truely trust you with their heart and be willing to share parts of themselves they never have shared before. To make a real go at anything it requires a lot of risk. It sometimes pans out and other times not, but Ive learned in a marriage you have to be willing to put it all on the line. Its not worth doing the other way. Jonathan is teaching me this. For in reality its been hard for me to share parts of myself, especially those things of which I am ashamed of. Ive made terrible mistakes, hurt people, and to own up to those things are tough. So far, I have at least awknowledged them, and havent repeated things, but they still haunt me. ( Like the time I beat up my sister....thank goodness she is such a loving person she forgave me) I guess my ramblings are to really pay ode to Jonathan. The man he is, that he loves me inspite of my imperfections, his goodness and kindness....his willingness to sacrifice for our family, to do what it takes, to walk FAR from the edge of the fence( he really is somewhere in the house, not even close to the fence haha), to treat all the women in his life with love and respect, to nurture and at the same time show strength. He has been willing to see through what others havent, to seek true understanding and provides compassion to me at times most needed. Thank you Jonathan for all you do for me, our family and for the father you will be. I look forward to the path of parenthood with you will all the unknowns that will come.

Interesting survey

So if your a girl, and you used to read cosmo, the favorite thing was the interesting, random, usless survey's that they had. Well now all those things are on line. So when I have had too much time at work to fiddle around I often take these silly things and laugh at the results. So I did a survey on relationships, and the below was the results. Interesting. The good news, I think my "other half" has found me.

You probably don't have a lot of problems sharing your time and money with another person — not to mention a bathroom. You respect the institution of marriage and look forward to being part of that covenant. Short-term bliss is okay, but long-term togetherness that's the real deal. You're more ready than most to partner up with someone for life, excited to embark on the journey of creating a life together. And the good news is, there's someone out there equally excited about finding you for the same reason.

and me....

Not the greatest liking...but pretty FUNNY!

Simpsons....

So here is what Jonathan looks like simpsonized!!! I dont know how much the above picture resembles the simpson character created- but its close! haha!