Reflections on motherhood

There are days that I cant do it all, but just as those days inevitably come, there are the days when I feel capable and confident in where I am. I cant believe that I am as old as I am-in my mid 30s’s and still sometimes wish I could move back home and live with my mother. Those are the days when I am overwhelmed by it all and usually end up calling her on the phone and pouring out all my crazy thoughts. Thankfully the later happens more frequently. I do feel pretty good about our family choices, where we are headed, what our plans are. I know that for the most part I am competent in the housecleaning, laundry( some days more than others) dinners…..But what really has me feeling good lately is Tristan. I believe in large part Jonathans mom has made most of the difference, her consistency, love and correction – but I also know over the last 3 years that kid has thrown everything he could at us and we are still standing. I have more confidence as a parent and how my mother told me something that has resonated with me.

Difficult children are sent to those that can handle them. Just like trials, we are given what we are able to handle to help refine, develop ourselves. Children are the same. We can learn, grow, and become better just by being a parent. Easy kids? How will you grow as a parent?( I think this was somewhat tongue and cheek as she considered me very difficult, and now I have one of my own:)) But none the less, Tristan came and with his challenges, it required that Jonathan and I work as a team, rely on eachother, grow in compassion, patience and endure. Oh how we have endured.

Elijiah is out of town with Khory for a week, and it was just Jonathan, me and Tristan the other night. Jonathan remarked on how much better Tristan is of late. And he is. Tristan has entered an entirely different phase and we are enjoying this parenting ride much more than ever before. It makes me realize that yes I can do it, I am capable and it’s a wonderful feeling.

*** (one of my fav's of me and T)