I went running the other day. Ive been maintaining my running schedule most weeks, and today was the first day that I really saw a difference in almost 3 months. I could put on a pair of my pants that just two weeks ago I couldnt even zip up. But let me go back a bit. Running. I have many posts about running here on my blog and I think because it is often the time that I do a lot of my thinking. My only alone time during the day and when Im tired and the last thing I want to do is run I force myself out the door and put one foot in front of the other. Some days my feet are like lead, and I never feel better during the time I am out. Other times I am rewarded by renewed energy and the endorphins kick in, and I feel free from all obligations and its me and the road. I know my dedication to running is two fold. One to stay in or get back in shape. And two because if im not anything, I am dedicated. A person once said that running isnt about being in shape, its about about your dedication to all things in life. Running is most often a solo event. A push against self, and measuring your own best. There are races to win sure, and competitions to be in, but ultimately there is no one to pick you up should you fall but yourself. No one to pass the ball off to, or blame should you loose. Running like gymnastics, is a competition with yourself. Win or loose its on your shoulders. You carry the burden of defeat or triumph of winning. My life as a gymnast growing up was anything but easy. There are no teammates to blame should the final shot be missed and you dont win finals, state, or a national championship. I think this is why gymnastics has always been so important to me. The life lessons you learn and what it gave me growing up.
You learn to rely on yourself, and push yourself harder than you think possible. You talk to yourself during practice, during meets, you dream routines and push yourself through injury. You deal with pain, and go on with out complaint. You discipline your mind to focus intently, to deliver your best everytime. When you fail, fall, or make a mistake, its a blow like no other. You let yourself down, but you take responsibility for the failure and work harder next time.
You work harder than you can ever imagine to be the best you can...
And lay exhausted at night when you are through. You know your limits but when you think you have reached them you pull something from deep inside to keep going.
I started gymnastics at 4 because I was a challenge. My mother thought this would be a great way to use my never ending energy. My love of gymnastics was my own. I was never going to be an Olympic gymnast, but my last two years I showed progression like never before. It was in those years, 12-14 years of age, that my dedication to the sport and to myself emerged. The gym I went to hired a new head coach. And with him everything changed. No longer were we able to stop, doubt, and quit when we were tired. No, we were pushed to the edge, abused mentally and physically. ( Due to this abuse physical and otherwise he was eventually fired and sport psychologists were called to our gym) If we fell we got up and repeated the skill over and over and over and over again. ( I am reminded of a particular time: I was on the balance beam and was doing my tumbling series- two backhandsprings in a row.- I fell after the second backhandsrping. Due to that fall, I had to complete the series before I left the gym that night 50 times. Another example- I had a bad rip on my hand from my bar routine. The blister was torn and bleeding. I was in agony- however I had to complete 10 full routines before I could stop. I did it. And a final example. My coach was angry- we were on floor practicing our double backs. We were all lined up to go one right after the other, and the girl infront of me didnt land right, twisted her ankle and hit her head as she fell back on the concrete. He told her to move, get up and back to the front of the line to do it again and THIS time she better stick her landing!)If we were hurt we continued on. And on, and on. I learned to hate a sport I thought I would do in college. I got injuries and couldnt shake them. I grew tall. I moved to another gym to hopefully get back my love for practice and competition. I found a loving coach, a kinder coach. But I had lost my drive. It was the saddest day of my young life to walk into the gym and tell my coach I was quitting. See gymnasts dont quit. Its admitting you arent good enough, strong enough. Its why two years after that I started to coach. I didnt want to have girls who loved the sport, have it beat out of them by the relentless pressure. Its why still to this day I miss the gym, feel at home in one, and would love to be there. Teaching the most important life lessons to young kids. Its why when I read that Paul Hamm is withdrawing from the Summer Olympics due to his hand injury, my heart went out to him. Gymnastics is the most brutal of all sports. However it gave me confidence. Self esteem. I was a strong girl. I carried my confidence in making friends, doing well in school, staying away from drugs. My years in gymnastics gave me dedication to carry me through tough life situations, got me to finish college when I thought of quitting. Im not a quitter, so I kept going and going till I reached my goal. I think this is why a failed marriage, inability to go to nursing school, weights heavily on me. I was taught that you never stop trying you dont give up...and so to admit defeat on any level is hard for me to swallow. I know I can be hard, tough....I know that I will expect the same level of hard work from my children in the things that they do. It is why I go out day after day in 100 degree heat and continue to run. And its the reason that I will continue to go out and run even though I would much rather eat ice cream and sit on the couch each night. :)
