A few things I want to remember of late *4th of July family hike…finding a lost child *Tristans Jujitsu progress. Hes doing so amazing and Im so proud of him *Tristan and Johnny. This summer will go down as the cousin summer. Hes abandoned all his other friends in favor of Johnny. It’s the sweetest thing but it will break his heart when they go. I love having Reagan and her family around. Its such a great time and I realize a fleeting time to be with them. *Jett…sleeping or lack of. Nightly visits from him and how only the threat of a crib and the crib tent has kept him in his bed after weeks of sleepless nights. ( that and a promise of a TREAT in the am) *Adding Izzie to the family. Shes fun, and adorable. Why a second cat I have no idea but we love her *Summer is flying by without anything really planned. Love and hate that. Looking forward to our family Canada trip soon *All the boys growing like weeds and watching Elijiah the other day walk away from me, and hardly believing he was my baby not that long ago. *nightly runs with Jett. Ive been working out for almost 5 weeks daily…and not really seeing much progress. Grrr. I hope by month 3-4 all this hard work will pay off otherwise I will NEVER work out again. *Work is endless and exhausting. Its making me a bad housewife as I am totally spent when I get home at night. Please no one come over. *Taking stock of our foodstorage and supplies. Wow having a baby really changes the amount of available resources  More buying for us soon. *Trip to San Diego to visit my grandma.

Recent Family Pictures

Cory did these family photos for us...we love them. A few months back we tried when Mom and Layne did them and it was such a cold windy day that nothing turned out. Its been a few years since we had one done that we liked so we are happy happy. In all life is plugging along. School is almost done, summer plans are being made, and nothing too crazy to report (thanks goodness). Just settling in to the new house, working on projects here and there, endless jujitsu, basketball, soccer and juggling work and life :)

Tristan Turns 7

TRISTAN!!! SEVEN- 7 years old!! I seriously cant believe how time is flying by.  You have grown at least a foot since last year and its breaking my heart! Oh man- you have been such a trooper as we have transitioned from the house on Hickenlooper, to grandmas basement to the new house.  Never complaining about it all ( except when leaving friends) but only a short while until you met all your new friends around here.  Seriously a huge blessing for us has been your ability to bounce with us on this moving journey and make the new and better friends seeing you so happy and settled…sigh.  How happy you are.  This last 6 months we have done soccer ( which I don’t think will be your thing) and are trying out Jujitsu ( which you love) .  Im surprised really that you have been so willing to do and try things this year.  Change can be difficult but even though Ive forced you into stuff Ive learned to let you go at your own pace and if its not your thing…well its not your thing.  You are catching on to the martial arts stuff which I love…its getting you exercise and hopefully developing an activity that you become good at.  First grade at a new school this fall turned out great.  Your teacher is fabulous and she gets you.  Really appreciates your sense of humor and you are one of her star students.  She often puts you in charge of other kids reading as she knows you will be patient and kind.  Your anxiety is still there, but we are working on that and OUR relationship with some therapy and as they say—two steps forward, one step back – but there is progress. 

Some other things I have noticed this year is how protective and good you are to Jett.  Man you two can rumble but if Jett is crying you run to his rescue.  Hes not that much smaller than you hahaha…but you hoist him on your lap and try and soothe him which is the sweetest thing to see.  Elijiah and you perhaps will never be the best of friends but you get along, hang out and that’s what matters.  Your sharing your room with him and I hope as time will go on, you will have more and more things in common with your big brother.

You have gone through some funny stages with food which I have to mention as you are a creature of habit.  Breakfast is ALWAYS toast with peanut butter and bananas.  You love pancake tradition on Sunday and if you don’t get them you are NOT happy.  You secretly want to have the love and affection I give to your brothers but will never say so.  That is something Ive learned with you.  I just have to force it, and then wait for you to come to me.  I know you want and need it just as they do, but the way you show your attention is a bit different.  You would rather wrestle then get a kiss….I get it I get it.  J  Right now some of your favorite friends are Ethan and Miles, Owen, Boston, Rhonin, and Joesph. They are all good kids and glad you found them.  This neighborhood has been perfect for you.  Oh T…your dad and I are so proud of who you are, who you are becoming, the progress you are making and the smart boy you are.  We are loving getting to be a part of helping you grow up.  I hope you have a wonderful year this coming year and know how much we love you.

Happy Happy Birthday

Hawaii

Hawaii was good for us.  Time together, some time with my dad and step mom, and a good break from everyday life.

Lots of pics on facebook but had to note the trip here as well.  Rained each day and didnt get sun till the last few hours on the Island but oh so worth it.  I love it there, who doesnt, but I felt rejuvenated in a way I havent felt in years.  Playing in the water, No stress with the kids or jobs.  I laughed like I havent in a long time.  I love this man- Jonathan Bechtold is a great partner to have in this life. :) Im feeling pretty lucky these days.  We will be celebrating our 8 wedding anniversary this month and this was our first couples trip since our last foray when I was pregnant with Tristan.  We need to do it more often- this vacation thing.....

Tristan turning 7 soon

With Tristan turning 7 soon Ive been reflecting on the last year and putting together his birthday letter....but on the side this week has been a slightly more challenging week for him and one I wanted to document. Its no secret Tristan and I struggle. Our relationship is hard, hes hard, we are not like spirits or personalities and have very little in common. Do i love this little boy? Oh do i! Hes often the subject of my pleading prayers to heaven to help me be a good mom to him. I realize much of the time I am falling short and im not sure how I can reach him. We are in therapy and the primary reason is our relationship and how that sets the tone for much of his life. Hes got other stuff - sure...but rather than wait I thought it was important to seek professional help. When asked..he cant identify WHAT it is about me he dislikes so much, but recognizes its there. His distaste, but also a desire to love me, but he cant. Doesnt. Its incredible hard to have a child reject you so. Several things happened this week...all small things but worth noting.(one thing I wont write about is what he said to our NEW neighbor) We moved into our new home just a few houses down from where we were last staying with my mother. Tristans friends so far are up in that neighborhood and one particular friend is his "best" friend. His mood changes based on if this kid is nice to him, they play that day etc. Hes a good kid this friend, and I have no problem with them playing, but hes older and has other kids he likes to play with too, so sometimes hes not around. One evening Tristan pressed me to play and as he ran out the door he forgot his shoes. I had reminded him to put them on but in his excitement to play with this friend he forgot. I guess they made a decision to head out into the "wilderness" across the street which is a open space heading into the mountains and Tristan so wanting to be brave, or included didnt return home for shoes but followed even when he knew he shouldnt. What happened next was fuzzy...I dont know how far out he got or at what point he knew he was in trouble, but his feet through his socks were filled with thorns. He couldnt walk without a lot of pain. After a some time when he should have been home I told Jonathan to go looking for him. About 20 minutes later he came in and told me he found Tristan up the street in tears and had been picking thorns out of his feet and still had a more to go. My heart hardened at first...I mean Love and Logic...natural consequences for a decision - GREAT lesson. He wont ever do that again. But how sad, and i melted thinking that as it was getting dark, he was left alone as the other kids raced home, to stuggle to walk, being scared and in pain. I took over the pulling of thorns for the next while asking him to tell me what happened but he wouldnt budge. No information to me was going to escape his lips. All I could do is give him a hug( which he tried to pull away from) tell him I loved him and take care of him the best I could. The next day was a doctor appointment that i had planned on taking him to. He got a wart on his foot that wasnt going away despite our best efforts and we needed the doctor to help. He made it clear and said that he didnt want me, but dad. While I tried to explain that it was my work that was flexible and I WANTED to take him- he was very direct in telling me I wasnt wanted. I deferred as I dont want to cause more fighting. When I showed up to take him to school afterwards he told me that he wanted to go home his foot was hurting and he didnt want to go to school. Because I insisted he go, he startled yelling, repeatedly to me and taling disrespectful until I had lost yet, yelled back he cannot talk to me that way and he was going to school end of story. Only that wasnt the end. That day because of the change in schedule and Cindy( grandma) thinking he was coming home with me, Tristan didnt get picked up after school. Tristan instead stood after school for a long time waiting for grandma who wasnt coming, and then decided to walk home.( to Cindy's after school) but she wasnt there...she was out running errands. So Tristan went to a neighbors house and they called Cindy who called me. Who after thinking about his past few days was again heartsick for my boy. So that night I was not home till late having to attend a parent meeting for Elijiah - I went to the store and bought him a tiny minecraft toy. Hoping it would be a peace offering, and letting him know that I felt horrible and loved him, was thinking about him...well it wasnt well received. Still not talking to me he took the toy, resisted my hug and questions and I ended up just walking away. Tired and late getting home I felt rejected again by him and wished for a warmer reception let it go for the day. Sigh...I am currently coaching his soccer team, one of the things the counselor has suggested as ways to bond per Tristans request is a weekly breakfast outside the home with me followed by physical activity. We have enrolled him in Jiu Jitsu which has been good for him. Hes not the most coordinated of kids regarding soccer but this sport gives him an outlet and hes really enjoying it. So in time we hope he will improve, his self confidence increases, he develops a talent/sport that he can feel proud about as having an older brother like Elijiah is hard. Elijiah is a bit of that golden child. Good at everything he touches. There are so many good qualities about Tristan that I see, I just dont get to be a part of his world like I would want. The few things that happened this week I felt were worth noting here as I know there are tremendous lessons to be learned here. Ill keep plugging along- perhaps that saying that I am sooo over- keep on keepin on is really applicable here. Ive included the photo of him and I as it was such a rare but happy moment that Hug between us is to be remembered.

Feb updates

So a few things have been happening this month...most important...NOELS wedding!

but there were some...house hiccups, the boys growing and doing the funniest things, work etc still going on too, but who cares when your oldest kid got married! :)  Jonathan took a few photos so these arent the professional ones, but will suffice for now.

And then this...we finished the house.  updates on that to come :)

January updates

January has been a lot of fun. We were all healthy which lets just say is quite the abnormality in our house. House delay again. But we are finally making progress. Floors are going down, and sheetrock is up. Choosing every house fixture, color, light, in TWO hours was tough. I thought i was good, but the flooring in the kitchen went down and I thought that is oak. I didnt choose that. I HATE oak. I paint over every OAK cabinet ive ever had...that CANT be my flooring...so I check...and I did. Mistake? I dont know all I know is NOW im second guessing EVERY design choice I might have made in my 2 hour haze. Too late to change anything, but im a little scared! Went to portland to visit Sarah. It was a lot of fun. Boys are still cracking me up everyday. Goodness I love being a mom.